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| chicory | Posted: 2009-07-02 21:38 | |
Forum Initiate United States 20 Posts | we talk and talk swing in circles ever-growing mouths moving, minds numbing i am your moon, round and white i question people; is this really me? you draw me closer to your center | |
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| Alcyoneus | Posted: 2009-07-03 02:02 | |
Forum Maniac United States 13,190 Posts | This is very good. The metaphor actually is integral to the poem rather than being incidental or contrived. The phasing has a logic to it, reflect the qualities of sound as well as meaning. The structure has a symmetry. I hope you post more in the future. | |
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| chicory | Posted: 2009-07-03 08:01 | |
Forum Initiate United States 20 Posts | Thank you very much. I really enjoy your writing a lot, so your comments mean even more to me. Last night was my first attempt in a while at just opening a window and writing whatever came out. I know it needs to be edited but sometimes I like to just freewrite. I'm a bit surprised this was so well received, frankly... and thank you again! | |
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| deep_seeded | Posted: 2009-07-03 12:52 | |
Forum Initiate  United States 16 Posts | Reading this, I feel present and a part of the experience. Thanks twistygirl. I like that a lot. | |
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| chicory | Posted: 2009-07-03 13:35 | |
Forum Initiate United States 20 Posts | Thank you, deep_seeded. I am pleasantly surprised. I am trying to be less self-conscious about what I write, and since no one here knows me, it's a bit easier to do that. | |
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| bunnylust | Posted: 2009-07-03 21:46 | |
Forum Apprentice United States 256 Posts | Chicory, This was great! I like how there were all these little tales into one small little space, that all were metaphors of eachother, then tied up all together in the ending. COOOOOL! Free writing is so much better than contrived i think - we never really know what we are saying until after we are done, and then still sometimes it takes a while to see. I wouldn't edit it, but its not mine to say. Thank you for sharing. Bunny The objective: to transcend our own individual limiting beliefs; to stand in all our bare beauty....without the pretenses of playing pieces | |
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| just_an_id | Posted: 2009-07-04 11:48 | |
| Forum Initiate 22 Posts | love the entry | |
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| limerick12 | Posted: 2009-07-04 19:51 | |
| Forum Initiate United States 6 Posts | Welll done. I free write as often as I can. I may edit it later but try to avoid over doing it. I enjoyed the imagery. I liked the coherence. Well done . limerick12 | |
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| chicory | Posted: 2009-07-06 06:28 | |
Forum Initiate United States 20 Posts | bunnylust... really glad you got the metaphors. For me, they developed as I wrote and I wasn't really thinking about anything except, well... my guy and me. I see a couple of things that I might change, but I generally almost never go back to edit. Thanks again for your comments. just_an_id... thank you for commenting on this! limerick12... I think freewriting should be mandatory in most english and writing classes. I should personally do it much more often. Freeing, isn't it? | |
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