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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support BDSM Relationships I can't hide anything from her. |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| Shifty | Posted: 2004-05-25 14:52 | |
| Forum Apprentice 474 Posts | At 11:00 last night, my cell phone rang. Over. And over.. And over. And it continued to ring until 11:36:23 when I finally powered it off. Yep, it was mother. Calling to discuss *this* just like she mentioned earlier. No way. So off it went. Until I got home early this afternoon from work. That's when I powered it back up, and got greeted by -count them- 27 SMS messages and 6 voice mails. All from dear ole ma. I called her. And I could hear it coming as the digital airwaves started decoding the signal. Mom - I talked to Amy today young man! I can't believe what I was hearing! (The rest of her statement turned into the sound of a squawking parrot as my ears pounded with blood pulses.) Me - Hi mom. Look, let's not talk about this ok? Could we just rationalize and realize that I'm a grown man, you're a grown woman, and there is no need to rehash my relationships with girlfriends from highschool? Mom - You're not talking to one of your uppity business clients mister! This is your *mother* talking! Don't you take that tone with me! (I swear, a decade ago she would have been PROUD I could be so professional sounding. What the hell happened?!) Me - I'm sorry mom, I just don't think we need to worry about Amy. I'm sure she's fine, probably a nun by now. Tell her hello from me. Mom - Tell her hello? TELL HER HELLO?! I WOULD, but she left the store 5 minutes ago! (I cannot describe the pitch her voice was at, other than to say dog whistles sound like a deep tenor comparatively.) Me - Oh? (Pause, smiling, pausing, pausing, pausing) Mom - Well? Did you ever thing you might be the one who RUINED this young lady? (Yes, it is clear that she thinks I'm Satan at this moment.) Me - Oh don't be silly, mother. She's a wonderful woman I'm sure. I guess the convent didn't work out huh? (Oh my fuckin' god. I just HAD to say that, didn't I. American Mensa is NOT going to think well of me for being so fuckin' stupid.) Mom - I've had enough of that, young man! You better hope she didn't remember me because if I get a phone call from her mother I'm going to DIE! Me - Yes mother. Mom - MwahMwahmuamwamwamwa (At least two more minutes of this, and all I could think of was the teacher in the Charlie Brown Cartoons.) Me - Mom, do you need any more advice? I don't mind answering questions for you IF I know the answer, but- (Couldn't even finish) Mom - Don't give me that nonsense mister! I KNOW you've been being bad! I bet you know all of this kinky stuff! If your father were here to see this he'd (Guilt trip arrives. More Charlie Brown Teacher Voice) Me - Mom, you work there now. Try to just take it in stride. I never do anything to or with a person that I don't care about and like very much. Most people are the same way. Your store lets people enjoy themselves in private, and everyone should be able to do that. Ok? Mom - HOW CAN A WOMAN ENJOY SOMETHING THAT BIG STICKING IN HER BOTTOM! (I can only imagine what she was staring at.) And another thing! I threw your kinky slappy stick away! You forgot to pack it and I don't want that stuff in MY house! Do you understand me! Me - Mom, you're joking. Right? Please tell me you're not this freaked out over a silly sex toy. It's not that bad is it? Mom - Oh of course not. Your father and I had a lot of fun when you kids were young. One time we went on a campi- Me - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! NO NO NO NO! Mom - I still want to talk about this whole situation with you when you come and get your dogs. Bye, rotten kid (She's laughing. That bish is actually LAUGHING!) Me - I'm going to get even with you for this mom. I promise. (click)
I kid you not, I'm probably going to be the first "son" in history to demonstrate the use of a gag on his own mother if she doesn't knock this shit off. This is child abuse or something, I'm sure of it. -- - It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer. | |
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| PhantomDude451 | Posted: 2004-05-25 14:57 | |
Forum Slut  United States 1,449 Posts | LOL! Great story telling! I can totally hear the rising tone of your mother's voice! All I have to say is better you than me! Keep us up to date.  Edited by - PhantomDude451 on 2004-05-25 14:55:06 | |
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| Adba | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:10 | |
| Forum Maniac United States 2,358 Posts | Poor shifty walks off chuckling and shaking her head -- __________ jeunesse "Control is his fetish and my addiction." http://www.geocities.com/theslavewithin/ Disclaimer: I can't spell I'm too little | |
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| girlThang | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:13 | |
Forum Maniac United States 3,226 Posts | Dude, I swear it. I thought Margaret Cho's mama was funny... You are killin me here. I had to close my office door. Damn, Shifty...wow. *tips hat and goes off to read it AGAIN* -- Suffering transcends; suffering for someone else exalts. | |
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| FelineFemme | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:15 | |
AKA kytten United States 6,185 Posts | aw hehe good luck hehe -- ~Kytten~ "The dominant should possess at least the same level of personal integrity that he expects from his slave." ~ Christina Abernathy, Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual (Greenery, 1998) / | |
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| Deadeye | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:21 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,830 Posts | This is awesome dude. Best post I've seen in months. Ya know you just have to tell her, "It's really not that bad being Satan once in awhile, you should know evil woman!" | |
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| Mica | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:22 | |
| Forum Newbie 87 Posts | LMAO, sounds like my mom! Now I must clean my computer monitor, eating and reading that post do not go well together. | |
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| JustChris | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:23 | |
| Forum Maniac 2,075 Posts | *tears streaming down my face from laughter* -- Chris There are those who believe that to be a masochist and a dominant are mutually exclusive. I say that to be a dominant, it's almost necessary to be a masochist. "waking up is no way to start the day" -- sbmssv2 | |
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| wee | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:28 | |
Forum Regular - unknown - 587 Posts | LOL.. she sounds exactly like my Mom. -- | |
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| StillTempest | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:29 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,184 Posts | This was well worth the price of admission! Can't wait for the sequel. Best read all week! Two thumbs waaaaaaaaay up! | |
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| lyne | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:29 | |
Forum Maniac Canada 2,960 Posts | And I thought my mom was nosy lyne
Etre torchon. Ne pas se mélanger avec les serviettes. -- Jean Cocteau | |
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| Borgia | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:31 | |
Forum Maniac United States 4,397 Posts | Tell her: "Mom, look at your own behavior. Where the hell do you think I learned to be a sadist and inflict punishment on people?" Very funny. Borgia
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| little_harlott | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:37 | |
| Forum Slut United States 1,084 Posts | hilarious post! thanks for sharing!!  and yet another reason to keep my mother wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy in the dark! her being the world's most uptight prude to ever walk it... LOL | |
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| eday_2010 | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:37 | |
| Forum Apprentice Canada 144 Posts | Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Brian | |
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| enslaved_spirit | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:46 | |
| forum maniac United States 3,367 Posts | OMG! If I can stop laughing long enough I might be able to type here!!! Yes, I think Mom's are born with testosterone!!! giggling.. this sounds so much like MY Mom sometimes!!! Mom's..gotta love them, I mean, what else are ya' gonna do, right? Spirit *Live in the moment, for each one is precious and not to be squandered* | |
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| movingon2008 | Posted: 2004-05-25 15:48 | |
Forum Maniac United States 3,374 Posts | I needed that laugh so much today! Thanks! bel -- | |
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