Mistress Ariachne's BDSM Workshop: Turning Pro!

Ever wondered what it takes to be a pro domme? Here's my second column in my series on the ins and outs of turning pro with your BDSM.

Questions of Gender

Before delving into more details on setting yourself up as a pro domme, I want to address one question readers might have: can men be pro doms? The answer is yes, of course -- but there is less demand for it, and almost all your clients will also be men.

It is generally easier for gay men to find male tops than for straight men to find women tops. So there is less need for pros to fill in the gaps. But especially in smaller areas with no thriving gay scene, you may find work picking up for male pro doms.

Another approach is to work as a transvestite. Many straight men are fascinated by transsexuals and transvestites, and will gladly pay to have an erotic experience with one.

Also, people have asked me about being a pro sub, either male or female. This is certainly a possibility -- but unfortunately, I have no experience in this arena, so I can't really address questions about it. I can tell you -- and this should be obvious -- that it is far more dangerous. Instead of tying your client up, you are the one being tied up and/or beaten. I have never met a pro sub but I know they do exist.

So on to the practical details of setting yourself up as a pro -- whether dom or domme! Just assume I am referring to both when I say domme.

Space

You will need at least a minimal amount of equipment to begin your pro domme practice. The first and most basic requirement is a place to see your clients. While a giant, private dungeon is ideal, most of us start much smaller. It is really best if you can dedicate an entire room to your domme work. A small bedroom works fine, or a den. You can section off part of a larger room with dividers or fabric.

If you are really pressed for space, you can use your own bedroom. I have done this before in a small apartment. The key is to keep your bedroom immaculately clean, neat, and free of distractions. No clothes on the floor, a nightstand overflowing with magazines, the cat box, etc.! If you don't have enough room, rent out a small storage unit and keep your extra stuff there so you can maintain a clutter-free bedroom.

Whatever space you use, it should be clean, pleasant, and tranquil. Vacuum and dust often. Install soft lighting -- Christmas lights, candles, or warm soft light of any kind -- and make sure all shades or blinds are drawn. Clients don't want to feel like someone can see in on what's going on. I find having music playing -- something relaxing and not too intrusive -- helps greatly with the mood of the scene as well. Finally, I like to light a little bit of incense. Definitely keep the area free of distracting scents (garlic, mildew, cat litter)!

Furniture

You will need something upon which to put your client while you top him (or her). Your own bed will work, although it is less than ideal in several ways. It can be very hard on your back to bend over so far, and it is hard to reach all areas of your client. If you can, invest in a massage table. Costco and costco.com carry good ones for around $200 -- the price of one or two sessions! You can tie your clients to a table, have them kneel over it or on it, and so on.

I also highly recommend getting a padded bench of some kind, both to tie your client to and for him to kneel on while leaning over the bed or table. You can get one for a mere $20 at http://www.musiciansfriend.com/ (search for "bench").

With these two items, you can really do a lot. The third piece of equipment that is truly handy is something to fasten your client to while he is standing. This can be as simple as two eyebolts set high in a wall (make sure they are attached to studs!). You can also attach them to the ceiling joists and hang chains down, or hang a spreader bar. For a while, I used a St. Andrew's cross that was completely attached to the wall.

As you grow in experience, you will no doubt begin collecting special equipment that fits your specialties. At one point, I had an adult-sized crib and adult-sized high chair; school desk, antique medical table, St. Andrew's cross, sling, and stocks in my multi-room dungeon. But don't feel that you need all this stuff to start out with. Your techniques, attitude and energy will be far more important to your success than having all the latest and greatest toys and furniture.

Toys

While you can do a lot with just your voice and hands, you will most likely find that you need a basic set of bondage and discipline toys. One of the most important is a set of good restraints, ideally for both wrists and ankles. You can use rope if necessary, but it is much easier and quicker to have a good set of leather or PVC restraints. You will also need rope or chain for attaching the restraints to your anchor points on the bed, table, bench, or other furniture.

A blindfold is a cheap but essential toy that you'll want to have right off the bat. A gag is a nice addition, but I prefer to not use gags with new clients and they can be somewhat expensive. If a client has a real gag fetish, they can often bring their own.

Two other cheap essentials are string (for tying up the cock and balls) and clothespins (for clamping balls, cocks, nipples and other parts). These are so cheap that they can be disposable.

Finally, a few good impact toys will help with the discipline arena. The easiest thing to start with is a solid wood paddle. Frequent the local thrift stores until you find a suitable game paddle or cheese cutting board. Or buy one new -- ping pong paddles are very cheap, for instance. You can always paint these paddles black or cover them with leather to make them look more menacing.

A leather belt is a cheap but rather intense impact toy. Make sure to practice with your aim, as belts can have quite a bite!

I find that most of my pro clients do not actually enjoy flogging -- as opposed to those in the personal scene. But on occasion one does want to be flogged. One decent flogger -- probably in the soft to medium and thuddy range as opposed to one with a lot of bite -- is a really great investment.

If you are going to do dildo or strapon play, invest in at least one good-quality silicone dildo and a decent strap-on harness -- preferably plastic or rubber as opposed to leather, as it will be easier to clean. You can start with cheap version of these, but they will wear out very quickly.

Next time I will cover safety and hygiene issues and supplies like lube, condoms, and gloves. And I promise I will eventually get to advertising and finding clients!