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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support BDSM Relationships Brutality and Meanness in D/s? |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| Infatuation | Posted: 2004-07-30 12:17 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,660 Posts | (note: for those who like to cut right to the chase specific questions appear at the end of this post) I realize that many people who are into BDSM enjoy SM. But some are not sadomasochistic and are into it just for the BD and D/s. I see submissive women often post, and state in their profiles, that they want a sensitive caring Dom. They aren't seeking a crude rude domineering bastard. Of course, women who are into SM like to be crudely and rudely dominated, but all submissive women are not into SM. Many are just into sensation play. They also like their Dom to merely be in control of them (especially sexually), but not be overly controlling in the sense of ignoring the submissive's wants, needs, and desires. I have always felt much this same way about female Dominants. So many female Dominants come across in their profiles as being extremely domineering and demanding. On top of that they act like any sexual gratification that they might give their submissive would need to be highly earned, and that the submissive should feel extremely lucky when this happens. The entire dynamic is a complete turn off to me and I have absolutely no desire to become involved with such an insensitive domineering woman. Many women feel the same way about such insensitive domineering men. For me, bdsm is all about romantic eroticism. It's not at all about being brutal or mean. But then again, I openly admit that I'm not the least bit into SM. As a Dominant it is my deepest desire to bring out my submissive's most intimate submissive emotions. Demanding that she sexually surrender herself to me is a part of that. And yes, it does require insistence, persistence and determination. That's why it's calling being "dominant". But being dominant doesn't mean that I need to be a mean bully. I can be very insistence, persistent, and demanding without being a bully. For me, it's all about making a person feel like they are owned. But there is nothing inherent about a need to feel owned that automatically implies a need to feel bullied, disrespected, or degraded. I can make a woman feel like I own her completely without being the least bit mean toward her. Obviously this isn't going to satisfy those who seek SM. But for those who don't require SM this can be highly attractive. I would personally love to be made to feel like I was owned by a very nice polite shy quiet woman. In fact, that is actually my biggest fantasy, and my most intense turn-on. How could a polite shy quiet woman possibly make me feel owned you might ask? By simply demanding that this be the dynamic of our relationship. She doesn't need to demand it by acting wildly domineering and threatening. She merely needs to demand it by being coolly insistent and persistent about it. In fact, this is how I prefer to dominate a woman too. There's nothing inherent in D/s that prevents a couple from being equal best friends and still belonging to each other. In fact, there's really nothing preventing two sexually submissive people from owning each other simultaneously if they want to. That would ultimately come down to their creative intellectual ability to design a D/s arrangement that would work for both of them. Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? P.S. Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important. Edited by - Infatuation on 2004-07-30 15:21:28 | |
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| lynx_18 | Posted: 2004-07-30 12:25 | |
| Forum Newbie Cameroon 82 Posts | SM is something I enjoy, and is an integral part of my life and my relationship. My partner and I used to believe neither of us was interested in D/s, or humilation/degredation, etc. But somehow we fell into parts of it, and it's become part of our play. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? Sometimes it most certainly is. It's hard to do something like terror play without it. Additionally, have you ever had someone begging you to just let them cum? Softly spoken sweetness doesn't quite cut it then. I think an element of brutality and cruelness are absolutely essential in my relationship. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? No. I'm sure there are those who may prefer it, and there are certainly times where it could be useful, but no. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? From a Domme's point of view this would be incredibly boring. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? Absolutely, but it ain't easy. And on another note, it's really something of a gross generalization to say all or most female dominants are cruel and domineering etc. Most of the Dommes I know are anything but, and it's often a strech for them to be harsh. Moreover, there are a number of male subs who seek that harshness because it's such a contrast to what one expects in a woman. | |
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| trinket_ | Posted: 2004-07-30 12:27 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 146 Posts | 1) for me brutality and meaness is a kink I seek in men. I came into bdsm hoping to experience them safe, sane and consensually, with a mature and self aware partner. 2)I don't think he should have a domineering personality but for me at least, be able to role-play a domineering bastard at will. 3)It would bug me to have someone insist that I obey in general. But in playspace, oh yeah! 4) If feeling owned is feeling a security and comfort that comes out of love and a solid committment, sure! | |
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| Magdalene | Posted: 2004-07-30 13:06 | |
Forum Maniac United States 4,211 Posts | Infatuation: I see submissive women often post, and state in their profiles, that they want a sensitive caring Dom. They aren't seeking a crude rude domineering bastard. Of course, women who are into SM like to be crudely and rudely dominated, but all submissive women are not into SM. Many are just into sensation play. They also like their Dom to merely be in control of them (especially sexually), but not be overly controlling in the sense of ignoring the submissive's wants, needs, and desires. I like SM, but I also want a caring, sensitive Dom. I don't think the two are necessarily exclusive. Sometimes I feel a need for pain, and my Master fulfills that need. He has much more control over me than just sexually, and He does not ignore my wants, needs, or desires. For me, bdsm is all about romantic eroticism. It's not at all about being brutal or mean. But then again, I openly admit that I'm not the least bit into SM. As a Dominant it is my deepest desire to bring out my submissive's most intimate submissive emotions. Demanding that she sexually surrender herself to me is a part of that. And yes, it does require insistence, persistence and determination. That's why it's calling being "dominant". But being dominant doesn't mean that I need to be a mean bully. I can be very insistence, persistent, and demanding without being a bully. For me, it's all about making a person feel like they are owned. But there is nothing inherent about a need to feel owned that automatically implies a need to feel bullied, disrespected, or degraded. Your absolutely right, feeling owned does not equate with feeling bullied, disrespected, or degraded. Being spanked or slapped in the face or whatever by my Master does not make me feel bullied, disrespected, or degraded. It might make some people feel that way, but that is not a given. I can make a woman feel like I own her completely without being the least bit mean toward her. Obviously this isn't going to satisfy those who seek SM. Perhaps we are using different definitions of SM. I don't perceive my Master as being mean to me. But we do engage in what I believe is generally considered SM activities. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? No, not at all. In fact, I think those things are more likely related to an abusive relationship rather than a D/s one. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? No. According to my dictionary, domineering means exercising arbitrary and overbearing control. I think those things are generally a bad sign in a Dom/me. I want my Master to be consistent in His control over me. I don't want a Master I believe is unfair or unreasonable or who tries to exercise much more control that I want and that we've agree to. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? If that's our whole relationship, no. I want a Master who loves me and cherishes me and wants to take care of me. I want to belong to Him not only because He wants to own me, but also because it is my desire to be owned by Him. I do expect Him to require obedience from me, but I expect us to discuss the rules first, and to have all those other things also present in our relationship. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? Personally, I can't see how this would work, but if it does work for someone, then that's up to them. I guess what I mean is, I can't see it working for me. Magdalene | |
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| sweetkali | Posted: 2004-07-30 13:24 | |
Forum Maniac United States 3,931 Posts | Infatuation: (note: for those who like to cut right to the chase specific questions appear at the end of this post) And note that I went straight to the questions. Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? They'll never be part of any relationship I have, d/s or otherwise. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? Checks the dictionary to get the exact meaning of that word... To rule over or control arbitrarily or arrogantly; tyrannize. To exercise arbitrary or arrogant rule or control. Based on that, my answer is no.
Just the thought of me putting up with that makes me giggle. So, no. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? I probably should have read the rest of your post to understand this question... P.S. Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important. [/quote] I'm an odd one...humiliation and degradation are hard limits for me. Way fucking hard. And I don't honestly feel that anyone is "supoerior" to me. More knowledgable or better at certain things than myself? Sure. Superior? No. | |
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| FelineFemme | Posted: 2004-07-30 13:36 | |
AKA kytten  United States 6,185 Posts | Infatuation: Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? 1) Brutality and meanness isn't part of SM or DS. Brutality and meanness indicates a violent angry exchange, somethign that should have no part in teh lifestyle. you get mad and beat your sub, your an abuser. if you get angry, you step out of your roles a little bit and discuss it like adults. Punish her/him when you are no longer angry in a fair way if the situation requires it. 2) no. 3) what do you mean? if they did nothing else besides just go "oh I own you"? I've been in relationships like that, nilla with a collar I called it, it wasn't good. lol 4) both feel owned? no I dont think so... the head space kinda makes that not possible 0.o I am a masochist, SM is important to me, and its a loving exchange, no anger or hatred involved in it. ~Kytten~ "The dominant should possess at least the same level of personal integrity that he expects from his slave." ~ Christina Abernathy, Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual (Greenery, 1998) | |
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| enslaved_spirit | Posted: 2004-07-30 13:41 | |
| forum maniac United States 3,367 Posts | Questions: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? Absolutly not. There's a huge difference between being brutal and haveing firm control. Just like there's a huge difference between being Domineering and Dominant 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? No.. again there's a huge difference... damn, where's my dictonary? 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? Ummm no.. I need the affection that goes with it. I need the carressing and the feeling of being loved. But that's just me.. I also expect him to train and guide me thru this journey that I'm takeing with this lifestyle. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? Of course.. Spirit -- | |
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| Infatuation | Posted: 2004-07-30 13:49 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,660 Posts | First, I'd just like to thank everyone for their responses so far. Magdalene: Your absolutely right, feeling owned does not equate with feeling bullied, disrespected, or degraded. Being spanked or slapped in the face or whatever by my Master does not make me feel bullied, disrespected, or degraded. It might make some people feel that way, but that is not a given. Yes I agree that being spanked or slapped in the proper context does not represent being bullied, disrespected, or degraded. I was thinking more in terms of those dominants who seem to have a need for the submissive to be groveling at their feet, and generally viewing the Dominant as being superior. (this is probably more common in F/m D/s although I'm not sure about this) I do know that many male submissives supposedly thrive on this, although I have seen posts where male submissive complain about this single-minded approach as well. I suppose what I'm really trying to get at is how many people are not attracted to this mental form of a degradation/supremacy dynamic? In both M/f and F/m D/s. As you point out. Spanking and face slapping aren't necessarily degradation at all. It's just a form of showing who's in control at a given point in time. Magdalene: 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? No. According to my dictionary, domineering means exercising arbitrary and overbearing control. I think those things are generally a bad sign in a Dom/me. It seems we agree here as well. I just get so much of a sense that so many Dominant women seem to domineering in addition to being sexually dominant. But then I guess this is probably true of many male Doms too, people are just much quicker to label them HNGs. Magdalene: 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? If that's our whole relationship, no. I want a Master who loves me and cherishes me and wants to take care of me. I want to belong to Him not only because He wants to own me, but also because it is my desire to be owned by Him. I do expect Him to require obedience from me, but I expect us to discuss the rules first, and to have all those other things also present in our relationship. I think we are probably actually in agreement here too. I like what you said about requiring obdience within the framework of "discussed rules". I realize that this is the essence of any D/s relationship. But when reading some Dominant's profiles it appears that they are pretty insistent about making up all of the rules to begin with! In other words, the idea is that if you want to be their submissive you better aggree to all of their rules for D/s first. Actually if I was to take on a submissive woman I would be very interested in hearing what rules she would be comfortable with having in place. Then I would either accept or reject her rules (or consensually work with her to modify them). Part of my goal in being a Dominant would be to bring to her what she needs to feel submissive. With female Dominants I just don't get the impression that they are all that concerned about what I need to feel submissive. Many of them are so over-bearing in their initial demands that any submissive feelings that I might have had quickly dissipate into feelings of resentment. Why would I want to serve a dominant who doesn't even give a shit about my submissive feelings? Ya know what I mean? | |
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| Infatuation | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:01 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,660 Posts | enslaved_spirit: 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? Ummm no.. I need the affection that goes with it. I need the caressing and the feeling of being loved. But that's just me.. I also expect him to train and guide me thru this journey that I'm taking with this lifestyle. I guess that # 3 is a poorly worded question. I didn't really mean to imply that he would be barren of emotions. I guess I was kind of trying to differentiate between having a firm hand as opposed to being brutally forceful (within consensual guidelines of course). I'm not talking about non-consensual abuse. I'm just trying to say that some women prefer to be forced, while others are quite content with being handled firmly, but in a more civil manner. Like I say, it's hard to actually state the question without going into a lengthy description of what I'm trying to get at. Actually based on your response I would take that as a positive answer. That's because I can see caressing, loving, training and guiding as being "merely insisting" as opposed to being, say, more forcefully demanding and pushy. I think some women prefer a forceful demanding Dom, while others prefer a more intellectually persistent and insistent Dom. I know for me I much prefer the latter in a Domme than the former. Perhaps this is how I should have stated the question. Remind me to take more time to think next time when I start a new thread. | |
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| poppetses | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:06 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,856 Posts | Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important. I am primarily interested in D/s. While I do partake in S/M play from time to time, it isn't the driving force behind what I consider my needs - at least not physically. I can and have gone for extended periods of time without any sort of physical play or even contact, and it doesn't cause me to suffer in the same way that a lack of emotional domination does. I do not, under any circumstances, do humilation play - my definition of that encompasses things that are, again, primarily physical and often visual. I do not do 'mess', for example; no watersports, scat play, deprival of baths or showers. I do, however, have an intense need for degradation - my definition of that pertains to practices and processes that are primarily mental or emotional, and which focus on placing and keeping me at a lesser status than those around me, as well as reminding me of that status and why I belong there. From that, you can probably guess that I do prefer to feel that my partners are superior to me. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? If we're speaking only for what we desire personally from such an arrangement, then at least from time to time, yes. I don't necessarily want someone who's that way constantly, but I find it much harder to tolerate someone who's always gentle, caring, affectionate...and so on. In my experiences, those who tend toward that end of the scale have not been able to give me what I needed with regards to the processes I mentioned above, often out of a belief or fear that it would be abusive to do so. I'm much more compatible with someone who's capable of behaving in such a manner when called for. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? Eh...this is kind of an 'It depends' thing. By the dictionary definition given in another post, I do believe it would get on my nerves if it was constant - however, again, I do prefer to be owned by someone whom displays their dominance very clearly, and not someone who's subdued about it. Some arrogance is better than none. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? No. I do expect that a dominant who desires my service will insist on that, but I also expect that it will go beyond 'merely' - that if I do not do so willingly, steps will be taken to rectify the situation. (Note that this does not apply to such things as limit-pushing, and presumes that I have at least some desire to be of service to the dominant in question.) I want to know that he not only has the ability to back up his claim to me, but will do so - someone who will handle the situation if I feel harassed by another, even if he knows that I won't cast aside his collar in favour of a new one. I don't really enjoy being owned by someone who says, "I know you can handle this on your own - go do it." I don't feel secure in that situtation. I don't feel protected, or possessed enough. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? I'm confused by this question, honestly. I haven't looked at your profile, so I'm not certain what your orientation is, but your post makes it sound as if you might be a switch? - based on the statement that you can make a woman feel owned, and would also like to be owned by the appropriate woman. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) I lean towards the 'Extremly submissive' end of the scale, so the idea that my owner would also be owned by me is...a bit horrifying, really. Ownership implies authority, in my opinion. While there are certain things I do expect of whoever may own me, I don't want to have authority within the arrangement itself, if that makes sense. I appreciate it if I'm given input on a matter - and there are a few places I will put my foot down - but in general, I don't want to exert authority over someone else. I don't want to own someone else. I'm not into equality, as mentioned - I am not equal, and I am certainly not superior. In addition, because I didn't see this post until after I'd made mine: I think some women prefer a forceful demanding Dom, while others prefer a more intellectually persistent and insistent Dom. In my opinion, the two aren't necessarily a contradiction - while I do prefer a bit of 'force' (I put in in 'alf-quotes because I often don't need to be forced; I just like it to be present), I would not tolerate a corresponding lack of intelligence - that, in fact, would be far more anathaema to me than a gentle but brilliant dom. -- It's all fun and games until someone puts a pirate's eye out. And then it's just pointing and laughing. Edited by - poppetses on 2004-07-30 14:14:20 | |
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| Bydarra | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:09 | |
| Forum Regular United States 836 Posts | I'm a sensualist that can do SM play for my partner's benefit but it's not a turn on for me. As for humiliation/degradation, I don't see the appeal and will not engage in it even in play. I was raised with southern values which, to me, include valuing my partner and making sure she knows it. In short, I'm a gentleman even if I am kinky. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? Since the D/s relationship and BDSM activities are complementary, not necessarily inevitably linked, I don't think so. I know that my 'flavor' of D/s is based more on an understanding of my partner and her needs/desires and the building of trust and communication. Brutality and meanness don't have a part in that. That said, I know that there are folks out there that want to be degraded. I don't get it but that's their need and I have no special knowledge that lets me say they're wrong. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? If by domineering, you mean a control freak, then no. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? skipped since I'm not submissive. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? I don't see how but will be interested to read some responses by the switchy population. | |
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| Miss_Morrigan | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:19 | |
| Forum Slut United Kingdom 1,098 Posts | Infatuation Of course, women who are into SM like to be crudely and rudely dominated Infatuation, I'm actually shocked to see that's your perception of an SM relationship dynamic. It certainly bears no resemblance to any of the relationships I've experienced and sadomasochism is an integral part of my life. I'm sure there are females who enjoy being crudely and rudely dominated, I happen not to be one of them. I do enjoy, and have enjoyed, being in a relationship with a Dominant/Sadist that is erudite, skillful, charming and cultured. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? No, again they bear no relation to any loving relationship I have been in. I enjoy a man who will skillfully use whatever tools necessary to satiate OUR SM avidity but there is no meanness involved. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? I need to be in a relationship with someone that is emotionally balanced. Domineering/tyrannical behaviour is far removed from that... Domineering people lack recognition of their partner/s happiness/general well-being and are prone to being self-serving, caring little about anyone elses needs but their own. A Dominant should have confidence and doesn't need to take by force that which is given willingly. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? There is so much more to a relationship. I want a relationship where we learn from one another, where I'm guided and my energy is harnessed. One that is based on mutual respect and in which we experience full acceptance, no reservations. While I can't be owned by anyone (I only belong to Walmart's, the barcode on my neck states I do), my love for them keeps me in the relationship. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? Not owned as such, but become dependent upon one another, yes. Janie | |
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| Magdalene | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:23 | |
Forum Maniac United States 4,211 Posts | Infatuation: With female Dominants I just don't get the impression that they are all that concerned about what I need to feel submissive. Many of them are so over-bearing in their initial demands that any submissive feelings that I might have had quickly dissipate into feelings of resentment. Why would I want to serve a dominant who doesn't even give a shit about my submissive feelings? Ya know what I mean? I don't have any personal experience with Dommes, so I can't really speak to this. My guess would be that some are like this and some are not. As with Doms, I'm sure it can be difficult to find the good ones. And I sure wouldn't want to serve anyone who didn't care about my feelings either. Magdalene | |
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| Ildico | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:34 | |
| Forum Maniac 3,407 Posts | Infatuation: 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? No 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? In some sense yes, but I guess it could be developed. 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? No one "belongs" to me. That my quite submissive husband stays with me is because he wants to do it. Further, the reason he does as I say (mostly) is because he likes it. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned?
P.S. Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important. I can appreciate *light* S/M in the sense of "pain" (and I like both ends of it - switching simply). I don't like degradation or humiliation or superiority.
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| longtallsally34 | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:43 | |
| Forum Newbie United States 53 Posts | OK. I would have to say that I don't think that D/s has to be bullied. However I happen to like the degrading aspects of the life., I thrive on it. Something I can give very few though. what do I find bullying? Expecting to be the one who fetches. So just because it is not your kink don't knock it. Actually I find it irritating that people equate D/s and SM anyways. They are different things. One is a relationship dynamic the other are actions. I don't feel that my partner is superior to me. I enjoy the knowledge that I would do anything to keep her. I find it hot and incredible turn on and very different. Is she superior..no. would I still grovel at her feet? Yes. Do they have to be domineering? No. But the way I play I enjoy it. So for me it would be yes. Simply stating that You own me? I doubt it sometime I would need to reined in and shown. | |
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| indigo302 | Posted: 2004-07-30 14:47 | |
| Forum Initiate United States 35 Posts | First to answer your questions...then a few comments. I do not label myself a masochist for several reasons, however, others have said it of me. I am much more into D/s, with the added benefit of SM, if that makes sense. 1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship? No, brutality and meanness are not a part of any D/s relationship I might enter into. Though I enjoy pain to a certain extent( Okay maybe moreso than some), if it is not given from a point of caring and desire, then it's simply pain, and it hurts. 2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality? Domineering is not something I enjoy. I enjoy strongly dominant men, who are confident in themselves. In my opinion, domineering comes out of a place of insecurity rather than security 3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you? No, it's not enough for me. I need to know the dominant cares about me and has my best interests at heart. But that is why I take a good deal of time getting to know someone. 4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned? I'm sure it is possible, but please don't ask me how...because I haven't a clue Now onto my comments.... I was thinking more in terms of those dominants who seem to have a need for the submissive to be groveling at their feet, and generally viewing the Dominant as being superior. (this is probably more common in F/m D/s although I'm not sure about this) In the past, I have found this to be more of a female dominant/male submissive sort of thing, mailnly because many male submissives either enjoyed it, or they learned to live with it as it was all they could find, and some is better than none. However, I am now seeing more of it in the male dominant/ female submissive realm, I'm not sure why. But when reading some Dominant's profiles it appears that they are pretty insistent about making up all of the rules to begin with! In other words, the idea is that if you want to be their submissive you better aggree to all of their rules for D/s first. While this seems a bit one sided, perhaps there is another reason for it. Many dominants that I know will give their thoughts, rules, ideals of D/s upfront, giving the submissive the information they need to decide "Is this dom right for me?", rather than finding someone who is *almost* right and trying to change them. It eliminates the guessing game in my opinion. Though yes, many who do this in profiles and ads are more the domineering types. So you have to decide through the content which type it is Why would I want to serve a dominant who doesn't even give a shit about my submissive feelings? Ya know what I mean? Exactly! You shouldn't. Those are the ones to pass on by.
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