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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support Support, Help, & Advice Too much pain? |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| Terkg | Posted: 2010-02-07 20:28 | |
| Forum Initiate - unknown - 3 Posts | My mistress... Well she enjoys causing pain. I'm not masochistic, but I want to make her happy... At one point I couldn't take any more, but the pain was too great; it was preventing me from remembering the safeword... I ended up passing out (thank God). We talked about it afterward, but what I'm asking is; has this ever happened to anyone else? Edited by - Terkg on 2010-02-07 20:29:37 | |
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| BurntKitty | Posted: 2010-02-07 20:39 | |
God's Ass Muncher  United States 20,918 Posts | Safe words are over rated. They aren't the be all & end all of BDSM. Try simple communication with your dominant. When the pain is too much let him(her) know it. Speak up. -- Pain:The ultimate in intimacy. | |
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| Dr_M_E_Pain | Posted: 2010-02-08 18:21 | |
Sadistic. United States 2,808 Posts | I agree with BK here. Safe words almost disappear completely in steady relationships. In any event it is up to the Top to keep a close eye on how the bottom is doing, and to check in with the bottom from time to time to be certain they are doing ok. This is especially true when you first start playing with someone, but the need never really goes away. It is also equally incumbent on the bottom to let the Top know how they are doing, during the session and afterward. You have some talking to do, and it's not to us. -- About fucking time I changed this. | |
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| DrInTheHouse | Posted: 2010-02-08 19:51 | |
569.42 Moderator  United States 2,697 Posts | Stop now, usually also works. And if it doesn't, there are people in blue uniforms who can help you. | |
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| destinynh | Posted: 2010-02-08 20:07 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,415 Posts | Terkg: has this ever happened to anyone else? Edited by - Terkg on 2010-02-07 20:29:37 Uhmm, Simply put, no it hasn't. Although i tend to go off in my own little world with pain being inflicted, i am also a masochist. So the trust to me is important, and communication prior, during and afterwards has always been a key issue with me, if i don't feel it is being met i will have a hard time with that person, and end up walking away from it all. Trust is feeling totally safe and secure while knowing you're totally vulnerable | |
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| Mr_Hand | Posted: 2010-02-08 20:10 | |
Forum Maniac 8,537 Posts | Terkg: My mistress... Well she enjoys causing pain. I'm not masochistic, but I want to make her happy... At one point I couldn't take any more, but the pain was too great; it was preventing me from remembering the safeword... I ended up passing out (thank God). We talked about it afterward, but what I'm asking is; has this ever happened to anyone else? No. I don't like pain. -- "I want your psycho, your vertigo schtick - want you in my rear window, baby you're sick I want your love, love, love love - I want your love." - Lady Gaga | |
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| wanderingcelt | Posted: 2010-02-09 01:57 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 377 Posts | The approach you are using is not working for you. Try a new approach. When someone is transported by whatever means to a non-verbal place, you need another means to communicate. Without a WORKABLE means to communicate withdrawal of consent, it is no longer clear if consent is present. It might be different if you and she understood that you entered into a transport of bliss and that it was all good. Effectively, you were wearing a gag. It just happened to be a gag made of pain, rather than one made of rubber or cloth. How will you and she communicate when you wear a gag? | |
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| pensive | Posted: 2010-02-09 04:50 | |
Forum Maniac United States 5,860 Posts | there are other options. such as you holding onto something during play and drop it or open your hand(s) if you get too far along. | |
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| pensive | Posted: 2010-02-09 04:51 | |
Forum Maniac United States 5,860 Posts | another comment.... you said your mistress is sadistic and you are not maso... will you two get along on a long term basis with what seems a mismatch? | |
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| Stainless_Steel | Posted: 2010-02-09 06:10 | |
Forum Slut Canada 1,381 Posts | DrInTheHouse: Stop now, usually also works. And if it doesn't, there are people in blue uniforms who can help you. You definately missed the aim of this post: as I (and others here) read it, it is about a breakdown in communications when the safeword is forgotten during the intensity of play. While there is probably a need for a better means of communication during play as well as a bit more awareness of the submissives condition during play, it has nothing to do with someone refusing to comply with safewords. This is not about assault or refusing to comply with "STOP". Why would you even introduce the aspect of "people in blue uniforms"? "There is a season For making fire... There are days For lighting a flame" | |
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| _heather | Posted: 2010-02-09 12:50 | |
slidkrans Moderator United States 37,860 Posts | Mr_Hand: Terkg: My mistress... Well she enjoys causing pain. I'm not masochistic, but I want to make her happy... At one point I couldn't take any more, but the pain was too great; it was preventing me from remembering the safeword... I ended up passing out (thank God). We talked about it afterward, but what I'm asking is; has this ever happened to anyone else? No. I don't like pain. Sure you do, you post in politics. To the OP: I'd suggest that your top might want to keep a closer eye on you. Unless you've negotiated or agreed to pain-to-the-point-of-passing-out, something sounds odd.
"Drop your weapons! You are surrounded by armed bastards!!" - Gene Hunt, Life on Mars "How hard can it be?" ~ The guys from Top Gear | |
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| paris_sub | Posted: 2010-02-09 20:04 | |
Elegance&Perversion Moderator  United States 1,221 Posts | Unlike you, i am a masochist. But i have had tops who did not know the signs of subspace for me and mistake it for something else. When i get spacey, i lose the ability to talk and form words. i can hear the person if they speak but i can't answer. Once, i had a top think that i was being disobedient in not answering him and he took to swatting me even harder, causing some misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Since then, any time i play with someone new i warn them of this and also how i get when i'm about to check out and take a little walk in space. You need to be aware of how you react. For me, i get cold, sometimes my teeth chatter (whether i am cold or not), fingernail beds get bluish, i go limp, don't react to heavy duty hits, etc...More experienced tops will know this but i feel it's up to me to know myself and tell them, just in case. i'll even say things like "getting spacey here" or something similar. If you can convey to her how you react physically and ask her to monitor you more closely, play time might turn out better. She needs to check in with you more often, talk to you, feel your body, gauge your reactions. You both have a responsibility here in protecting your well being. "i'm curious, i want to know and try everything. i want my brain, as well as all my holes, filled." - me, in a recent IM moment of profound enlightenment "This is not a dress rehearsal" - my mom | |
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| Terkg | Posted: 2010-02-10 05:29 | |
| Forum Initiate - unknown - 3 Posts | I think I didn't explain very well. By "not masochistic" I mean that I do not enjoy pain; indeed, I do not. However, I am neutral towards it on the while (this is hard to explain). It's a case of that I wouldn't do it on my own, but I'm willing to for her. If that makes sense... Thanks for all of the quick replies, everyone. | |
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| MissBent | Posted: 2010-02-14 00:17 | |
Forum Regular United States 904 Posts | you can try the old trick of holding a ball or some item in your hand and letting go when enough was enough -- some type of physical sign that she might more readily notice. in this case, you would have dropped whatever when you passed out so would surely have gotten her to notice but hopefully you could've dropped it of your own volition earlier on to get her attention as well.... that's lovely of you to give her that though -- accepting pain when you have no personal enjoyment out of it other than doing it for her... -- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Oscar Wilde If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him. Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) --Life is good Edited by - MissBent on 2010-02-14 00:19:03 | |
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. This was just the first time I hadn't been able to communicate "stop", so she hadn't known something was wrong. Apparently my body did, since t shut down. Hah.