Bondage Forums

I have been looking for good online resources that talk about non-sexual D/s relationships, and the internet is failing me. I had a Dom a year ago with whom I was never involved sexually (sensually, yes). Our interaction lasted a few months before I had to call things off due to time constraints. I recently started negotiating and playing with a friend very new to Dom-ing, whom I'd like to continue to help discover more about BDSM and D/s through my submission. But our relationship is that of friends and so, while D/s fulfills something for both of us, I am again not including sex in my play.

I know that it is generally understood that BDSM doesn't have to be *all* about sex, but I'm having a very hard time finding anything that deals with BDSM relationships strictly *without* sex. I find a few things talking about the non-sexual sides of things, but there is always the underlying feel of "this is what you can do when you're not having sex, but we know you ARE having sex."

I'm not even sure a full site exists, so maybe someone is out there who has any suggestions? Like I said, I want to do my best, but I also want to make this as not-weird as possible despite the seeming uniqueness of the situation. Also, I'm not finding a whole lot of information on what a sub can do for a Dom who is first exploring that side of himself. Almost all info I find is about Doms teaching subs, which I guess makes a lot of sense... But still!

Anyone?

Myrrh

Edited by - myrrh31 on 2009-01-23 02:43:33

To Andalusite, it's been an on-going conversation the one about "what I get out of it". And while I have ideas on what to do, and try to offer them when I have them, I think it's more that I'm looking to just see how other people have handled these things. I'm just looking for other views and experiences that are similar. Give me ideas on how to go about things.

I also still haven't found much on subs being teachers to new Doms. This apparently also is not that talked about.

To MistressMiranda, I've been finding people not totally confused but rather that they don't get what I can see in that kind of a situation. That I'm comfortable and happy in a non-sexual D/s makes them go "...what?" Like I said, a lot of people understand not having sex involved *at times*, but no where am I finding good info on 100% non-sexual.

Good thing I'm not looking for anything more specific like places to chat with other subs who are mentoring or teaching new Doms, because then I'd be way out of luck. ^_^

Myrrh

--

sex is the most important thing for me in a BDSM relationship.
if He makes me cry, He has to makes me cum too!

if pain makes me cry, He has to makes me cum too.

Bastinado is very meditative. I tend to think coherently (though about what I'm doing) almost all of the time, but something about that specific pain makes my brain completely shut up, so I am absolutely in the moment, existing/being.

Takedowns/wrestling/sparring/playfighting tends to make me feel playful, primal, and feral. I have enough self-control to respect limits, but it does definitely bring out my agressive side.

Most kinds of play make me feel glowy/floaty/fuzzy with endorphins. I sometimes even use the same techniques to process pain if I am at the dentist or in other vanilla situations.

I have been in a couple of relationships with people who are new to BDSM. Some of the things we've done are taken classes together. Co-topping can be a good option for learning something new, but most of them didn't want me to play with others while we were dating. Asking explicitly for what I wanted at the beginning helped reassure them that I actually did want it, and helped give them a set of tools to work with. A lot of people here seem to consider that to be topping from the bottom, I think of it as reassuring them that it *is* something good/wanted, and not expecting them to read my mind or come up with ideas on their own until we've explored a bit. After oh, maybe 3 or 4 times, they usually were able to incorporate those things at their initiative, and perhaps try others.

--

It is not rare however. Most professional BDSM relationships are no-sex. I worked as a pro-sub for a while, and never had any type of sexual relations with my clients. I think you will just have to talk to people to get more info. Best of luck to you! And know that you are not alone out there.
--

It's not that people don't "understand" BDSM without sex, it's simply that BDSM can be sexually exciting -- resulting in an erection for men and wetness for women -- leaving nature to take its course.

No different from someone putting a juicy burger (or whatever food gets you salivating) in front of you, and then wanting to eat it. For most, sex is merely the natural progression after becoming excited by the BDSM.

Everyone likely fully "understand" what you seek, it's just that most simply want to do something with their horny bits after getting turned-on from some BDSM fun.

--

Quick Guitar Solo Clip
So Stop Asking Already