Bondage Forums

Master and I lived about three hours apart. We saw each other frequently, but those times apart were still hard. He gave me a lot of direction during those times apart, and I found it very helpful, so I understand where you are coming from. If your Dom has been inconsistent about doing this, it may be that it just isn't very satisfying for him to give orders that he's not around to see carried out. Maybe you can work out some sort of a schedule for you to follow. For instance, I had to email Master at set times, and I had to keep a journal that I had to email Him every day. And whenever we were together, before we separated, we went over what my schedule would be like while we were apart. He would instruct me then. See if your Dom would be willing to do something like this. However, you're the sub. You have to be willing to accept his decision about it.

As far as wanting him to be more agressive with you, I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. You may just be dealing with his personality. Again, tell him what you feel and what you want, but you may not get what you want. Part of being the sub is letting him set the lead.

Magdalene

What he said.

My thought is you should be tediously specific too. "If I make a mistake I want you to hit me hard on the ass three or four times with a paddle such that it leaves red marks, and . . ." or whatever. Then when you have told him, shut up and accept whatever he feels like doing. If you don't, then exactly who is dominating whom becomes confusing. Even if tedious explicitness is exactly the wrong thing to do with him, if you only do it once he'll probably forgive you. I think pouting and hinting and whining over a period of time without explaining exactly what is on your mind would piss just about anyone off a lot more.

Yes you are right.

When new at bdsm, some people tend to be a little coy, a little shy about what they want. Tt the initial stages of a relationship, being very explicit about expectations can help. And I was only saying to do that once. I am not arguing with you though. Some couples have an immediate rapport and understanding of what is expected.

First of all correct is the wrong word to use.

Now to achieve what you want you may resort to the traffic signals. (lot easier then conversation which may be difficult for some)

When I am with a new one that may be or is a keeper if I think she had all she could take I ask her how do you feel. Red of cource would be enough, Yellow just right and green sock it to me. (give me some more/jack it up a notch or two)

nd

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Besides, maybe he's holding back for a reason.
He may want to surprise you one day or he may fear that if he uses his full potential of power you wouldn't be able to handle it,but that's where the "traffic signals" come in.
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If so, it may be time to request a re-evaluation. This will open up an opportunity for you to say, "I feel that when you do X, I don't get enough Y." Be sure to phrase things in a non-confrontational fashion ("I feel...," "I think...," etc.) rather than an accusatory tone ("You never...," "You always...," etc.)

Perhaps he has his reasons for taking things slow and gentle with you. It's important to talk it out, and find out those reasons--or at least find out that they exist--so you don't feel arbitrarily neglected.

Just my two cents.

- bg

My concern is my submission. I keep my eyes in front of myself and work on what is my business. This is much more fulfilling for me. And I always have something to work on. If I find myself unsatisfied with the way he does something often looking to my own self solves the issue.

And if I don't like it? Well, really? Tough shit. I'll get over it. tehehe That's what I signed up for... being his submissive.
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Ok, I think Im having a tough time communicating things to him. When Ive tried, he's either non-responsive or takes the meaning wrong.

I mean that I need more demands. I need to be controlled more. When he doesn't give me the demands that I crave, it makes me feel like he doesn't care. Shouldn't a dominant know that's important without my having to tell him? Or does it mean he really doesn't care?

He wants me to be able to communicate things well. But its all so new to me and there's many feelings going at once. It's hard to capture them all and express them with accuracy. I think its causing him to misinterpret my submission. That bothers me.

I wish there was someone I could talk to more privately about this stuff.