Illuminations: Enhancing Romance through Ritual

Rituals are a way that we have to mark significant happenings or events of lives. We use ritual celebrations to mark new beginnings, endings, and successful progresses of life. A ritual can be anything which is done with purpose and triggers a deep state of feeling connected. It is a block of time that is deliberately set aside to honor or take notice of something of significance to its participants.

Remember when your relationship was new? Remember when you couldn’t wait for him to call or drive up in your driveway? All the time you spent together was time smiling and who needed drugs or alcohol? You felt like you could live forever feeling nothing but the feelings he caused you to feel. The intensity of new love is undeniable. In the initial years of a relationship you spend time being as open to things that would please each other as possible. Every encounter was a new experience. You learned that listening to him talk felt almost as good as being honest with him about feelings you had never been able to share with anyone before.

During those early days and years you connected through a series of dating rituals designed to enhance your enjoyment of each other. Even though you didn’t know it then you were interacting through a series of deliberate actions which grew your connection as a couple. Without the time and interest in each other to interact the relationship could never have grown to leave with you memories that unexpectedly sneak up on you to remind you of your beginnings together.

One of the most interesting explanations of romance I have ever read about is that which is attributed to the God and Goddess that resides in each of us. Romance is a hard one to describe with words... its one of those things that you know when you feel it... it leaves its mark on your senses and on your mind. When we experience romance we experience being transported to another level of connection and feeling with another human being that is just as addictive the first time as it is the last time.

Attraction happens on the cellular level and evolves from that place of being a little twinge to being the all encompassing interaction between a man and his woman. It is this simple law of attraction which has been the driving force of life from the dawning of time. The highest expression of human male and female interaction happens when that attraction manifests itself as lovers. When we are comfortable with and are able to access the God or Goddess within we are able to step more completely into the role of lover.

When both realize they are falling in love or at least have a very deep and intense attraction to each other much time and attention is given to keeping that attraction honed and on a sharp edge. We are more open to doing things that are different in an effort to please the one you love. And while we are being so open and forthright and putting out extraordinary effort to keep and build this attraction you share for each other you are also making memories... Your energy is intensely focused on each other and that drug they call new love is all you want... and you seek more... and the life that you have found yourselves building together ... happens.

When the Goddess surrenders to her God she creates for them the adventure that will allow them to fall in love. Within her she holds the goddess essence of wisdom. Meaning she knows what they can become together if he will only trust her. It is said that the ultimate in the masculine journey for a man is toward his Goddess. She guides them and he provides the power to get them there and always they are traveling toward the sunset to meet the night where they will nourish themselves within the depths of the darkness.

The day to day grind of life takes its toll on the energy that couples have to expend on their relationships and their inner selves. When time becomes the most precious commodity of all and there is never enough of it then you have to make allotments to apply to other areas of your life where it seems to be needed most. Being actively "in love" takes a back seat to taking the time to earn the money to pay bills, or take care of children, or tend careers. The intensity fades in the face of life and soon we loose site of that God and Goddess that brought us so completely into each others lives.

It is a little frightening when you realize the romance that brought you together in the beginning is no longer effortlessly there. It is important to remember there is nothing wrong with having to consciously put forth the effort to be romantic and get in touch with the God and Goddess inside so that they can weave their existence into your life in a way that can be trusted and sustain each other for a lifetime. Remember how interesting getting to know the unknown about your partner was in the beginning? When we do find "the one" we spend time making special efforts when we are with them to perpetuate the attraction. Time matures a relationship in a way that allows you to continue that exploration on a much deeper and intensely more intimate level than was possible in the beginning because truly knowing someone notches up the intensity.

Scenes between people involved in power exchange relationships are often ritualized and it enhances your feeling of connection. Not every ritual is an event or show for a large group of people. Some rituals are undertaken and celebrated by just two people for the feelings and emotions they can inspire in those two. The ritual interaction is often designed for no other reason than to evoke an emotional response that can help the couple center themselves in their relationship and remind them of the intensity they share together when they can focus on being together.

There are many examples of rituals which are used by couples to refocus each other on their relationship depending on the goal of the encounter. Many times rituals which are undertaken just prior to play are done to reaffirm a couple’s commitment to each other and their power exchange relationship. One of the most significant things for me prior to playing with my Master is the ritualized interaction we have just prior to his placing the thick play collar around my neck... He has me kneel and he caresses me tenderly and talks to me. He reassures me of his love and affection and that it will never change as a result of what we are about to do. That even though he will seem hard and uncaring he is very in love with me and is there because it is what we both want. He has me state my trust of him, my purpose... and then my request to be dominated is granted. It never ceases to send a chill down my spine when he brushes the hair from the back of my neck and kisses me there prior to buckling the collar into place. The ritual interaction is not new, we have undertaken it for years now... but it feels just as intense to me today as it did the very first time it happened.

When interaction between a Dominant and his submissive is ritualized the state of mind is transformed and the two experience each other on a level that feels sacred. Prior to the commencement of a rough scene, there are many ways to make your mutual respect, honor and love for each other known.

In one ritual called the "heart salutation" the couple makes their mutual affection and respect known to each. This is a practice where both dominant and submissive will bow to each other prior to the beginning of a scene making complete eye contact. The action is understood to be a gesture of mutual honor and respect. It is an indication that each is going to go to that placed inside themselves where they will be one in spirit. It is said that a heart salutation can transform an encounter of two people from the mundane to a rich encounter and celebration of a divine union when undertaken with a spiritual connectedness. Following the end of the encounter another heart salutation affirms the respect and appreciation of each other for being there and meeting the needs together.

Relationships based in power exchange are a bit ahead of most of society in terms of female sexuality. In the BDSM scene the sexuality of women is happily taken and used in a way which holds pleasure and fulfillment for both. Women are encouraged to seek their fullest sensual and sexual potential. By ritualistically putting her in a position where she is no longer in control of what is happening to her she is able to shirk the guilt of enjoying her sexuality allowing her to spread her wings and fly.

Aftercare for many is also another ritualized interaction. It is a period of time when the submissive is cared for and allowed to come down off her high slowly. During this time she is comforted, cuddled, and reassured of her status in his life. In providing the aftercare to his submissive a dominant is also allowing himself the same luxury.... Come down slow and re-center in their world and relationship.

Rituals provide us with the opportunity to pause and reconnect to people and things in our lives which we may have grown away from. Rituals can sometimes help people to express extremely complex feelings in simple ways. It can at times be just as simple as it is profound, and just as gentle as it is demanding and includes anything that is done with purpose and intent and allows you to reconnect to the people and the world around you.

Life is fragile ... Cherish today.