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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support BDSM Relationships He's -too- nice |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| questioning_1 | Posted: 2010-02-02 08:34 | |
| Forum Initiate - unknown - 5 Posts | First, let me apologize for being anonymous, but I didn't want what you know of me to bias your opinions. My husband/master and I have been together for 15 years, and we have a very strong relationship on the vanilla side. On the D/s side, we have a much more "friendly player" than TPE relationship. He uses words like "would you like me to..." and "what do you want me to do next?" and if I don't want to do something, I just say I don't feel like it and he drops the whole thing and comes and gives me a back rub. This makes for a perfect vanilla relationship, but a very weak D/s relationship. I've asked him to be stricter with me, but he says he loves me too much to lecture or order me around. He still beats me, but only if I ask for it, and if I cry or squeal he stops and comforts me. I love him dearly, he is my life, but I find myself unfulfilled. We've talked a little about him sharing me with another master, but haven't come to a clear agreement about it. For now, I go on MiRC(which he allows) and find the meanest bastard I can. I don't send pics or do cam or even give my location. I just really want to be lectured and controlled. What are your opinions? | |
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| master_fritz | Posted: 2010-02-02 08:49 | |
Forum Apprentice   United States 474 Posts | http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVUthuJDo7c Part one, not part two. | |
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| aslandia | Posted: 2010-02-02 08:50 | |
Life Is Music United States 8,133 Posts | I too have a mild mannered man. We've been together for 7 years and it's taken a lot of understanding and some relinquishing of what I THOUGHT I wanted. Because to me being his submissive means being whatever it is that he wants or needs. And accepting him for what he is. Over time, as I express my needs a little at a time, he has learned to be most of what I personally need. Some things he couldn't do but considering the effort he takes in so many other areas it was quite easy for me to let those things go. It's not all about me or my needs. We had to find a way to meet in the middle (or wherever that line may be). One of the things we still do on occasion is present ideas... actually talk out a scenario. Also, if I'm feeling I need him to be a bit harsher or harder on me it's VERY important to let him know I LIKE IT. Otherwise he too would be stopping to comfort me. Since I'm disabled we have a safe word ('red' works great) and now he knows that unless I safeword out my 'nos' and 'don'ts' and screams are where I want to be. It took a while for him to understand and believe this but the work was worth the result... I get all I need from him AND he ENJOYS IT! Go figure. Never say a pacifist can't be sadistic. tehe Hopefully you can find something here to help you. I wish you the best. | |
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| Count_Orlok | Posted: 2010-02-02 10:23 | |
Fuck This United States 108 Posts | I don’t understand how a man who knows you and loves you can fail to comprehend what turns you on, and how to work it. Especially given how much goddamn fun it is to be dominant. Maybe you could corrupt him with some darker porn, get the imagination going. There’s gotta be some way to get the beast out of the cage…no man on Earth is 100% roses and buttercups. | |
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| killer_dom | Posted: 2010-02-02 11:31 | |
TEOTWAWKI United States 548 Posts | Course you could show him some very mild Dolcett and Farrel pics. By mild, I mean most of their stuff is extreme bdsm. Stuff, I hope none of us have practiced. So their mild would be whips, chains, blood letting and severe bondage. I'm not going into detail about some of the other stuff they have written or drawn about. KD | |
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| Cliffe | Posted: 2010-02-02 13:59 | |
Forum Apprentice United Kingdom 375 Posts | Just a thought but maybe you could try and find a Domme? Would be more acceptable to your guy maybe and would encourage him to join in and learn Life should be Fun | |
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| Emerald_Guardian | Posted: 2010-02-02 16:54 | |
Forum Apprentice Canada 166 Posts | Just an idea... Go on MiRC, and have him sit with you while you're online. You can be as nasty and dirty as you want, and he'll have the opportunity to see that side of you in play with a much reduced threat to his ego than if him watching you scene IRL. The Domme idea's one that I think is pretty good too. I've never seen an animal that felt sorry for itself. A sparrow, Can fall from a tree, Frozen dead, Without once having felt sorry for itself. | |
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| Pixiegurly | Posted: 2010-02-02 18:55 | |
Forum Apprentice United States 462 Posts | Maybe a little role reversal? It seems as though you can't explain to him that you like being hurt in a manner in which he can truly comprehend. Perhaps showing him will help him understand the appeal and be more willing to hurt you. Although the Domme idea does seem relatively ideal if your guy is cool with it. | |
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| sinbad069 | Posted: 2010-02-02 19:45 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 164 Posts | Count_Orlok: I don’t understand how a man who knows you and loves you can fail to comprehend what turns you on, and how to work it. Especially given how much goddamn fun it is to be dominant. Maybe you could corrupt him with some darker porn, get the imagination going. There’s gotta be some way to get the beast out of the cage…no man on Earth is 100% roses and buttercups.
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| CaethesEi | Posted: 2010-02-02 20:48 | |
Forum Maniac United States 2,911 Posts | Count_Orlok: I don’t understand how a man who knows you and loves you can fail to comprehend what turns you on, and how to work it. Especially given how much goddamn fun it is to be dominant. Maybe you could corrupt him with some darker porn, get the imagination going. There’s gotta be some way to get the beast out of the cage…no man on Earth is 100% roses and buttercups. And men and flowers don't go together, why? You must be a hoot on Valentine's Day. | |
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| Zeut | Posted: 2010-02-03 05:00 | |
Forum Initiate United Kingdom 2 Posts | You say one of the main problems is that he won't do anything unless you ask him to? Have you tried writing a erotic story that you two could play out? That way you are telling him/giving him permission to do things but in a way that won't spoil the moment. Also keep reassuring him that you love him ordering you around, beating you, dominating you, etc, and as long as you don't use your safe word, all your crys and screams are really crys of pleasure. I've been with my SO for nearly 11 years (married 11 months) and he is a 'nice' guy. He really doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body, but I think over the years he has learnt how much I enjoy being dominated and his mind set has changed from not wanting to do something that would hurt me, to wanting to hurt me because I love it and he loves me. | |
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| aslandia | Posted: 2010-02-03 06:18 | |
Life Is Music United States 8,133 Posts | sinbad069: Hey, " Count Orlok," God's last name is NOT 'damn,".... Since it seems difficult for you to understand I can spell it out for you... he used a curse word. Why does it matter to you? CaethesEi: And men and flowers don't go together, why? You must be a hoot on Valentine's Day. Pretty sure his comment did not say men and flowers don't go together, hence the "100%". And what does HIS Valentine's day have to do with anything? What's up with the personal attacks? Sheesh. (I'm not a mod and I don't play one on TV, this is just my personal observations.) | |
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| _mouse_ | Posted: 2010-02-03 06:33 | |
Forum Maniac 11,799 Posts | sinbad069: Count_Orlok: I don’t understand how a man who knows you and loves you can fail to comprehend what turns you on, and how to work it. Especially given how much goddamn fun it is to be dominant. Maybe you could corrupt him with some darker porn, get the imagination going. There’s gotta be some way to get the beast out of the cage…no man on Earth is 100% roses and buttercups.
How you know this? With a heavy dose of fear and violence, and a lot of money for projects, I think we can convince these people that we are here to help them. You are a giant carp devouring bottom dwelling rodent: Love, Flores there's nothing you can do to discourage the plauge: nightwhip | |
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| pensive | Posted: 2010-02-03 07:16 | |
Forum Maniac United States 5,860 Posts | are you satisfied with the MIRC'd meanest bastard you have found so far? i think, despite the husbands low-Dom nature, SO... what i suggest is.... have him watch/read i'd let him evaluate what the heck you really want by the way, a comment to your man. | |
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| wiseone959l | Posted: 2010-02-03 07:58 | |
Spankings are good! United States 21 Posts | Before you add anyone to this I think you should have a long serious talk about your feelings and what your needs are. The man loves you and deep down he's afraid of hurting you. You've gotten him past the first step of getting him to play. Now, teach him what you need. Show him it's ok to do the things you want. You take control of a session, telling him at the start that you won't allow him to stop until you've received the status of pain/pleasure you desire. I remember my very first time involved with pain. She was begging to stop, crying in pain. I was ready to end it because I was afraid of her being hurt. Yet, I never heard the safe word. I'm glad I went on, it taught me the pleasures of pain and the amazing results that can be had. You just need to teach him. Good luck. | |
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| Patronus_mouse | Posted: 2010-02-03 09:10 | |
Forum Maniac United States 3,526 Posts | sinbad069: *cough*crackhead*cough
I DO think you're hilarious! | |
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