Bondage Forums

A couple of things to consider is that a person inexperienced in Kink has a lot of preconceptions about what or how things work. All the stuff that you take for granted on why people do kinky stuff or have kinky relationship may not only be unclear to him or even appear very negative to him.

A common thought by men who have no kink experience is that all the physical stuff like spanking, grabbing, pulling, marking, scratching, etc. is close to violence. For many men they simply can't change that thinking and simply don't want to 'hurt' you.

You have to be *very* careful on what words you use and how you describe scenerios, because a vanilla guy won't understand 'hurt me' or 'make it hurt so good', etc, etc.

Explaining things more rather than simply putting him in various scenerios may help him understand the point on a bigger level.

Rather than thinking of spanking as about being bad, etc. one could also look at it as a way of showing possession or marking someone like a hicky. There are often comparative dynamics in vanlla relationships that show possession or desire, just in different ways.

Another example is that in vanilla relationships a man may give a woman jewelry, while in a kink relationship the man might put a collar on the woman.

I think it's very important to sort out if he wants to get it or not. He may not get it now, but is open to hearing more about it and learning, or he may simply not want to get it no matter what you do. The result is that he will start to feel very uncomfortable because you're not really listening to him telling you that it's not in him to be kinky.

Good luck...