Bondage Forums

Here's the situation. My last post was that my husband/dom wasn't as into BDSM as I was, and I was looking for ways to change that. The responses I got helped immensely and all was better. In the last couple of weeks, my husband has met a man online who had seen my picture and asked if my husband ever shared me. He told the person that we had talked about it, but hadn't come to a clear conclusion. He and I have given it a lot of thought, and talked about it, and it seems like something we'd be interested in doing. I have chatted with the other dom online, and he's been nothing but polite, respectful and really fun to talk to, someone I'd be friends with if nothing else. So we agreed to meet for lunch, just to talk, get to know everyone, no expectations. So, it's all cool, right? No. Ever since we made plans, my eating disorder(too much drama, won't go into it) has gone haywire. It seems to be getting worse every day.

Here's the thing. When I was(younger) I was in an abusive relationship where I was treated like an object, not useful for anything but other people's needs, no free will, no voice of my own. When my husband and I talked more about this yesterday, he mentioned that I had talked about what I would be expected to do for the other people, but not about what I needed/wanted from this meeting. Then he said, "You know, you're not going to be a party favor, this is for you too." This triggered feelings from the past, and I have been thinking ever since that maybe I am not ready for this after all my talk to the contrary. Everyone involved is very much wanting me to be comfortable and ok with this, and I thought I was. Is my eating disorder out of control because I am not ready, or am I just emotional because this is something I've never done before(consentually). Any thoughts would be helpful.

Rethink your decision, after all you are the one who has control over YOU!
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I'm not sure I can explain it without violating the aup, oddly enough. The aup states that any person under 18 cannot be talked about on this site, so when someone wants to post about a person that fits that label, sometimes they call that person an aup.

Baronslair:
This is like watching "The Real Housewives From Orange County" on The Bravo Channel.
You need to solve past vanilla issues and get a firmer more realistic
look at life as it actually is,not as you fantasize it and hope it just eventually all works out.Get rid of the people whom are destructive forces in your life and make a viable plan that you will stick with.
The Baron

I totally agree, and thank you for your opinion. I really did think I had worked through all these issues, you know, therapy and "i love me" self help books. I seriously am a grown up here, and confused as to why I can't make a decision like one.

I am wondering if what I am dealing with is the same kind of thing you'd be feeling if you planned on skydiving for the first time - excitement, trepidation, maybe you were afraid of heights, all that crap. I don't have low self esteem or some fear of being happy. Performance anxiety maybe?

Just relax. Always keep to a sober, emotional center in every step you take. Eventually, things will find their correct place.
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why not back off the intended play dates,
meetings, and whatnot, and see how your
'disorder' goes?

i do have a question;
why do you want to be shared?
can you answer that one?

Edited by - pensive on 2010-02-09 06:08:03

Your eating disorder is out of control because this situation is very disturbing to you.

If you can, I suggest you document/journal everything you eat, the time you ate it, and your feelings while you ate.

If you are starving yourself because your world feels out of control and this is your only way to attain control over something, you also need to pay strict attention to what is going on.

Are you in counseling for eating disorder-related issues? If you are not, you probably should start thinking about it.

As a former sufferer of said disorders, I had to look into this for many many years and realize the things that were causing me to go into strange eating patterns and behaviors.

You may also want to postpone this threesome thing until you get a better hold on why it's upsetting you.

Good luck. That's the toughest addiction to kick, IMHO.

You are not ready and you should know that. This experience should be fun and pleasant for all of you, but your are feeling physically ill, so that says volumns, don't you think??

I had a bad experience early on when I was looking for a Master and it was such a bad experience I am still to this day frightened about trusting anyone again. I know it's wrong to fear everyone, but it's a fear that is deep seeded and only I will know when I will be ready for another BDSM relationship.

Listen to your own self, you know yourself better than anyone else.