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 All Forums BDSM Talk and Support BDSM Relationships I almost made it. |  Login to Reply New Topic |  Printer Friendly |
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| Shifty | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:24 | |
| Forum Apprentice 474 Posts | Today was busy. Lots of work, lots of everything. Lots of relief at not having to talk with my mother too. I was a happy, blissful soul. .Until lunch. Receptionist- Mr. ShiFty, you have a call on line three. Me - Take a message please, I'm swamped. Receptionist- She said to tell you it's your mother, sir. Me - Tell her I don't work here anymore. Receptionist - She said she knew you would say that, and to pick up the phone sir. Me - Thank you, vanxxx. You can pack your shit and pick up your check now. Receptionist - Thank you sir. (She's always professional. No matter what. And no, she's not fired.) Me - Hi mom. I'm working. Hint Hint. You ok? Mom - DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DOG DID LAST NIGHT? (I've never taken someone off the speakerphone this fast in my life.) Me - He made popcorn and pudding for everyone? Mom - NO! He keeps trying to hump me when I take him fresh water in the yard! I read one of those dirty books today and it said that people like to use their animals for things and stuff! Me - Things AND stuff huh? I think you're over reacting. (Humping? Maybe there IS hope for him!!) Mom - You better not be. I don't want him latching on to your Uncle Melvin or his wife on Saturday! She has a trick knee! (I couldn't get that lucky.) Me - Couldn't we just pretend this never happened? Please? I'll be good. I'll eat all my vegetables. (That ALWAYS used to work.) Me - Because I do. So do my partners mom. It's just part of life. Mom - Partners? What do you MEAN partnerSSSSS!! (I would like to shoot whoever invented plurals at this point.) Me - That's not what I mean mom. I don't have any partners right now ok? Mom - I just can't imagine someone wanting a sex swing! I sold 6 of them already this morning because they're on sale! No wonder you don't have any partners, they're all here buying swings and toys and those, those- Beeeaaaadddss! (I swear the earpiece on the phone actually crinkled into the face she was making when she said that.) Me - Mom, I can't be a therapist for you. Just ask your customers why they like the stuff and have some fun with it. Maybe a great looking guy will come in and you can ask him. (And PLEASE bug HIM about all this stuff, not me.) Mom - I can't. Me - Yes you can. You just won't. Are the swings cheap now? Mom- I can't. And I will NOT buy you one! (Damn!) Me- Yes y- Mom - No I can't! Me - Then quit. (Please. Please please. No more. Please.) Mom - No. And F.Y.I. there are no good looking men who come in here. Except one. (Pause. She's either blushing or dead. That's the only time she's EVER quiet.) Me - Oh? Did you sell him something nice? (Go mom! ) Mom - What's that supposed to mean? You NEVER used to talk to me like this! Me - You never used to work in a porno store, mom. This could give me a scarred childhood. Or a cheap sex swing, whichever. Mom - That's not what I mean! I'm still your mother! I'm very uncomfortable talking about this swinger stuff you know! (Now I feel bad. She got me with that one.) Me - I'm still your son and I love you. And I'm not a swinger. Swingers swap partne- Mom - I will cut you out of my will !! I'm warning you! Me - Please. No. You promised I'd get the Tupperware. Mom - I told your younger brother about you and my new job. Do you KNOW WHAT HE SAID? Me - What did he say? (Oh, the joy. Glad I don't keep a diary she could get a hold of.) Mom - He said "Right on." Me - Oh. (Heh. I bet everyone in our hometown knows mom works at a porno shop now.) Mom - Well?????? Me - Uh. Right on. Mom - (Sigh from hell) I have to go. You better hope your brother doesn't get any funny ideas. Me - He's 25, mom. I'm pretty sure he has plenty already. Besides, you told him, not me. (Ha ha! Take that!) Mom - I'm never calling you again! Me - Promise? Mom - Bye, rotten kid. Me- I'm not a kid anymo- Mom - (click) -- - It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer. | |
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| elena_Ki | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:29 | |
| Forum Slut United States 1,052 Posts | these posts really make me laugh, you win for a) remembering conversations verbatim so well b) having a funny ass mom yay you! -- Kiaban's little slut lena | |
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| dancerkt | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:38 | |
Dirty Little Princess United States 2,440 Posts | Was it right about then you lost your appetite? Thanks for another (always welcome) laugh. -- Katt "To be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain." ~Leo Buscaglia "Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love." ~Albert Einstein | |
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| ubrut_2 | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:44 | |
Forum Slut United States 1,510 Posts | Too funny.... -- "Online vs. real life...Strange isn't it? Boring at best... Annoying at the end of the day"....Ubrut Lifes too short for restrictions... | |
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| SereneAngel | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:46 | |
Queen of Angels United States 3,910 Posts | Thanks for the chuckles...keep them coming, if not for your own venting pleasure then for our reading pleasure, whichever works best for you please!  Brandi -- ***Accept the challenges so you may feel the exhillaration of Victory***-anonymous ***I'm an angel, I never said what kind!*** by: Me Queen of the Angels | |
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| SadieJ | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:47 | |
Forum Apprentice United States 105 Posts | So, the swings are on sale? With her employee discount you could really get one CHEAP! Buy it as a gift for yourself. You deserve it, Shifty. BTW, I think your Mom and mine are sisters. When the Janet Jackson/nipple shield thing happened I had to explain it to her. Eventually, the conversations wound up with me trying to shock her into shutting up. I brought up PAs and threatened to email pictures to her. It worked. | |
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| newflowers | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:47 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 112 Posts | I love it - this is so funny - i hope that your mother calls everyday so that you can keep us updated.:) newflowers | |
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| Hurt_ME_Please | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:47 | |
| Forum Initiate United States 42 Posts | That was great!! Thanks for the uplift..... | |
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| sweetkali | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:49 | |
Forum Maniac United States 3,931 Posts | Dude...you really need to get a blog. <smile> | |
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| golden_one | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:52 | |
Forum Regular United States 854 Posts | Loved it Thank you for the laughs!!!
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| James_Lord_Dominant | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:52 | |
| Forum Maniac United States 4,051 Posts | This is much like grade school. Shifty writes something, and the beverage of the moment comes out of My nose with great force. -- "I didn't join an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity." Dominant Resident in Pittsburgh | |
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| Devilbob | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:53 | |
Forum Apprentice United States 478 Posts | Which would be worse: your mom not getting you the swing [does she get an employee discount?] or her actually getting one for you. If she bought it for you, could you bring yourself to use it with your partners(sssss)? | |
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| Scarlett_o | Posted: 2004-05-26 16:53 | |
| Forum Apprentice United States 185 Posts | Tell your mom she can't quit. These threads are becoming the highlight of my day. -- The beatings will continue until morale improves Tears4Dragon Dragon's pearl | |
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| corsetedgeishia | Posted: 2004-05-26 17:02 | |
Forum Apprentice Canada 192 Posts | Can Your Mom get U/us a group discount? | |
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| AgonyIsEcstasy | Posted: 2004-05-26 17:02 | |
Forum Regular United States 754 Posts | James_Lord_Dominant: This is much like grade school. Shifty writes something, and the beverage of the moment comes out of My nose with great force. Good to know I'm not the only one that happens to...LOLOL Shifty? Maybe our moms SHOULD talk..:;grin:: Edited by - AgonyIsEcstasy on 2004-05-26 17:01:05 | |
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| gemo | Posted: 2004-05-26 17:03 | |
Forum Regular United States 722 Posts | Thanks for sharing, Shifty.  | |
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