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| SirBring | Posted: 2008-08-27 17:11 | |
| Forum Regular United States 921 Posts | I've got a really personal issue that I've been mulling over, but 'm not quite sure who to talk to or where to go for info on it- other than googling. I'm 35 years old, never married, and don't have kids. I really don't like the idea of marriage. I can't imagine a vanilla relationship. I've gotten to the point, where I don't like the idea of AUPS either. So, I was thinking of getting a vasectomy. I'd like to have a sub/slave/life partner, but I don't really want AUPS. From those that have read some of my earlier posts you know that I have a difficult relationship with my father. The devil's advocate in my head says not wanting to be a father is a reaction to my dislike for my father. But, the more I think about, the more I watch my siblings- especially my father's son- with their AUPS, I just don't want that responsibility and relationship. So, I'm not sure if I should do it or not, but I've been thinking about it really hard. The other practical question is how to find a good doc to do it. If anybody has any advice, I'd appreciate it. | |
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| Samantha4554 | Posted: 2008-08-27 17:17 | |
Forum Slut Canada 1,033 Posts | Tell me.... do you think you are going to feel this way in a year from now? Do you not think that you can find someone that will make you think different? No one can predict the future. It is a reversible operation, although nothing is perfect. Being only 35 does not mean the end of having children. I truly do hope that you have thought long and hard about this, and don't jump into a decision that will affect your life permanently. Just curious tho, does this have anything to do with contraception, or is it because of what you have been through? Just remember, no one can predict the future. I personally would hang on a wee bit longer.
Sympathy is between Shit and Syphillis in the dictionary What happens if you get scared half to death twice? The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. | |
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| little_wonder1 | Posted: 2008-08-27 17:26 | |
Forum Maniac  United States 8,113 Posts | If you're having any second thoughts whatsoever...wait..don't do it. You may find later down the road you should have done the opposite. If you really feel this is a major problem in your life and how you feel then I would speak with a therapist who could maybe help you through all the views. If you do decide you want a vasectomy then shop around. Ask others who have had one in your area who they went to, shop around just like you would a new car or anything else. Get second opinions and just see which one you feel the most comfortable with. Good luck to you -- Personally, I hold that a man, who deliberately and intelligently takes a pledge and then breaks it, forfeits his manhood. | |
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| SirBring | Posted: 2008-08-27 17:31 | |
| Forum Regular United States 921 Posts | Samantha4554: Tell me.... do you think you are going to feel this way in a year from now? Do you not think that you can find someone that will make you think different? I don't know and I can't imagine Just curious tho, does this have anything to do with contraception, or is it because of what you have been through? Do you mean do I want to do it so I won't need to use a condom? No, as kinky as I am I'm kind of wierd about intercourse. I don't usually go that far, I stick with other stuff, unless it's a person I'm really committed to- which hasn't happened often. Or is it because of recent history? I'm not completely sure on that. I've been thinking about it for awhile. My mother loves being a grandmother and when my nephew was born I had about a three month grace period. Then, she started hinting again. I've probably thought about no AUPS since then. But, actively doing something about it- especially something that is permanent-but probably not- I've only been thinking about the past two months. I'm self employed and the best time to do it would be over the holidays. So the earliest I could probably have it done would be the end of November. So, I have a built in timeframe to think about it. | |
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| Samantha4554 | Posted: 2008-08-27 17:47 | |
Forum Slut Canada 1,033 Posts | SirBring Or is it because of recent history? I'm not completely sure on that. Not completely sure on anything is reason to think harder before making a decision. I've probably thought about no AUPS since then Again, I do feel you are terribly undecisive. Permantly is not the word here. Probably is. It is your own words. The Operation can maybe be reversed, but I do believe by your own words your mind is 90% made up. There are a few morals (per se) left wondering if it is your best option. That is for you to decide. I am not trying to sway you in one direction, believe me, BUT I do think you should spend ALOT more time deciding. I do realize from your last statement that you are seeking Dr.'s for this procedure. I do know from working in an Orthotics Clinic that it is alot of rehab, whether other men say so or not. I just hope you make the right decision for you. **edited to add Freakin spelling errors!** Sympathy is between Shit and Syphillis in the dictionary What happens if you get scared half to death twice? The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Edited by - Samantha4554 on 2008-08-27 17:50:09 Edited by - Samantha4554 on 2008-08-27 17:53:41 | |
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| stdennis | Posted: 2008-08-27 18:05 | |
Forum Maniac United States 7,890 Posts | Well, the only thing I can tell you is that I had one at 28. I was sure that I didn't want children and my ex-wife had a tubal ligation as well at her choice to insure that there wasn't the slightest chance of us having children. We both talked about it at length, and even though I'm not married to her any longer, it isn't something I have ever regreted. You will find that there will be women that will reject you because you can't provide them with a child, but others will be very happy you can't. As far as the surgery, yep, your balls will swell up like a melon, at least that happened to me, but ice packs take that down quickley and you shouldn't loose more than one day's work. I did mine on a friday so didn't have to worry about that. btw, I was fucking the Mrs. on monday. | |
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| SirBring | Posted: 2008-08-27 18:46 | |
| Forum Regular United States 921 Posts | stdennis: Well, the only thing I can tell you is that I had one at 28. I was sure that I didn't want children and my ex-wife had a tubal ligation as well at her choice to insure that there wasn't the slightest chance of us having children. We both talked about it at length, and even though I'm not married to her any longer, it isn't something I have ever regreted. You will find that there will be women that will reject you because you can't provide them with a child, but others will be very happy you can't. As far as the surgery, yep, your balls will swell up like a melon, at least that happened to me, but ice packs take that down quickley and you shouldn't loose more than one day's work. I did mine on a friday so didn't have to worry about that. btw, I was fucking the Mrs. on monday. Thanks. All advice is appreciated, but I'm glad a guy chimed in. The one thing I've universaly found so far is guys recommending doing it on a Friday and having a keg's worth of ice on hand. | |
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| enduser | Posted: 2008-08-27 20:09 | |
Fun, Inc. United States 1,059 Posts | I'd err on the side of caution. I had mine *after* I had three. And of course, *then* the marriage went south and now i'm single again. I don't actively want any more, but i *like* having AUPs. The surgery itself is not so big a deal. But the reversal surgery will have you on your back for over a week.
"Just because I got the monkey off my back doesn't mean the circus left town." - Mister_Banks "the future is here. it's just not evenly distributed yet" - William Gibson | |
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| nursediane | Posted: 2008-08-27 21:43 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,380 Posts | You are 35, and not everybody wants the marriage/AUP scenario. It is good that you are honest about it. There is nothing at all wrong with not wanting to reproduce or have the golden manacles on. A urologist performs the procedure. Other people are usually more uncomfortable with the decisons of those who don't feel the need to breed. (Such as family). But this is your body and your life. Do what feels natural and right to you. | |
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| stdennis | Posted: 2008-08-27 21:58 | |
Forum Maniac United States 7,890 Posts | SirBring: stdennis: Well, the only thing I can tell you is that I had one at 28. I was sure that I didn't want children and my ex-wife had a tubal ligation as well at her choice to insure that there wasn't the slightest chance of us having children. We both talked about it at length, and even though I'm not married to her any longer, it isn't something I have ever regreted. You will find that there will be women that will reject you because you can't provide them with a child, but others will be very happy you can't. As far as the surgery, yep, your balls will swell up like a melon, at least that happened to me, but ice packs take that down quickley and you shouldn't loose more than one day's work. I did mine on a friday so didn't have to worry about that. btw, I was fucking the Mrs. on monday. Thanks. All advice is appreciated, but I'm glad a guy chimed in. The one thing I've universaly found so far is guys recommending doing it on a Friday and having a keg's worth of ice on hand. You must remember that I had it done a very long time ago and it wasn't quite as common as it is now. Mine was done very near the time you were born. I'm sure the old pliers and some fishing line aren't used anymore. Anyway, If you really don't wish to have progeny, it probably the best choice for you. As a side note, one lady that I got very close to after my divorce decided that I should have it reversed so I could give her children. Needless to say, my answer ended that relationship. | |
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| Chief | Posted: 2008-08-27 22:17 | |
Medieval Barber United States 7,424 Posts | First: don't consider a vasectomy to be reversible. It's permanent. In some cases, the "reversal" surgery is successful. But not often. Don't do it until you're convinced of your desire to permanently end your reproductive life. To find a good doctor, try the Yellow Pages under the "Urology" specialty. In many areas, urologists will do vasectomies inexpensively at reproductive care centers (abortion clinics). | |
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| Devilish_Cherry | Posted: 2008-08-28 11:03 | |
The X-Box Widow United States 521 Posts | I would also like to add that it may be very hard to find a doctor that will do it if you haven't had AUPs. My cousin tried when he was 21. They said not just no, but hell no. Not unless he had one already. He's now 25, and still can't get it done and is pissed about it. -- I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this, shit blood and cum on my hands. From the song Prison Sex by Tool I have dyslexia. Please don't make fun of me or make me feel stupid if I read something wrong or spell a word wrong. | |
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| phantas_c | Posted: 2008-08-28 16:46 | |
| Forum Slut United States 1,524 Posts | Sounds like the relationship you had with your father is still controlling the choices you make for yourself. why not see a therapist for a year and try to work through some of those issues than make the choice? That you are unsure and asking here speaks volumes. When your sure you won't feel the need to ask any one or get any ones approval, you will do it because it is the right thing to do for you. -- bren His toy Canadian made, American Owned and Operated. | |
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| pinkwind | Posted: 2008-08-28 18:10 | |
Dun quhynging! United Kingdom 10,305 Posts | There are quite a lot of folk who, for one reason or another, have chosen not to have children, and have made the decision to make that a permanent state and are perfectly happy with life. If you are not completely sure about the reasons why you want to take such a step then maybe finding a counsellor in the field might be a good option for you if you yourself are having problems sorting out which inner arguments are really nothing to do with such a final step as a vasectomy is. Only you can make that lifelong commitment to childlessness, but i do know that you will have little trouble finding a partner who also does not want children. As i say, the numbers of people deciding that this is the right step for them is growing, and rapidly. The race to procreate has, for a lot of people, lost a lot of momentum for all sorts of reasons, and not wishing to have a family is not seen as strange these days. We can all give our own opinions here, but for such a final step i would seriously urge that if you need to talk this through with others you seek more professional input too. Whatever you decide in the end, i sincerely hope it turns out to be the right decision made for the right reasons. -- pink... Master Andy's emotion... From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs. | |
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| NASHVILLEDOM | Posted: 2008-08-28 18:37 | |
Liberal Dragon Slayer United States 33,596 Posts | I would advise against it. The only thing constant in life is change. You may change your mind with the right woman or she may deem you unacceptable that you are "fixed". nd Now that I read through the thread take a look at what dennis wrote. You don't want to wind up a cranky old fart like him do you?
 Edited by - NASHVILLEDOM on 2008-08-28 18:46:30 | |
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| SirBring | Posted: 2008-08-28 19:35 | |
| Forum Regular United States 921 Posts | I appreciate all the advice. I've spoken to professionals before about stuff, but I take more stock in what people have to say here. I guess if I were to do it again, I need to look up somebody on the KAP database. I'm leaning towards doing over Thanksgiving, but I'm going to hold off trying to find a doc until October. | |
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