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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support Yes Ma'am Where to begin |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| Southern_female | Posted: 2009-05-19 12:57 | |
Forum Apprentice United States 336 Posts | I have recently started seeing this guy and everything is going great between us except i have always considered myself a submissive. He is looking for a Mistress/ Domme. I want to do this but i really have no idea how to begin. Help! | |
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| kittenish | Posted: 2009-05-19 18:17 | |
Forum Newbie United States 84 Posts | Have you wanted to top/switch? If not he might not be the one... If you want to try it make up a scene and have fun! (I'm not domme but enjoyed writing a version of one in one of my chapters, soap-opera-ishly,lol) -Some like a sexy stereotype, some more hardcore. Let him share a fantasy, see if you can picture yourself in it? K. | |
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| Baronslair | Posted: 2009-05-19 19:56 | |
Forum Maniac  United States 6,688 Posts | Southern_female: I have recently started seeing this guy and everything is going great between us except i have always considered myself a submissive. He is looking for a Mistress/ Domme. I want to do this but i really have no idea how to begin. Help! You just started seeing this guy and maybe things are great. You could also meet another guy where things would be even better. | |
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| Louloupe | Posted: 2009-05-20 06:32 | |
Forum Maniac United States 23,453 Posts | You can do anything that you put your mind too, if you want to. It's fine to give it a try. Think about something you want him to do for you. Try some roleplay with you in the dominant role. Be a good listener and learn about your guy's psychological buttons. Then press them. | |
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| BabieGothika | Posted: 2009-05-20 11:35 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,939 Posts | Southern_female: I have recently started seeing this guy and everything is going great between us except i have always considered myself a submissive. He is looking for a Mistress/ Domme. I want to do this but i really have no idea how to begin. Help!
amor_e_morte | |
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| QuietMaster47 | Posted: 2009-05-20 11:47 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 214 Posts | IF you are truly a submissive... you might be able to "pretend" you are a Domme... but you won't be. I honestly don't believe that personality traits such as "dominant" or "submissive" are learned... or chosen... I believe they are who we are. I agree that there can be times or events in one's life when a submissive can take a dominant role or a dominant can take on a submissive role, but I don't think one can just become something that they aren't. I also agree that some may be born on the fence... with neither strong dominant or submissive tendencies. The KEY is for each of us to know who and what we are. Just my thoughts... based on a pretty long life and Lifestyle experience that dates back to the early 1960s... when I was pretty young. But hey... I could be wrong... I didn't think Nixon was guilty either. | |
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| Louloupe | Posted: 2009-05-21 06:43 | |
Forum Maniac United States 23,453 Posts | "Truly" is an overused term. People are capable of being a lot more than one consistent, predictable package. | |
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| NASHVILLEDOM | Posted: 2009-05-21 07:17 | |
Liberal Dragon Slayer  United States 37,090 Posts | MistressMiranda: "Truly" is an overused term. People are capable of being a lot more than one consistent, predictable package. They may be "capable" of it but the real question is whether they want to or not and if it goes against who they are. I think the recoil against the word is unjustified. In this case I think the use of the word is right on the money. nd | |
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| Kinkypari | Posted: 2009-05-21 11:08 | |
| Forum Initiate Finland 18 Posts | Not quite sure whether i understood the question or not... Where to begin as doing things for the guy, or where to begin as setting up yourself to a new role? Since you didn't give much info, you could start just by tieing the guy helpless and tease him to make him to beg for more. Sit on his face etc once he's willing to do everything you want him to do. | |
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| DynamikEquilibrium | Posted: 2009-06-06 04:37 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,115 Posts | Don't try too hard. I got myself all turned around every time I started to try to dominate, by trying to make sure I knew what I was doing, and knew what I had planned ... Changing instead to an approach where I don't think it out much in advance, I avoid places that supply a script (like erotica or porn, or his eager emails), and when he is in my clutches I try to free myself from my head and follow my desires as they shift. Can't lose by starting with "take off your clothes" and the vocabulary from there is fairly simple: Touch this, mouth here, fingers there, now you are going to ... Staying away from toys and stuff at first helps. So it is mostly just sex that you direct. A lot of "submissive" acts can be turned dominant, like sucking cock if you do it rather ruthlessly and with the intent to wind him up into a tight ball of fire. SM 101 is a good book for an abundance of ideas. Kate “Fool! Don't you see now that I could have poisoned you a hundred times had I been able to live without you.” Cleopatra. | |
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| rascal6 | Posted: 2009-06-06 15:17 | |
| Forum Initiate United States 16 Posts | Perhaps you could see your 'domination' of him as your 'duty' to him. Might shed new perspective on the dom role and help your situation. Afterall, shouldn't the sub look to please the dom no matter what? | |
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| headslave | Posted: 2009-06-09 22:46 | |
| Forum Initiate 28 Posts | I'm naturally a submissive, which means I try to please women. On the occasions when I found that the woman I fancied was submissive, I was more than happy to switch in order to please her. I didn't announce it to them, I just took the dominant role with them. I've had some wonderful experiences doing this. The best way to learn to top is, as they say, from the bottom. Typically I would reveal in a session that I was I doing to her had been done to me before and I knew she could take it. That seemed to enhance the experience for them, and assure them that I was not being unfeeling in my domination. Visit my Mistresses Blog at www.MistressRoulette.com | |
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| Mistress_Dez | Posted: 2009-06-17 02:06 | |
Forum Regular United States 879 Posts | Teehee. Dominate him into being your dom. Example: "You better fuckin' work harder with that whip bitch or else you don't even want to know what will happen to you..." That way he will feel like he's obeying you and you will still be satisfied. You either take it all or reverse roles. If You choose to reverse roles....You better be fucking good at it. | |
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| Peppermnt | Posted: 2009-06-20 22:16 | |
Forum Regular United States 989 Posts | There are many gradations of this... one of which includes being a service top. To me this means that the sub beats on the one they love since it will bring happiness to both parties involved. Usually this is most effective in a switching environment, but I have found that I need a little centering now and then and I have my pet perform for my needs. -- True love is like ghosts, which many talk about but few ever really see. ~Lady Maia~ | |
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| Big_Dumb_Ape | Posted: 2009-06-29 23:31 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,428 Posts | <--- Switch You've been on the receiving end, providing you're not a do-me sub that was just into it for your own gratification you should know something about how everything works. All you are really doing is looking at exactly the same thing from a different perspective. Many good Tops/Doms started out as Subs or at some point have been Subs. What you are looking at doing isn't breaking new ground, it's choosing go down a new path that's already been well traveled by others. Remember the days when you first started as a sub, relive those moments again as a Dom. Try new toys, new games. Need ideas, think about things that you have experienced and reverse the roles. Obviously there will be a few differences but the general idea is sound. You'll figure out pretty quick if you can crack the whip or not. Ape Prevent global warming, become a pirate! Yargh! http://www.venganza.org/ Click Here to see my favorite movie. | |
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