Bondage Forums

First, to klutzynutzy, my standard advice: Be honest. With yourself and your partners. It sounds like you've already had a frank discussion with the boyfriend, which is excellent, and hopefully the precursor to many more.

A commitment doesn't mean being sexually monogamous...it means being honest with someone. It means promising to tell them where you're coming from, and trusting them to tell you the same, and listening. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but it's all about communicating and accepting that communication, even if it doesn't fit your preconceived notions of how things should be.

Now, the anecdote: I am a mid-20's polyamorous man, with dominant tendencies. I'm also married, and have been since I was 18. Likely I've had fewer physical sexual partners than most self-identified monogamous people, including the original poster.

Like the original poster, I have been roleplaying online and in real life for years, and have had many fun and fulfilling experiences online, including meeting my wife. My relationship has weathered storms which I've seen ruin other marriages, mainly because of my compulsion for honesty even when it hurts, and my willingness to accept honesty in return. I don't always live up to my ideal, but I work toward it constantly.

Never give up your passions, or your stories. Relationships come and go, wax and wane. Be true to yourself, even if you don't like what you see.
--

http://www.submissiveloving.com/index.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/
http://www.bdsmrelationships.com/entry.htm

Here are three links you can both read together. I did a quick google search. You'll be able to find a lot more.

If you're going to quote me...quote me correctly. I did not reference an absolute. Nor was I yelling; but I understand your defensiveness. I was 21 once too.

You are getting truthful responses here; yet you still see what you want to see. We do understand you. Many that have responded are older. We have ALL been where you stand now. It's perfectly normal for you to rebel and tell us we're all wrong, and that we don't understand. But girl, isn't there a thread of common sense in you that can see we're trying to help; and that the things we're saying ARE the truth...since we've already been there/done that. Why not listen to those trying to help; rather than side with someone online who is most likely just using you. Step back a moment and look at things from a different perspective.

And as for online relationships...until you meet and establish an actual face to face friendship, your "relationship" with this individual will always be more fantasy versus reality. Perhaps this is safe to you and why you choose to cling to it. And before you get defensive; I role played for years before it became a bore and what I really wanted was to meet people in flesh 'n blood.

Your boyfriend has common sense. He knows what he can do for you, and more importantly, he knows what he can do for himself. I'd say this is a good lesson to learn from him, no matter what happens between you two.

I admit, 'revolving door' is not a good analogy for relationships. I used your words...and I put it in quotes. I never once advocated that you use or belittle yourself. I suggested you date and have fun. I didn't even suggest you sleep with anyone. The fact that you said you do not have the self esteem to be single sent off HUGE alarm bells. My god woman, if you were my daughter I'd slap some sense into you now....because someone has to. That statement alone is the very definition of why you should NOT be in a romantic relationship of any sort at the moment. If you don't see that now, you will continue down a very slippery slope for the next several years, until your life lessons will become harder and more painful...until god willing, you will finally wake up. If that's the life you want...your choice.

There's hope for you yet kid. From this, I can see you know exactly what you want in your life...and for some stupid reason you are choosing to distract yourself with stupid online, time wasting stupidity...and getting into relationships you clearly are not ready for.

Get YOUR life in order. Do all those things you want to do for yourself ... because if you don't do them now, 27 will come by very fast (trust me on this), and you'll have nothing to show for yourself...becuase you wasted all this time on nonsense.

You wanted the truth. There it is.

I don't really think you do understand though you seem to think you do. If you rp'd then you should at least remotely understand, but it seems like you either aren't really a rp'er at heart, or all you did was cyber with characters. There is no point to try to get you to understand.

I'm sorry, I forgot that I had used the 'revolving door' term (I wrote my response after work so I wasn't entirely thinking straight)

And I realize the self esteem issue is a problem, hence being in counseling

I am focusing on myself, just because I posted about the problem on here doesn't mean it is consuming my life...I am in College taking summer classes and in an Internship in a 6 year dual major program and have had more job offers than I could shake a stick at (then again...that saying never made sense to me). I have family, friends, and a life outside of the issue I came on here to talk about.

I don't consider anything that I chose to spend my time on as 'wasted' everything is an experience, good/bad/indifferent, it still adds to our life and shapes who we are.