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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support Support, Help, & Advice watersports as not humiliating? |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| dinner | Posted: 2008-06-09 02:04 | |
Forum Initiate United States 24 Posts | I have a question i'm hoping some of you can help with. i've recently started dating a Dom who is interested in watersports. Originally i said no, but after a few dates he asked me why and i explained that i get infections easily and so i don't even consider it. He explained that he was interested in the receiving, not giving so that shouldn't be an issue and just asked me to think about it. after a few days, i asked him what he had in mind. He suggested we start by just him being in the room while i use the toilet, but i had performance anxiety and couldn't go.  the thing is, he doesn't find it humiliating, or submissive to be on the receiving end, but i do. he thinks of it as incredibly intimate, and erotic. i have lots of anxiety about trying this, technical and otherwise. but mostly i'm afraid that it would ruin the D/s dynamic in my mind. i think i'm afraid to start down a road that might ruin a potentially significant relationship. Thank you all for any ideas or advice you might have. I lie I wait I stop I hesitate I am I breathe I melt I think of me. Is it any wonder I cant sleep. All I have is all you gave to me. Is it any wonder I found peace. Through you. Smashing Pumpkins Eye | |
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| pinkwind | Posted: 2008-06-09 03:53 | |
Dun quhynging! United Kingdom 10,305 Posts | If my Master, Andy, tells me to do something for him i try my level best no matter what it is. What isn't up to me is to decide what it is he should like, what floats his boat and how he should feel about wanting me to perform a certain task for him. If you find this humiliating it might just be that it is part and parcel of why he wants this, who knows. That he wants you to do it should be enough for you to want to give it your full attention and 100% effort. How can being given a task to perform be seen as damaging to your D/s dynamic, unless the sub themselves cannot get beyond their own impression of what is Domly and what isn't? i don't see any of Andy's proclivities in any other light than him wanting something, and me expected to provide it. Why should i question whether something is a Dominant or submissive act? True it turns the tables on your usual expectations and perceptions of both watersports and who gives and takes, but isn't that part of the challenge here? You need to take a step back and rethink things, and maybe communicate the dichotomy you are struggling with. Personally, i would worry more about my own inability to do something reasonable that was asked of me and why i was questioning my Master's motivation. ours not to reason why, perhaps... -- pink... Master Andy's emotion... From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs. | |
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| arayofsunshine | Posted: 2008-06-09 05:44 | |
black swan United States 10,587 Posts | Watersports is not humiliating for me. He's got a fetish. Maybe he should be able to indulge. He wants to be in the same room while you pee? That will humiliate you. Try not to project your own sense of an experience onto him and you might find this an easier go of it. This is a skill which will stand you in good stead in other aspects of your relationship. Sunshine Daddy's owned HN/JB. Seeing the goodness in someone does not imply ignoring their difficult qualities or unskilled actions. Rather, we can fully acknowledge these difficulties, while at the same time we choose to focus on the positive. If we focus on the negative we will naturally feel anger, resentment, or disappointment. If we focus on the positive, we will forge connection to the person. Sharon Salzberg | |
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| _bound_ | Posted: 2008-06-09 06:09 | |
"pervtastic" United States 2,150 Posts | It's not always about humiliation. It can be quite intimate and erotic depending on the circumstances the 'shower' is given or received. A good example; The two of you are bathing together. He pulls you onto his lap so that you are straddling him. You kiss, explore, and have that eye sex thing going on. You begin to flow onto him as you rub against him, while his hands continue to explore your body. I don't think that type of intimacy has much to do with being dominant or submissive. It has to do with sharing a moment of closeness and enjoying the way the other feels. ~humiliate me honest~ | |
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| NASHVILLEDOM | Posted: 2008-06-09 06:10 | |
Liberal Dragon Slayer United States 33,591 Posts | dinner: but mostly i'm afraid that it would ruin the D/s dynamic in my mind. i think i'm afraid to start down a road that might ruin a potentially significant relationship. Thank you all for any ideas or advice you might have. You are right and that is reason enough not to attempt to go down that road. Only those that lead a sheltered life don't know that some dom because they can't find one to submit to and try to turn her into a switch or Domme. Many experienced submissives here have stated the same thing so you are not alone. nd | |
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| SwitchySuzy | Posted: 2008-06-09 06:12 | |
Forum Slut Netherlands 1,182 Posts | My husband and I once agreed on a rule I would have to follow for a week. Whenever he was there (or maybe it was after 5 pm, I forget) and I needed to pee, I would have to ask him permission. He would then decide if I would be allowed to go, and how and where that would be. He reserved the right to tell me I would have to pee in his mouth. Not as a dominant act, but as a thoroughly submissive act, doing that, no matter how hard it is for me to take a piss in company, let alone in his mouth, for the sole reason that he told me to. Those were some of the most submissive experiences in my life. Lately I have been practising peeing every time I take a shower, in hopes that I will be better able to piss in his mouth whenever he wants me to, instead of only when I've had a few beers and feel about ready to burst. Again for the sole reason that he told me to. And that makes me hot. | |
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| _bound_ | Posted: 2008-06-09 06:19 | |
"pervtastic" United States 2,150 Posts | NASHVILLEDOM: Only those that lead a sheltered life don't know that some dom because they can't find one to submit to and try to turn her into a switch or Domme. Maybe his reasoning has nothing to do with the D/s dynamic. For him, it could be a form of intimacy. It doesn't mean he is trying to change her. I agree, some doms do have ulterior motives, but to assume that is the case, isn't being fair to him. To the OP; If you question that he is trying to make you something you're not, then talk to him. Find out his reasoning behind wanting to receive. You've stated he finds it intimate and erotic... perhaps it is just that and nothing more. ~humiliate me honest~ | |
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| vorpal_bunny | Posted: 2008-06-09 07:48 | |
Forum Maniac 3,460 Posts | but mostly i'm afraid that it would ruin the D/s dynamic in my mind If you can't control your mind he will never be able to and you won't have a D/s dynamic anyway. Frodo failed! Bush has the ring. | |
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| roberta555 | Posted: 2008-06-09 08:01 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,031 Posts | I am with sunshine on this: Try not to project your own sense of an experience onto him and you might find this an easier go of it. This is a skill which will stand you in good stead in other aspects of your relationship. Why ruin what may be a great experience? I don;t find golden showers or any watersports humiliating either, only in the beginning when I didn't understand. Last summer, I had a short but lovely relationship with "Daddy"...who is very much a dominant. He loved to watch me pee and wipe me which took awhile for me to get used to but I try to find the humour in things so I feel more comfortable. I giggled alot at first but eventually it became very intimate. He didn't care if I peed on his hand or anywhere on him.... he loved it. He also loved to suckle and some don't see this as a very domly thing... this was a very dominant thing for him; he was drawing the energy from inside me... I was feeding him my most intimate self. You obviously care for him so listen to him and not the rule book! Follow his lead and let your self enjoy what pleases him. As Pink says.. How can being given a task to perform be seen as damaging to your D/s dynamic, unless the sub themselves cannot get beyond their own impression of what is Domly and what isn't? Be in "your" realtionship...not someone else's! Good luck... | |
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| _mandie_ | Posted: 2008-06-09 08:51 | |
Bead Maniac Canada 8,281 Posts | Admittedly I have little experience with watersports so far but I know the dude who tops me talks about it as being an intimate and sharing experience and not a humiliating one. I kind of see it in the same light as that. While certain parts of it do make me feel more submissive, I don't find it humiliating. I know it may sound strange but for me it's also a way of taking him into myself since I can't do that in other ways. It works the other way around too...if he's receiving my pee in some way, I don't see it as him being less toppy at all, I see it as him bringing out and sharing an extremely private part of myself.
What would Muffy do? | |
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| Finn`` | Posted: 2008-06-09 09:40 | |
Forum Maniac Canada 4,794 Posts | _mandie_: Admittedly I have little experience with watersports so far but I know the dude who tops me talks about it as being an intimate and sharing experience and not a humiliating one. I kind of see it in the same light as that. While certain parts of it do make me feel more submissive, I don't find it humiliating. I know it may sound strange but for me it's also a way of taking him into myself since I can't do that in other ways. It works the other way around too...if he's receiving my pee in some way, I don't see it as him being less toppy at all, I see it as him bringing out and sharing an extremely private part of myself. -- What would Muffy do? Its all a matter of context really. Drinking a cold glass of pee while hearing "Drink it bitch!"...Humiliating. Holding each other and letting go..feeling that warmth...more sharing. And then theres everything in between. The humiliation aspect of it..being a taboo thing and all does help make it an ideal thing for working on submission....but you can do it in many degrees.
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| rubbamaster | Posted: 2008-06-09 11:52 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,273 Posts | dinner: Thank you all for any ideas or advice you might have. Er, I get the idea your Dom is a switch! Sounds like your Domme training is coming along nicely though | |
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| fire6brand | Posted: 2008-06-09 12:05 | |
Forum Regular Bouvet Island 507 Posts | edited thoughts... awake now... plenty of good advice here without my ramble. :) Edited by - fire6brand on 2008-06-09 21:14:41 | |
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| Fauns_lullaby | Posted: 2008-06-09 12:10 | |
Forum Apprentice Canada 187 Posts | Is there anything about you thats not hot? Excuse me while I pick myself up and out of my puddle. bound_pleasure: It's not always about humiliation. It can be quite intimate and erotic depending on the circumstances the 'shower' is given or received. A good example; The two of you are bathing together. He pulls you onto his lap so that you are straddling him. You kiss, explore, and have that eye sex thing going on. You begin to flow onto him as you rub against him, while his hands continue to explore your body. I don't think that type of intimacy has much to do with being dominant or submissive. It has to do with sharing a moment of closeness and enjoying the way the other feels. ~humiliate me honest~ -- ~snowflake~ | |
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| _WickedWench_ | Posted: 2008-06-09 13:58 | |
Just horsing around  United Kingdom 1,885 Posts | NASHVILLEDOM: dinner: but mostly i'm afraid that it would ruin the D/s dynamic in my mind. i think i'm afraid to start down a road that might ruin a potentially significant relationship. Thank you all for any ideas or advice you might have. You are right and that is reason enough not to attempt to go down that road. Only those that lead a sheltered life don't know that some dom because they can't find one to submit to and try to turn her into a switch or Domme. Many experienced submissives here have stated the same thing so you are not alone. And there are plenty of experienced submisives, including myself, whose dominant partners enjoy being on the receiving end of bondage, pain, and a whole host of other activities, but are not in the least bit submissive. dinner, I guess I experience the things I do to Master as submission because I see dominant as "person in control" and not as "person who does this activity, that activity, but definitely not that activity". If he makes demands and I meet them he is the dominant person, irrespective of what those demands are. He can seek to be intimate with me in whatever manner he chooses. If he chooses to piss on me he is dominant. If he instructs me to piss on him he is also dominant. In both cases he is in control and I am submitting.
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| hellagood | Posted: 2008-06-09 14:33 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,551 Posts | dinner: i have lots of anxiety about trying this, technical and otherwise. but mostly i'm afraid that it would ruin the D/s dynamic in my mind. i think i'm afraid to start down a road that might ruin a potentially significant relationship. can't you try it and NOT have to do it for the duration of the relationship? I mean, I understand it might affect your head space but nothing is THAT permanent. I think arayofsunshine had a good point, you have to take your own projection out of it and think of his pleasure, maybe hear more about his perspective. Edited by - hellagood on 2008-06-09 14:35:58 | |
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