Illuminations: Motivation to Serve

Within relationships based on power exchange there is an assumed amount of service in one form or another that will occur. This service may be only sexual, or it may be sexual and task oriented, or it can also be task oriented only. When a dominant does not understand the potential motivation or reward for a submissive that wants to serve in a given capacity he or she may feel suspicious of potential motives the submissive has.

Many submissives will grow to love their Dominant, it is a natural progression when the submissives heart and mind are considered in their early training and conditioning. The primary motivation for a submissive that wishes to serve a Dominant is the desire to feel the power and control of another person in more than a scene or sexual encounter and bring them pleasure or comfort at the same time. This desire is not about being used so much as it is about feeling useful to someone they yearn to please. It gives their submission purpose and it allows them to feel they are able to make a difference in the day-to- day comfort of their Dominants life.

While it is not the common kind of relationship there are those submissives who wish to serve only in a task oriented capacity to their Dominants. There are many reasons a submissive may be unable to totally submit in a D/s relationship and be the complete submissive companion taking care of all the Dominants needs. For some, their submissive nature is not discovered, or understood by them until after they have made life long commitments to someone who may not understand their desires or needs, an example of this being a spouse. Task oriented service is also a safe way to learn about a potential partner. It gives both Dominant and submissive a way of interacting with each other in the power exchange realm while learning if they are suited well enough to make deeper commitments.

Task oriented submission no matter the dynamics of the specific relationship serves to give a submissive something tangible which can bring the Dominant pleasure. If it is menial sorts of tasks such as cooking, cleaning, washing windows, doing laundry, or helping with research projects sometimes dominants feel guilty in accepting the service because they feel by allowing such service they are giving nothing back in return and are therefore using the persons need to be of service selfishly. By being actively involved in administering tasks to be done and active oversight the Dominant is not selfishly using the willingness of the submissive to complete tasks but he is giving her a goal, direction, and something to strive for... completing the task to his specifications and earning his pleasure from it.

The nature of the submissive is to please. She needs to know when she has done so. It is not diminishing her efforts if the Dominants observance of the service she has provided includes instruction on how she might better accomplish the task in the future to make it more perfectly pleasing. This is not providing criticism but providing oversight, and insight on how she might become a more pleasing submissive. Graciously accepting and acknowledging a submissives effort to provide a specified service in a way that makes the provision of the service itself a reward is not a passive action.

It is the fantasy of being used sexually which is most powerful for people in the beginning of their submission whether they will allow themselves to experience it or not. Over time though submission becomes about more than just learning to give up resistance. It becomes about more than the sexual thrill of being tied up and whipped, and tortured sexually until you feel you will loose your mind to another orgasm. When the submissive serves in a sexual capacity the motivation is fairly clear. The submissive is giving and receiving sexual gratification and that leads to feeling personal satisfaction with their role. If menial tasks, or chores are added to the submissive service to the Dominant it also gives the submissive different areas to show his or her willingness to be obedient to the Dominants wishes and bring him pleasure in other areas of his life, not only the bedroom.

In the area of sexual service the books seem to naturally balance themselves. Both give and receive in this interaction and it leaves no one feeling as though they have been given more than they have received. The physical and emotional satisfaction that can come from sexual service is intensely rewarding and sustains relationships for years. This is how many relationships begin, but as a submissive or slave grows and learns their needs can change over time. It is the responsibility of the dominant, and perhaps one of his greatest challenges to monitor this growth and put into place requests, or requirements that will assure the submissive is always challenged and satisfied in his or her submission to his or her Dominant.

Dominants, many of them, have a hard time allowing and accepting a submissives willingness to be of service to them outside of the scene and or sexual arena. Allowing another person to attend to personal details such as the cleaning of their house, or assisting them with other tasks of daily life means opening their life up a little more to the submissive. The give and take of this interaction exceeds the energy of a hard scene where there is a clear-cut beginning and end. Having someone willing to be your personal servant is representative of a level of intimacy many have a hard time feeling comfortable with.

A surprising number of Dominants feel like they have to give more than they receive. If they are given more than they are able to provide it feels like the books are unfairly and unevenly balanced, and this alone makes them feel uncomfortable. Receiving service should not be viewed as an action that needs to be met with a transaction. In allowing the provision of service by someone who desires to provide that service there is still a give and take going on between the Dominant and submissive. Giving one the avenue to provide service, and actively accepting that service balances the transaction books beautifully. When a Dominant provides a submissive with the opportunity to be of service to him, he is himself providing a service to the submissive. When he provides insight into improving how she provides the service he is being active, and demonstrating that he cares about what she is doing enough to help her do it better in the future.

Service oriented submissives do not wish to indulge in the service of their dominant for the attention they will get from the Dominant constantly lording over them and giving them step by step intricate instructions. If a dominant has to provide intricate instruction and supervision of a task then the submissive isn’t doing it very well, and it is certain to add stress to their life. A service oriented submissive isn’t in need of serving so that they can be punished for failure that is what discipline is for. A submissive who truly wishes to serve wants to do so to make the life of their Master or Mistress simply easier, and leaving them with time on their hands to do the things they love to do... like tie, whip and torture their submissive to their hearts content.

Life is fragile ... Cherish today.