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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support BDSM Relationships Brutality and Meanness in D/s? |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| Master_Trucker | Posted: 2004-07-30 19:51 | |
| Forum Newbie United States 67 Posts | My slave says some poeple use the label of Master or Mistress to rationalize bad behaviour. I think she's right. | |
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| firedaughter | Posted: 2004-07-30 19:57 | |
302.83 United States 5,978 Posts | Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? 1. Yes. For my kink I need some of this. It's hot, being brutalized. 2. To rule over or control arbitrarily or arrogantly; tyrannize. Yes, please. Being pushed around 'just because he can' is also hot. All the time? Prolly not..anything done constantly becomes a bore. 3. No, that'd be a yawn, to have no 'caveman' in the mix. The star captain fantasy is pretty interesting, though. Again, I want a full range, not a one-trick pony sorta relationship. 4. A couple can create any kind of dynamic they want, if they're enough in tune and work at it. But no, I do not want my top to feel 'owned' by me. Ick ick ick. - The color is black, the material is leather, the seduction is beauty, the justification is honesty, the aim is ecstasy, the fantasy is death. - Susan Sontag | |
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| skiesprism | Posted: 2004-07-30 20:00 | |
| Forum Maniac 2,355 Posts | skiesprism: I need someone to be brutal and mean to me, but I also want to feel loved - it's finding a balance which is difficult.
You're a peach, thank you very much. You're right when you agree with me, otherwise you're wrong - Lordandmaster Edited by - skiesprism on 2004-07-30 20:01:06 | |
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| Heathenistic | Posted: 2004-07-30 20:19 | |
Forum Apprentice Germany 172 Posts | 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? Necessary? No. Often a part of it? That depends entirely upon the couple involved. Some dominants feel the need to be cruel sons of bitches at all times, while others would rather care and nurture. Of course, there are some who are usually the latter of the two, but can turn on the meanness like a light switch when need be. Subs fall into the same three categories, as well - it's all based upon the needs and desires of the other, and whether or not they are compatible. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? I suppose my view on this is that there is a fine line between a domineering personality and someone who is just so smothering in their control that I find myself wondering if it's an insecurity problem with the dominant. You can be domineering without being overbearing - but again, I suppose it is all up to the two parties involved. I don't like to smother, and prefer a subbie who has an opinion, independant, intelligent, etc - while other dominants prefer doormats. It's all about personal preference, and again - finding someone to compliment and reciprocate yours. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? I can't speak as a submissive, but I do know that I'd rather someone submit to me because of some quality that I have which makes them want to, rather than someone who won't take no for an answer. In that, I'm not saying I'm a pushover, but there is a time and place for things in my opinion and ultimately, consent can be withdrawn as freely as it is given. If she doesn't want to play for any number of reasons, I'm not going to be an asshole and insist that it happens - taking it if need be. That's rape in my eyes, and I just don't see how that would fall under 'consentual' fun... It could be part of the dynamic in a master/slave relationship, but even as a master I would think that the well-being of your slave should be your top concern. If you care one bit for someone, you aren't going to abuse their love and trust. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? Anything is possible, really. If two people are in a committed relationship, where poly or multiple partner play has already been discussed and dismissed as a possibility, then yes - they would both be endeared to the other, and could have that 'owned by each other' dynamic. Just knowing that you belong to them/with them/etc should suffice, if you are truly committed. | |
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| nightdaughter | Posted: 2004-07-30 20:27 | |
Bright Blessing Canada 1,924 Posts | Infatuation:Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? No its not a necessity, but it does have its place on occasion to ad some spice, or just to make a point if things have gotten out of sink after a while 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? No ofcourse not, but then again if its moderated that it doesn't happen all the time, but on occasion for some good reasons that well it works for me 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? Well after a while it would be boring so not that would not be enough in the end for a healthy relationship, but as part of a relationship with preestalished deals, yes it would be. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? hmmm well if it is important that you feel owned then I am sure it would be possible. Personaly the fact that Master loves me, care for me, and take care of me when i'm ill makes me feel closer to him then anyone, not to mention other aspects that make me feel closer to him, then any other dominant i've been with. P.S. Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important As to this ... I'm not exactly into S&M yes I do enjoy some of it to various degrees, but it is not the biggest thing to me. As for humilation, degredation, etc Master and I are equals in our relationship, yes I am his slave, yes I serve him. But I also have my own ideas, my own life, my own personality. I complete him just as he completes me. -- | |
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| elyse | Posted: 2004-07-30 21:03 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,773 Posts | Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned?
2. No. In fact the advice my mother gave me long ago still rings true. It is the quiet ones you have to watch 3. Anyone who only has the ability to insist in their repertoire had best get a better bag of tricks. Insisting is only one tool and overuse of a tool is never a good thing. Besides my mind operates in such a way simply demanding my submission won't cut it, you need to inspire it. I know that is probably rubbing some the wrong way but it is what it is for me. 4. Owened is a strong word. I do know we feel committed, entwined, enmeshed, and I feel owned....but I dont think he feels owed. He feels the need to nurture, care for etc, as do I. Team Savage - catcher | |
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| realophelia | Posted: 2004-07-30 21:10 | |
Forum Apprentice United States 193 Posts | Infatuation:
I have to disagree with this assumption. I think S&M can be sensation play. Also that it can fulfill the sub's wants, and needs very nicely Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? Not a D/s relationship, no. My particular D/s relationship, yes. I'm not sure that brutality is a good word, however. I think I like cruelty better. And it is not just cruelty. There is some comfort thrown in there as well. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? Not necessarily domineering, but he does have to be able to take charge of me. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? I'm afraid that the starship analogies are wasted on me 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? This is very removed from the dynamic I'm familar with, so I really can't say. P.S. Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important. Yes to all. Take care | |
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| Infatuation | Posted: 2004-07-30 21:43 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,660 Posts | sazmira: Before I go into the tirade, if this has already been brought up I apologize. I was too irritated to read any further. I'm sorry you lost me at: "Of course, women who are into SM like to be crudely and rudely dominated..." Bullshit! That's one of the most asinine blanket statements I've ever read on this site. You're not the first one to blow up over that one.  It wasn't intended as "blanket" conclusion. It just poor wording. When I typed that statement I was thinking about people who enjoy an SM-flavored D/s that is based on humiliation, degradation and/or abjection. I realize that there are other forms of SM and I really didn't mean to include every possible concept of SM in my statement. I apologize if I have upset you. It was not my intent to make broad assumptions or blanket statements. I was merely attempting to communicate an idea, and I used less than clear wording to do so. Please understand that I am more guilty of being a poor communicator than I am of being bias against SM in general. I apologize again. | |
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| Ritual_Mentor | Posted: 2004-07-30 22:32 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,682 Posts | 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? I'm a Sadist. There is a certain roughness to my choice of how to behave, but I don't use psychological brutality. I just occasionally say this is how things are and will not be disuaded. My slave calls me Master Mean when she thinks I'm being overly brutal and wants to be spanked... HARD... 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? At least 51% of the time, or they are the submissive... 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? Being one that would do that would not be enough for me. I want to hear the sincerity of submission of will and for it to be of free will. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? If a couple each gives a piece of their heart to the other, then they each own a part of the other. How big a part is open to question for most couples.
~~ Minister of Affirmations & Denials ~~ NA Electronics & Surveillance Specialist "The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working." | |
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| MsLaura | Posted: 2004-07-30 23:37 | |
The one your mother warned you about United States 3,485 Posts | James you knew I'd skip straight to the questions right? K... here goes. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship?
3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? ~Zan~
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~*~ | |
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| James_Lord_Dominant | Posted: 2004-07-31 18:48 | |
| Forum Maniac United States 4,051 Posts | There's way too much brutality and meanness in this world, and I'm feeling it more than ever. Not that I suffer from it first-hand, but I see and hear a lot. Having a military history and political science background doesn't help either. I'm not about to perpetrate much more of it if I can possibly help it. When I Dominate, it can involve restraint, control and things that hurt, but it's never done with a mean or brutal intent or spirit. Instead, I want the girl to escape from the negativity that surrounds her vanilla life. In submission there is an escape, with helplessness and pain of the bedroom overcoming the helplessness and pain of the mundane world. "I didn't join an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity." Dominant Resident in Pittsburgh | |
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That said I do need a man who is a strong personality. Outgoing or overbearing is not a dominant personality. It can be a quality, a look, the way he carries himself. If I think he is not my equal or better there will be problem in the relationship. But I think if someone is viewing someone as less than their equal and it is not a conscious choice for the parties in the relationship then there will be problems anyhow.