Bondage Forums

There is nothing in the following tale that (a) is embellished even a little; and (b) reflects well on me. But it is funny.

Many years ago I was involved in a long distance relationship with a lovely woman in the Pacific Northwest - I lived there as well, but we were a couple of hours apart by air - in any case we found ways to keep the spark over the distance.

I was in Florida on a business trip and got half-hammered one evening in the hotel bar and stumbled into bed about midnight Eastern Time. I called my better half and found that she wasn't in, and instead I got her ex-husband's fiancée, who was baby-sitting that night.

I was a gregarious drunk, and we had a lovely chat - having never met we had LOTS to talk about - and the upshot is that we ended up having phone sex - the naughty little minx. Thus partially satiated, I went into a blissful sleep.

Said sleep was interrupted about 3 hours later as the phone was blasting in my ear. In a mistaken response due to intoxication and sleep induced confusion I answered the phone.

Girlfriend was FUMING! Had the fiancée ratted me out to my girlfriend? Oh no! She got home to fiancée (my girlfriend's ex-husband you recall) and got a case of the guilts and spilled all. HE called to ask my girlfriend to ask me not to seduce his fiancée again. That was when she reached for the phone and did a pretty good impression of Mount Vesuvius.

The call ended with the problem unresolved, and when I tried to reach her the next day when I was both awake and sober, she was not available. The day after that she called to inform me that she was so pissed at me that she went out the night before to a college bar and found a young fellow, took him to her car and blew him in the backseat.

Just about the time I was going to ask her how this was punishment for me - she informed me angrily that this was just the sort of thing I would require of her as a test, and that I would have enjoyed and it ruined the whole experience for her. At this point, I really broke down in derisive hoots of laughter.

In order to get back on track, she asked for a "project". So I told her to go to an adult bookstore in her city, one with video booths. I told her to go in, shut the door and watch the movies. After a few minutes she was to open the door slightly, and the first man with the fortitude to open the door and step IN the booth, she was to blow him to completion. (No lectures, I knew she would never follow through - but she wanted a test, so I gave her one.)

We picked a day, and she was to call before and after the event to inform me of her actions. She did call before, but I didn't hear from her until nearly midnight that night. What have we here?

On the appointed Sunday she went to the adult bookstore, got change, found a booth and did as instructed. Just as she was screwing up her courage to crack the door, there came a sharp KNOCK on the door.

"City Police. Please step out of the booth."

Stunned, freaked and generally mortified, she fixed her clothes and stepped out of the booth. And there stood a uniformed police officer.

It seems the clerk at the store had been dealing drugs out of the store and the local constabulary chose that day to raid the joint and arrest the miscreant. Along with that they interviewed every single patron in the place en mass.

So here she is, a single, attractive woman with all these members of the raincoat crowd, being grilled by the local cops. After taking her info from her driver's license the following exchange took place.

Cop: "Do you come here often, ma'am?"

Her: "No, officer. I swear it is my first time! My boyfriend made me do it!"

Cop: "Uh-huh. First time. Suuuuuuuuuurrrrrrreeeee."

Again, she called pissed at me - and I laughed my ass off. To this day I am still laughing my ass off. We parted for various reasons, but she is remembered as an incredibly good sport.

I matured of course. I would never DREAM of doing anything like that today. Honest.

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Thus endeth the lesson. Try to cope.

I am so glad you wouldn't dream of doing that anymore.

Can you hurry up, please? Can I fantasize that you're the cop knocking on the door? And will you bring a billy club, stick thingie?

Well if you insist...but I wasnt going to charge you...however if you would like to make a donation that is entirely up to you

MUWAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*uncrashes TDD's thread*
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~*~~*~Yeah at some point going to piss you off...but hey, at least I warned you right?! ~*~~*~

PLEASE! I have yet to begin to scratch the surface of my youthful stupidity.
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Thus endeth the lesson. Try to cope.