Bondage Forums

Edited to add: I think what I'm trying to say is, this person is afraid they can't deal with the psychological ramifications of it because they were abused.

Edited by - CherryBaby on 2009-07-02 18:10:01

I don't really want to share much of my past. So without digging up past uglies:

The best I can come up with is that I don't have problems because I don't have psychological hang-ups about my past.

Someone who is afraid of psychological ramifications of BDSM should probably consider their mental stability. If they find themselves equating their SO with someone that abused them, they clearly still have issues. Honestly, some aspects of BDSM might not be right for them at all if, instead of turning them on, it threatens their psychological well-being.

So if they're in therapy, they should talk it out and see about getting to a comfortable place with anything that might be interfering with their ability to kick back and enjoy their kinky leanings.

Hope that was helpful?
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Also I think if "this person" has a lot of trust in their partner which has been built up over time then anything that could become an issue, wont.

Ive never equated any of our S&M activities to anything that may have happened in the past..its just never been a issue for me...I have never been in therapy but thats only because im pretty good at self therapy and working through things on my own. Therapy works for some people though.

If "this person" sees anything as being abusive toward them then it is abuse...what is abuse to one person isnt abuse to the next..we all draw our own lines at the end of the day.
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However this is best done inside of a strong relationship. A play only partner who wants it all today is the worst person to be with.
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To give you an idea of where I'm coming from, when limper and I first met in person, I couldn't handle ANYTHING too close to my face or neck - especially my throat. Now, 2 yrs and a pair of wedding rings later (though this development came before the rings), he can often BITE my throat (though he still can't make it a rapid attack), and I sometimes even crave it, when we play. Not always on either count - but even on the (now rare) occasions when I can't go there, he has learned to read me well enough to prevent it from turning to panic for me. To us, that is HUGE progress, compared to barely being able to even kiss the side of my neck, slowly and in a 'vanilla' manner.

Trust is the first key - patience is the next.

its tricky.

i dont want to go into uglies either, but i was date raped once and when a D i was seeing some time past suggested raping me anyway i went into uber-freak.

im still not sure i could do that role play even now, and ive grown a great deal in the last couple of years from meeting up with some amazingly sensitive and understanding D's. some areas are no-go absolutely and you need to respect them.

other areas can be approached carefully and sensitively, its all about knowing and understanding youre partner and building up their confidence slowly.

remember that a little can go a long way, so keep it fun and funky and mixed in with some loving and cuddling and lots of reassurance.

Same here only it was with oral sex preformed on a man. At first it was a hard limit I didnt want to do EVER. I've been with Master a year and half now and slowly and surely and with a LOT OF TRUST I'm able to give him a pretty decent blowjob (though he say's they're beyond) but the main thing is I trust him and he knows when and where to stop if I start to feel uncomfortable. And now he's teaching me how to deep throat him
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