Bondage Forums

Questions:

1.) From your point of view are brutality and meanness a necessary part of a D/s relationship?

Brutality, perhaps, depends on the relations, circumstances and needs. For myself some amount of brutality is doctrinal, part of the training process. Also part of the ongoing discipline process not to be confused with punishment. Im not going to go off on a tangent of defining all the variations to brutal.

Meaness in my opinion has little or no place in D/s. SM, yes on occassion when the situation calls for it. Such as rape fantasies, degradation play especially heavy humiliation. But as part of the relationships involved in D/s I think its counter productive.

2.) Does a dominant necessarily need to have a domineering personality?

No I know of several dominants who some call too soft, others dont see as dominants at all. Many service tops are not dominant in nature either if you think it through. But some dominants simply expect a peaceful execution of their Will, finding power struggles to tiring and worthless to engage in. For myself a little tussle from time to time is fine, more than that gets some quick and thorough remedial training. But do I think all dominants need to be overtly dominant in nature, no.

3.) Would a Dominant who merely insists that you obey and belong to them be enough for you?

Hmm - not applicable.

I think what I meant here is, do you prefer the more physical "caveman approach" or the more intellectual "starship captain approach"?

<LOL> Balance in all things. Some days you get the rump some days you get the head.

4.) Do believe that a couple could successfully create a D/s dynamic that could make both of them feel owned?

NO. From a purely dominants perspective, one inkling someone thinks they own me and they're gone. Counter to my nature.

P.S. Just to better clarify where you are coming from it might be nice to include whether or not SM is important to you, and in particular whether humiliation, degradation, and/or a need to feel that your partner is somehow superior to you is important.

Cannot answer this obviously from internal personal experience. From obervation and experience on the other side, yes, a sense of superiority is often needed. On some level at least, more for some than for others. Typically more for those into degradation than those who simply wish to serve (who need a larger sense of respect for those they serve). Those into being degraded can be so by people they detest on some level or have a marked lack of respect for.

Be well all

#2 NONONONONO!!! Dominant is fine, my mother forever cooked me on domineering by the time I was 18 and left home.

#3 To me insistence on things being a certain way or else is a mark of insecurity on the part of a dominant. The secure ones win you with getting to know you, knowing you care about them and they about you. When one truly desires to please forcing one's wants on someone is unnecessary. A simple would you ---? should be enough if she really wants to please. Its also polite and well mannered. It also recognizes that submission is not a single choice but a series of choices that the submissive makes every time he asks something and she complies out of her need to please him.

#4 People can create any situation which is pleasing to them both.

No I don't need to feel humiliated, inferior to, or degraded. As a matter of fact none of those are things I want from this. To me ideally I would feel more truly me, more happy, more content, and proud of being what and what I am. Even in a scene context alone, those are not things I seek.

I thank everyone for all responses actually. It's nice to know what other people are into and why they find something attractive or unattractive.

I also answered his questions.

And you are welcome. And back at you.
--
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- -- George MacDonald
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I would agree that you are being a 'nice' person by brutally beating the shit out of your submissive partner who desires this consensually.

But I would still say that you have a brutal D/s arrangement. It's consensual. It's cool. And if it works for you and your partner it's even 'nice'. But it's still "brutal D/s".

Also, if you're partner thrive on you calling her names and treating her like shit then that would be "mean D/s". She might think that you are one hell of a 'nice' guy for treating her that way. And I would agree that you are a 'nice' person to only do this within the confines of a consensual D/s relationship. But I would still call it "mean D/s". The whole dynamic is based on you being brutal and mean to her.

That doesn’t mean that you are not a nice person. It simply means that you engage in brutal and mean D/s because this is what you and your partner like. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think that it's great when couples find compatible partners for that type of D/s.

I just prefer D/s that's based on a different type of dynamic, and I'm interested to see just how many other folk are also interested in the less brutal forms of D/s. Personally I believe that D/s can actually exist in the most bubbly nice polite sort of way that would make most bdsm'ers throw up.

But I really don't expect to go that far to the other extreme either. I'm just enjoying hearing responses, and there have been some really great ones!

Again, thank you to everyone who has responded. I have read all ideas and views and find them all interesting.

I cannot get the link to work right now, but this is my major kink:
www.takeninhand.com

I also need some moderate SM and role/age play.

I prefer dominants who are sensitive, polite and somewhat shy. In other words, who are gentlemen. People with real power and confidence do not shout it from the rooftops.

It sounds as if you are questioning whether you are "man enough." It's a common step along the road for new dominants. That is a dance the two of you will need to work out to together through trial and error. I am guessing that you are.

A little switching sexually never bothers me, but I do ultimately need him to be in control most times. I would prefer he order me to do things to him and to control how I do them rather than submitting to me.

I do see too many male subs, however, pretend to be dominant just to stay in a D/s dynamic. I think a relationship future is more secure turning a forceful woman into a domme than it is pretending to be a dom with a woman who knows that she is submissive. This is just my opinion, YMMV.

You seem like a great catch no matter what. Have fun with the trial and error part!

Regards,
Callie
--
Bill: You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person. But every once in a while you just can be a real cunt.
-Kill Bill: Vol. 2