Bondage Forums

Growing up, my mother worked a lot. I used to go over to Patty and Jeanie's house after school, where they would watch me until my mother was home for the evening.

I always called Patty my god mother.
I always called Jeanie my fairy god mother.

They lived together as early as I can remember. I never knew or suspected they were a "couple" even though I called Jeanie "fairy god mother." In fact, I remember a day when I was 13 or 14 and told them a "faggot joke" thinking it was hilarious. Patty laughed right along with me, and she gave me this look.. you know, THE look. That "mysterious" look and said "Just remember, you never know where those fags are going to be hiding." Her smile didn't waiver at all, but I remember her eyes having something unspoken in them. It just didn't click, ya know?

Even later in life, It STILL didn't click that they were lesbians. It never clicked until I went home on leave back in 96, and they invited me to their house for dinner. When I got there, we ate and drank and had a good time, then they showed me some photo's of a cruise they recently took. After the 40th picture or so, I said "Hey, I haven't seen a single guy in these pictures yet?!"

That's when Patty said "By the way, do you like our new rings?"
Ever since that day, we make it a point to tell any and all "faggot jokes" we hear with one another. I'm still a fast runner, they haven't caught me yet. Heh.

Well, guess where my mother went this weekend? Yeah. over to Patty and Jeanie's house. They live in Columbus OH now, so my mother doesn't get to see them often. But those two women are as much family as anyone could ever be, so everyone takes turns driving here or there when the mood strikes.

I called my mother on her cell phone just a little while ago, figuring she'd be out playing bingo or working at the store today. Just wanted to make sure she hasn't left the country due to family embarrassment or anything.

Mom - Hello?

Me - I'd like a large with pepperoni and extra cheese. Slap some of those little slimy bugs on it too, would ya? For delivery. Ya take stolen credit cards?

Mom -What do you want, rotten kid. (She loves me. I know she does. She just doesn't want me to know it.)

Me - Amuse me. Play along.

Mom - Why, are you going spank your girlfriends with a pizza? (Waste a good pizza??)

Me - No, I'm going to roll it up like a burrito and use it for a pillow. (It's all I could think of.)

Mom- I'm sure there is some strange name for that kinky too.

Me - That "kinky" too? Mom, it's a kink. Not a kinky. It's kinky when you refer to it as an action, but it's a kink or fetish when you mention it as a specific activity type.

Mom - Well at least your college English courses paid off.

Me - So did all that partying.

Mom - I don't want to hear about it.

Me - You sure? You remember the midget I was in highschool with? She-

Mom - (In the back ground) Come here and talk to YOUR son.

Me - Hey, I wasn't through yet! (Damn!)

Patty - Hey kiddo, how are you?

Me - Who's this?

Patty - This is your father. Who do you think it is?

Me - So you're the man of the house this week?

Patty - Apparently. Jeanie bought me some new hiking boots and a (pause) lumberjack cap.

Me - Sexxy. Going to wear it out?

Patty - No, I'm going to bury it in the yard. Right alongside her.

Me - Make sure you wrap the evidence in plastic.

Patty - Or leather? (Pick up my jaw. They can't see. Pick it up quick..)

Me - Ahhh shit!

Patty - You sound surprised. Didja think we wouldn't find out Kirky? (Yes, my middle name is Kirk. They call me Kirky. Just shut it, and read quietly.)

Me - Please don't lecture me. I'm fragile.

Patty - Fragile like a brick wall. You know she's really confused about it right?

Me - Yeah. But what am I supposed to say? She knows. I can't lie about it... How do you feel?

Patty - (Silence for an hour long second) We're ok with it. We're talking with her about P.E.P.

Me - WHAT? OH HELL FUCKING NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! (Screw picking up my jaw. Someone grab my sanity before it leaks down the drain.)

Patty - (I can't describe it. She snickered. OR maybe it was the devil snickering through her.) We love you Kirky. And watch your mouth.

Me - Woops, Sorry. Please tell me you're the dominant one. Jeanie is too nice. You corrupted her. I know it.

Patty - We'll take your mom her to a dinner, maybe a social. She'll be fine. Just give her time.

Me - Patty? Tell - me - jeanie - is - not - the - boss.

Patty - Are you having fun in Connecticut? Met anyone there yet?

Me - Patty. Yer killing me.

Patty - You remember a long time ago when I wore a tie out to dinner? The black one?

Me - Uh, yeah. I helped you tie it. Kind of. Didn't work out real well. I was like. 15 or something? Jeanie fixed it. Damn it, put jeanie on the phone.

Patty - Remember what else happened that night?

Me - Yeah, I got my collar button snagged on Jeanie's necklace and broke it when I pulled back. Ahh shit!! (So THAT's why it was so friggin' tight!)

Patty - You really are gullible aren't you.

Me - No. My god mothers are just incredibly evil. I think I'm going to go away. Far far away.

Patty - Hold on. *Thunk* (Just like Patty. Don't "set the phone down." Just "Drop it and let gravity handle the details.")

Jeanie - Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! (She's always so chipper and happy and dapper and stuff. Makes me wanna vomit in a loving sort of way.)

Me - Will you two stop pulling shit like this on me? Yer killin' me!

Jeanie - (pause- load- cock- kerplowwie!!) Yes Sir.

Me - . Arrggghhh! (Click)

... I feel so utterly violated.

--
- Some things are too fundamental to debate.

- It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer.

No wonder you had to move far away from home to get any peace.

BTW. We all still want the name and town of your mother's store. Can't wait to say Kirky suggested we call. (WEG)

http://www.slaveregister.com/certificate/739099

"I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." (Robert Frost) "Not all who wander are lost." (JRR Tolkein)

web tart - Nope, she's in West Virginia. Tis only me over here in CT.
--
- Some things are too fundamental to debate.

- It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer.

Please Kirky!! i'm going to have to safe word on You, if You keep this up!!

Do you need a sling for your jaw so it doesn't drop any more?

*G*
-Kel
--
Well behaved women seldom make history.

any of the Bcommers in Columbus,Ohio, We need to you get on any local kink lists or GBLT to and keep your eyes open for a couple named 'Patty and Jeanie'... Perhaps they can give us the location of XXX's toybox.... and a stealth field trip can be organized...

Folks go in, everyone grabs at least one string of 'beads' (plus anything else that strikes their fancy)
WE can ask the nice lady if she'll give a group discount.... and mention putting them on our keychains...

(at this point, we either leave quietly, saying nothing, or go for broke and confess why we are there)

If our cover gets blown, we confess that we know her son. And would like to invite her to dinner when her shift's over. We can invite Shifty too.... (someone can slip her the riding crop when he isn't looking)

(smiles innocently)

If folks really want to do this, I could be up for the field trip on the weekend, but I don't think my car can go the whole distance, I can meet up to ride with someone/s, and can chip in for gas (do we do a motel stay?)

Hey, if we can pull in enough people from the tristate/Cincy/dayton/ columbus/etc area we could rent a van to drive there.....

Graven