Bondage Forums

For some reason, dressing down doesn't usually include a large brownish stain on your jeans for everyone to point and laugh at. When I get done crying, I'mma kick someones ass.

Secretary - Sir, it's your mother. She says it's urgent.

Me - No habla engles por favor. Chalupa, sinco seis. (That's all I know.)

Secretary - I'll transfer her to your line.

Me - I'll give you a raise if you tell her I died and won't be back until Tuesday.

Secretary - Really?

Me - .

(Phone transfers)

Me - Yes, mother. I'm working remember? You're not supposed to call whe-

Mom - If I wanted to get a flogger, would you tell me which one to buy?

Me - And I'm trying to get a lot of stuff fini-

Mom- I bought a set of those beads, and they aren't too bad.

Me - The faxes, the emails, the disgruntled employee's with weaponry, the-

Mom - And we went to Think and Ink yesterday to get him a piercing.

Me - What the- Fuck ow ow ow fuckfuck Shit!! (3 days of reports. Trashed. All her fault. Feel my pain.)

Mom - Don't you dare talk to me like that buck-o! What are you doing? (Thanks for caring. Really.)

Me - I'm trying to (clank, bonk, bang smack) clean my desk and my pants.

Mom - What did you spill this time? You still drink 4 pots of coffee a day?

Me - Only 3 pots now mom. I got it under control. What kind of piercing please? (I don't want to know this. I KNOW I don't want to know. I'm the guy on the highway, driving very slowly passed a wreck with much carnage. I just can't help myself. I gotta know.)

Mom - I'm not telling. I got a tattoo too!

Me - You're an insane person. Please finish your will so I can commit you.

Mom - So what kind would I want to get? Something little? Or one of the big fat ones?

Me - Mom, you're. you are- you.. you're wiggin' me out here. Don't you remember you really DID give birth to me? This ain't right. What would Jesus think? (Yeah, religion! That'll get her to ease up! Brimstone and fire, eternal hell. It's gotta work!)

Mom - I distinctly remember filling out the police report saying someone stole my real child and swapped it with a fake.

Me - I'm not a fake. We got the same teeth. Genetics proves all.

Mom - You're going to have a sore bottom if you don't watch it mister.

Me - Uh (Coughspluttersplutter)

Mom - Oh no.

Me - Ahem.

Mom - Well ok, maybe this a little strange.

Me - Finally. The mother listens to reason.

Mom - Don't push it rotten kid.

Me - But I really want to get one, and the people in the store tell me all sorts of weird things. I don't care what the leather is, I just want something that won't hurt my wrist.

Me - You want it to hurt?

Mom - No, silly. I just said I don't want it to hurt my wrist.

Me - Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Mom, listen. Do you want it to hurt HIM? (Am I truly such a bad person to deserve this? I ate my spinach. I did my homework. I fed the dogs every day.)

Mom - Oh. Only a little bit. They don't seem to hurt too much.

Me - That depends on who's driving it mom.

Mom - Oh my god, you better not have done that to Amy!

Me - Mom, what's with you and her? You gave birth to ME, not her!

Mom - She was nice. And good for you. I always liked her.

Me - Fer fucks sake, I was like 13 or something. She didn't even have to wear bra's yet mom. (Ok, we were older and she really DID have nice boobs. But I ain't tellin' her that.)

Mom - That's it. I've had it with your potty mouth young man. You better watch it, or you're really going to be in trouble.

Me - Going to spank me?

Mom - (Paaaaauuuuuuussseeeee and *click*)

Me - (Ringing back)

Mom - Hello?

Me - Get a stinger. Kangaroo hide. Just ask someone, they'll point out a stinger for you. Easy on your hand, better effect for less effort.

Mom - Will it hurt him a lot?

Me- Only if you want it too. Go slow.

Mom - Oh I'm sure that's what you do. I bet you're single because you're too mean!

Me - They like it when they can't walk afterwards.

Mom - Ugh! (*Click!*)

Me - (Ringin' again!)

Mom - Now what.

Me - Spank me mommy! Spank me!

Mom - That's it! Enough out of you! (*Cllllllllick!*)

Heh... make me ruin MY pants, will ya!

--
- Some things are too fundamental to debate.
- It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer.
- Ya got three choices. The high road, the low road, or my fuckin' footpath.

Have Fun! Life is too short not to.

Oh Shifty I've missed you

Il me possède comme il a depuis le début du temps, et je suis à lui
jusqu'à l'extrémité
~Don't fake your life, inhale it~ Pantera

Another one for mom!

I Vote NO PANTS for Shifty!
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Attention Shifty! Be a good son and call your Mother!

Now you know what happens to us when we read updates about your Mom...

hehe thanks I really needed a laugh! Much love to Shifty! Its gotta be tough having a mom like that and not ending up totally emotionally foccatted.

come on, we all hated getting the birds and the bees talk, can you imagine it happening all over again, except more graphic, and the other way around? *shudders*
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I almost pissed my pants, lol.
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Wench
Whip me, beat me, make me bleed, dirty sex is what I need
Living, Loving, Licking
Ask if I give a flying fuck, I'll say only in a plane

I'm a third on that no pants vote!

and Paraiah, if you expect us to believe your keyboard is sticky because of something your drinking, your sorely underestimating the pervies here on B.com ;P *giggles*
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