Illuminations: Sex and Bondage

Bondage serves a different purpose for everyone who participates in it. Practiced by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike, bondage can be practiced within the context of many different kinds of relationships. For our purpose, in this version of Illuminations I will discuss bondage as it pertains to those of us in the D/s and or BDSM lifestyles and sex. Does bondage make sex better?

There are many different kinds of bondage. There is intricate rope bondage, which the Japanese seem to have down to a fine art in the form of Shaberi. There is mummification, or cocoon like bondage in which the body is wrapped from head to toe in a restrictive material meant to completely immobilize, with little holes cut to access 'special' areas. Special body bags are made for this kind of bondage too. Hoods are made to immobilize the head and are made with a variety of purposes in mind. Some contain gags, some contain eyeholes, nose holes, mouth holes and others don't. The hood one chooses to use on His or Her submissive is entirely dependent on the purpose with which he uses it. Fetish shops make clothing meant to be restrictive, and binding, like hobble skirts. And don't forget the feet... there are a variety of shoes made for the feet with absolutely no other intention but to immobilize with impossible to walk in heels and angles. All these accessories are well and good, but let us not undercut the practicality of a good set of cuffs, rope and chain.

Almost anyone who practices bondage would agree that bondage definitely makes sex better. Now, there are those who claim to indulge in bondage for the sake of bondage and only bondage. No sex. For these people, tight restraint is a sensory trip in and of itself. For them bondage is a release from responsibility, and worry and is stimulation enough. I can understand how that could be entertaining, but I had rather have the sex with the bondage, eventually. Why does bondage make sex better? Does it? Depends on who you talk to for sure, but the answer is overwhelmingly in the favorable category among BDSMers, and D/s'ers.

For some bondage is about deprivation. It is about taking away the freedom of movement; the freedom of touch and replacing it with a helplessness that for many submissives is liberating. When one is held in place by ropes, or chain or a multitude of other materials the imprisonment that results is described as being liberating. Absolving the bottom of responsibility and relegating her to a helpless state in which she has no choice but to accept what happens to her. Some dominants feel bondage is a tool to help a woman achieve her ultimate level of sexual release. One Dominant explained this aspect of bondage to me like this. "Some women will pull away before they reach their full potential for sexual pleasure and release. Bondage holds them in place, forbids them the right to close their legs or escape the sensation they want yet need to be free of. In bondage, she is my helpless prisoner. She is no longer responsible for what is happening to her... she is mine, She has no choice but to accept what I want to give her, what I want her to feel... and orgasm for me till I am ready for her to stop".

Dominants love the control bondage represents to them. One is able to effectively tie and position ones partner in the exact place he wants them and rely on the fact that they will be there 10 minutes or 10 hours later... exactly where they are left. It represents a huge power exchange. The bondage Master can tie his submissives legs open, shut, can position her in a variety of positions to facilitate sex... genital and oral... or he can tie them in such a way as to deny all penetration. Wicked men abound!! Through bondage, the Dominant can control the majority of what the submissive feels. He takes away the freedom of movement with his ties and through this deprivation makes the sensations she is allowed stronger, liberating, and so very powerful.

Many submissives have huge fantasies involving total helplessness. To be at the mercy of a raging horny man or woman with no way out, no way to help yourself, no way to stop what the person may wish to inflict on you is a powerful turn on for many. A male submissive recounted for me an encounter he had with his Mistress in which she made one of his dark fantasies of shame come raging to life. In his fantasy he was forced to have anal intercourse with another man. The way this submissive put it to me was that he had fantasies of 'bitching' for a male stud. His Mistress provided this experience for him, leading him into the room via a leash and collar, and chaining him by the neck to the floor on all fours and in perfect position for mounting. The sub stated this had been one of the richest encounters of his life in which he was bound helplessly to receive the cock of another man. His Mistress's ties absolved him of responsibility for what was happening. After all, he was tied helplessly at her mercy... and he was able to trust her enough to allow her to lead him through this experience. He said it was an experience he didn't think he ever wanted to repeat, but that it was one he would never forget and without the use of restraint he didn't think he would ever have had it.

Some submissive enjoy fighting the ties that bind them. It is arousing to strain against the ties that hold me fast only to feel them tug back at me, or hear the chains rattle reminding me I am helpless. It is a frustrating feeling to be tied tightly and have the palms of your hands itch to touch the person kneeling between your legs driving you wild. Oh how you wish to reach for him and grind his face into your crotch, but you can't touch... you can only be touched. You can buck the restraint all you want to, but it doesn't change, the ties that bind you are unforgiving and your condition doesn't change.

Psychological bondage. In this kind of bondage you don't have the benefit of your Masters physical restraints... only his words. Words whispered with meaning, in passion. "Do you like that pet? Do you want more? Do you need more? MMMM yes... I will give you more... but don't move. Do not move a muscle... or I will stop'. When every single muscle in your body just wants to move, wants to hump, or rub, to get closer to him and what he is doing to you. It's enough to drive a girl insane!! Or very close to the edge, and definitely over the top in the orgasm department as the enforced stillness builds tension which some find undeniable.

Another kind of bondage which is enjoyable, and one that people play with in everyday vanilla relationships without realizing they are flirting with it is simply holding another person in place. One of the first things a man interested in tying his girlfriend up will do is hold her hands behind her as he kisses her and gauge what her reaction to the restriction is. Or trapping her between his body and a hard wall and holding her hands out to the side or above her hand as he kisses or caresses her.

I have talked to people who have denied being able to enjoy their first bondage experience and have been put off, or hesitant to try it again. More times than not, what leads to an unpleasant bondage experience is being very uncomfortable during the encounter. One thing anyone who dreams of capturing His or Her partner and holding them helplessly hostage in bondage for any length of time needs to consider is the comfort that the bondage equipment you use will allow. If you tie her wrists over her head using a pair of metal cuffs, don't be terribly surprised if she doesn't enjoy your patient loving ministrations to her pussy or other areas of her body. She is going to be unable to focus on what feels good all she is going to feel is the painful pinch of the cuffs into her wrists. Soft fleece lined cuffs for the ankles and wrists are very comfortable and inescapable when applied right. Be sensitive also to position. If you tie her in a position where the backs of her calves are strained to the point of Charlie horse like cramps from standing on her tiptoes too long... don't be surprised if milking a cum out of her is a little harder than usual.

Bondage allows control. Bondage allows freedom. Bondage provides deprivation in which every sensation you are allowed is magnified to undeniable proportions. Bondage is inescapable. Bondage and sex... is very good!