February 4th, 2004

Been sitting here thinking about J.... Thinking a lot about him today, its 3 months today that we've been together, and he still hasn't left. I've been replaying some of the past weekend in my mind...smiling and getting that 'oh yeah' feeling between my legs that I am becoming quite used to, used to it and I like it as well.

He's so unbelievably good to me, and for me that it scares me. I've broken down a few times in the past couple weeks, for the last week straight I keep telling him he better leave me, that he should leave me and on and on I go...Its the three month mark. A critical point for me; 3 months then 6 months then the year mark. He knows that as well and pretty much knows that's why I'm freaking out. At least I think he does and it seems the more weird I get, the more my anxiety level rises and more out of control I get, the calmer he talks to me and the more he holds me close and won't let me storm away or walk away. Until I'm liter...

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