Bondage Forums

lol I love it.. and have definitely said something similar once or twice.

You've a serious disconnect there. Fact is if he's not kinky he's not likely to ever be and you'll never be completely satisfied.
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On the one side I see a guy who has a chick who gets a bit playful and freaky in bed, a guy who reportedly doesn't mind that and even responds to it in his own terms - and I can't see how that could possibly be a bad thing. You're both having fun, right?

On the other side, I remember about a gazillion posts from other girls going "how can I make my boyfriend into a Dom", and if THAT is your ultimate goal, then there might be a problem.

You've already stated that he's not "BDSM material". So you've realized that the most you can "get out of him" is some semi-kinky fun when you initiate it. If you've settled with that and that will be enough to make you happy, then you should continue doing what you're doing, have fun and be happy. If he's not comfortable with BDSM, then don't label it BDSM. It's amazing what people can get into sometimes when you don't label what you're doing something they can't handle.

Keep being playful. Introduce fun stuff like handcuffs and paddles, nothing crazy or extreme, but enough to be fun. Giggle when you do this. Show him how much fun this is to you - and focus on the fun side. As long as he doesn't feel like you're trying to manipulate him into being something he's not, he is free to have fun and explore on his own terms. Combine the freaky fun stuff with soft loving kisses and caresses, and make sure he understands that this is also intimate for you.

I think one of the things that "vanilla" people have a problem with, is objectification. As in, using the kinky stuff for the sole purpose of getting your rocks off instead of it being an intimate action between two loving people. When it becomes about you getting your ass spanked because you need your ass spanked, rather than it being about you wanting to be intimate with him and playing with him and spanking just happens to be the means to achieve that intimacy - that's where a lot of vanilla people lose interest. So don't ever make it about the kink, make it about how the two of you can have fun together in hot ways.

What more you can do? Jump into his lap, and giggle and cuddle him and say "Man, I love it when we get a little bit wild, like when we play-wrestled yesterday, OMG and like when you playfully spanked me that day, that was so totally hot. It's just so much FUN! Is there anything you'd like to do?" Try whatever it is that he suggests, even it it seems lame to you. You're building intimacy and braveness, and he has a bit of a ways to go to reach your level of comfort with all this. And then make suggestions yourself like "you know, last night I had this fantasy about you doing/using [insert something sexy here] on me/to me... it really turned me on. Does that sound hot to you?"

Again, key is - keep it about HIM ("I had this fantasy about YOU using this tool on me" as opposed to "I had this fantasy about this tool"), and keep it lighthearted, sweet and sexy. You're not practicing something dark and occult, you're enjoying each other creatively.

Of course, if what you really want/need is a hardcore Master who controls you because he wants to control you, who hurts you because he wants to hurt you, and all that jazz, then you seem to be shit out of luck with your current lovely man. And in that case, if that's what you're aiming for, it's not really fair to your guy to try to manipulate him into being someone he isn't, and waste years of his life that he could have spent with someone who wants him the way he is.

I don't know where you're at with this. And whether it's right or wrong really depends on your intentions. Is your intent to spice things up for you and your man in a way that will be fun for the both of you, or is your intent to manipulate him into somebody else because he's not what you need?

I say you go girl.
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