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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support BDSM Relationships Setting up a Master Slave relationship |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| JackBoot | Posted: 2009-06-30 14:41 | |
Forum Newbie United States 88 Posts | I read a list of topics for a local BDSM Group meeting (I was out of town and couldn't attend) that included "How to set up a Master/slave relationship." It caught my attention because I have had relationships dissolve for no apparent reason. I wondered if I may not know how to properly set up the relationship. Any advice is helpful. | |
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| _Ghost | Posted: 2009-06-30 15:19 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,850 Posts | Since relationships are so variable (yes, even M/S ones), I can't imagine a workshop being of any value. People are dynamic and so are the relationships they lead. Still, perhaps a bit more information might help us discover where things went wrong? Assuming past relationships didn't run aground of their own accord, as they can (yes, even M/S ones). -- "...by the by, this moment is so great, I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of tiny, little moments." | |
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| wanderinghere | Posted: 2009-06-30 15:51 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 211 Posts | Well, IMO every relationship, be it vanilla or a M/s or D/s, is supposed to be a mutual bond between 2 unique individuals. So it really cant be duplicated. Nor are there any "solid" rules. What works for one couple is totally wrong for another one. Each relationship has its own rules. So no, a workshop claiming to know all the answers, would probably give me a very bad case of the giggels... What could be helpfull though is to look for simularaties in previous relationships, find patterns. | |
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| Magdalene | Posted: 2009-06-30 17:34 | |
Forum Maniac United States 4,205 Posts | I don't know that there is one "right" way to set up a relationship, M/s or otherwise. My guess is that the workshop talked a lot about communication, negotiating, maybe contracts (which are of dubious value). Magdalene | |
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| ponygirl_auburn_vixen | Posted: 2009-06-30 19:15 | |
pleasure puppet Moderator  United States 3,374 Posts | OP, if you happen to find out that the workshop outline discussed anything that included the word "true" in a positive manner, be happy that you missed it. A D/s relationship is indeed like any vanilla relationship: communication, trust and respect are required of both parties to make it work. Simple to describe, yet so difficult to attain in real life. ~sigh~ | |
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| neo10 | Posted: 2009-06-30 19:54 | |
Forum Maniac United States 7,793 Posts | However, despite what has been said above there are some commonsense guidelines that might help when people are rushing into an M/s relationship. 1) Expectations 2) Life 3) Realism 4) Failsafe A few commonsense guidelines in a world where commonsense is not so common. I’m sure there are plenty more, but its late and I’m sleepy. -- I don't want power to be simply exchanged; I want to rip it from her body ~ HardTop I win, is the bottom line. It is understood from the outset ~ HardTop | |
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| BabieGothika | Posted: 2009-06-30 20:10 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,924 Posts | love each other .
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| JackBoot | Posted: 2009-07-01 06:07 | |
Forum Newbie United States 88 Posts | ponygirl_auburn_vixen: OP, if you happen to find out that the workshop outline discussed anything that included the word "true" in a positive manner, be happy that you missed it. A D/s relationship is indeed like any vanilla relationship: communication, trust and respect are required of both parties to make it work. Simple to describe, yet so difficult to attain in real life. ~sigh~ Your last comment is so true, sadly. | |
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| JackBoot | Posted: 2009-07-01 06:10 | |
Forum Newbie United States 88 Posts | BabieGothika: love each other .
I wish it were that easy and that is all it takes.
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| BabieGothika | Posted: 2009-07-01 13:52 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,924 Posts | JackBoot: BabieGothika: love each other .
I wish it were that easy and that is all it takes.
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| _Ghost | Posted: 2009-07-01 14:44 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,850 Posts | BabieGothika: it is, papi, it is, just try HA -- "...by the by, this moment is so great, I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of tiny, little moments." | |
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| Abductor | Posted: 2009-07-01 22:32 | |
Forum Maniac   United States 3,113 Posts | Beware advice from fictional characters. So when you say they dissolve for no reason, are these online only up to this point? You'll have to wade through a sea of fakes and flakes to find the ones who are actually going to materialize. If this is a real life situation, you should probably give lots more details, to help both yourself and to help others offer their views. | |
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| vegassongbird | Posted: 2009-07-02 02:52 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 238 Posts | Having a very unusual relationship requires a very unusual focus and plan for that relationship. I don't think you can get it out of a Jack Rinella paperback or a zany internet slave contract, I think you have to work it (no, I absolutely will not say 'evolve' it) from where you are right now; the way you grow into the very unusual role of marathon runner starting from being a couch potato to being the guy who takes the stairs. I'm a fixer and she's a people pleaser. Both these traits are either wonderful or exasperating, depending on which way the screw is tightened. Of course, being mega-turned on and wanting it so bad will definetly make you lurch dyslexicly at that very delicate screw. So while Little Wing and I certainly do not treat the delicious kinky fun that runs on a low buzz through most of our days as psychotherapy, we do view it as very helpfully clarifying: Who do we want to be, both singularly and together, and can some filth be inserted into that? In M/S, where we may or may not be at the lite end of that spectrum depending on how doctrinaire you are, I'm more about making sure that our mutual needs get met; she's very big on the "healing" mission. We're pulling in the same direction. A top down, censorious, and uncollaborative approach would work for us about as well as it does at the imploding banks that we recently fled. Doing the Little Wing Diaries in the Arts section this week reminded me how much I take my domly impulse from what she wants from me in the vanilla side of our relationship. The more I take care of biz, the more she "gives it up and hands it over", as she likes to say. I absolutely learned more about how to turn her into a red silk girl from reading Peter Drucker on Management then I did from The Story of O. When I'm sad, she comes to me Take anything that you want, anything. '"Little Wing" by Jimi Hendrix
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| JackBoot | Posted: 2009-07-02 07:21 | |
Forum Newbie United States 88 Posts | vegassongbird: Having a very unusual relationship requires a very unusual focus and plan for that relationship. I don't think you can get it out of a Jack Rinella paperback or a zany internet slave contract, I think you have to work it (no, I absolutely will not say 'evolve' it) from where you are right now; the way you grow into the very unusual role of marathon runner starting from being a couch potato to being the guy who takes the stairs. I'm a fixer and she's a people pleaser. Both these traits are either wonderful or exasperating, depending on which way the screw is tightened. Of course, being mega-turned on and wanting it so bad will definetly make you lurch dyslexicly at that very delicate screw. So while Little Wing and I certainly do not treat the delicious kinky fun that runs on a low buzz through most of our days as psychotherapy, we do view it as very helpfully clarifying: Who do we want to be, both singularly and together, and can some filth be inserted into that? In M/S, where we may or may not be at the lite end of that spectrum depending on how doctrinaire you are, I'm more about making sure that our mutual needs get met; she's very big on the "healing" mission. We're pulling in the same direction. A top down, censorious, and uncollaborative approach would work for us about as well as it does at the imploding banks that we recently fled. Doing the Little Wing Diaries in the Arts section this week reminded me how much I take my domly impulse from what she wants from me in the vanilla side of our relationship. The more I take care of biz, the more she "gives it up and hands it over", as she likes to say. I absolutely learned more about how to turn her into a red silk girl from reading Peter Drucker on Management then I did from The Story of O. When I'm sad, she comes to me Take anything that you want, anything. '"Little Wing" by Jimi Hendrix
Peter Drucker is a favorite of mine. Wise words from all of you. I continue to grow and develop not only in BDSM but as a person. Like a sponge I absorb your feedback, squeeze out what doesn't fit me, and let the rest color my experiences. | |
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| vegassongbird | Posted: 2009-07-02 09:11 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 238 Posts | I think the most important relationship foundation is really, really being into each other and letting that develop a bit over time. Mutual being into each other and it's broadly functional? Yeah, it may take a while to find, and it's highly unlikely you'll ever have a backlog of hot into-you's to sort and cull from, but there is no substitute for, or better thing on this earth than a good person who likes you and wants to do the work to be with you. After that, it's just down to monotonous communicating and deal-making to getting her branded, referring to herself as Slavecunt, and pretending to be basset hound. Mine dragged taking her clothes off into a five month-long tempestuous drama, but she was seriously, seriously into me and kept treating me right. Once, she walked into a pole because she was staring at me. "OK", I thought, "Finally, finally, something to work with". When I'm sad, she comes to me Take anything that you want, anything. '"Little Wing" by Jimi Hendrix
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| JackBoot | Posted: 2009-07-02 13:28 | |
Forum Newbie United States 88 Posts | vegassongbird: I think the most important relationship foundation is really, really being into each other and letting that develop a bit over time. Mutual being into each other and it's broadly functional? Yeah, it may take a while to find, and it's highly unlikely you'll ever have a backlog of hot into-you's to sort and cull from, but there is no substitute for, or better thing on this earth than a good person who likes you and wants to do the work to be with you. After that, it's just down to monotonous communicating and deal-making to getting her branded, referring to herself as Slavecunt, and pretending to be basset hound. Mine dragged taking her clothes off into a five month-long tempestuous drama, but she was seriously, seriously into me and kept treating me right. Once, she walked into a pole because she was staring at me. "OK", I thought, "Finally, finally, something to work with". When I'm sad, she comes to me Take anything that you want, anything. '"Little Wing" by Jimi Hendrix
Sounds like you captured my previous slave except that she would have been tearing your clothes off in the first 30 minutes...oops! maybe I shouldn't have said that. If she reads this, it was a compliment. | |
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