Bondage Forums

Vanessa - Sir, your mother called on line 2. She left a message.

Me - Vanessa, I haven't been on the phone. See that line #1 light? If it's not red, I ain't talkin' to anyone else. Come on now, be a professional. Try it. (Sometimes I hate this woman.)

Vanessa - Yes sir, I know. She asked me to take a message and then hung up. Would you like to hear it now? Or should I call you on your currently non-red line # 1 ? (Like right now.)

Me - If you weren't so charming with irate customers, I'd fire you. You know that right?

Vanessa - Yes sir. I know sir. Do you and your mother have one of those strange relationships? She's been calling an awful lot.

Me - Pack yer shit, pick up yer check.

Vanessa - She said "Call her asap" sir. Would you like me to hold your calls?

Me - I want you to hold the stapler and talk on it.

Vanessa - That's not in my job description, sir.

Me - Neither is a paycheck if you don't watch it.

Vanessa - Yes sir. Anything else?

Me - Yes, V. Get me a pistol.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

Mom - What.

Me - Ehh. Hi. Why exactly do I need to return your call A S A P ?

Mom - Because I said so, and I carried you for 9 months without tripping.

Me - Well I can't argue with that I s'pose. (She musta tripped at least once. I'm sure of it.)

Mom - No one argues with me anymore. It's the strangest thing.

Me - Gosh, I wonder why? Maybe because you had your boytoy skewered through the testicles with a pool stick? (Did I really need to subject myself to that thought? I won't piss for a week now.)

Mom - Hush your mouth, young man! I can't believe you just said that!

Me - Mom, I'm really busy doing everyone elses job today. What's going on? Are you ok?

Mom - Yes yes, I'm fine. I just didn't want to disturb you. I know you're a very important young man, climbing his career ladder and doing your best every moment of the day. (What the hell? Last time I heard something like this, she had ran over my bicycle an hour earlier.)

Me - Apparently, you're either in jail, being held captive, or you've found a long lost relative who left me millions in a last will and testament.

Mom - Or maybe I just love my son! (Amateur.)

Me - Uh huh. Maybe you're on morphine too.

Mom - I really don't like you very much, do you know that?

Me - That's my line.

Mom - It's mine. I inherited it.

Me - Want my bills too?

Mom - You keep those. I'm not greedy. (Gee, how thoughtful.)

Me - Right. So?

Mom - I think I might be what they call a switch.

Me - What?!

Mom - Well, I'm not really sure. Will you answer a question?

Me - Sure, soon as I'm done spewing my lunch up.

Mom - Stop it, Kirk. You don't know how upset I've been with you for finding this out about you. (You? You?! Wtf? It's all about you, isn't it.)

Me - I know you mom, but what's done is done, and what is- is exactly the opposite of what ain't.

Mom - Well at least you're not like the customers in the store.

Me - I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Why do you think you're a switch?

Mom - Because when your father and I used to go away on camping trips, I really liked being spanked.

Me - . (My life expectancy is seriously dwindling here.)

Mom - Well? Doesn't that mean I might be a switch?

Me - . Is nothing sacred to you?

Mom - For petes sake, kirky. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to think that YOU are like this! And now, I'm caught up in it! I went to church on Sunday and I had to leave in the middle!

Me - Yah, I hate those conflicting church/spanking schedules.

Mom - That's not funny.

Me - Neither is the thought of dad spanking you. (Remember your first roller coaster ride? And all the nausea that accompanied it?)

Mom - Well it was fun at the time. (I can HEAR her smiling. This is just. evil.)

Me - If you enjoy being spanked, it means just that mom. That's all. Now, if you like the thought of trading positions, well, that might be another story. Would you feel ok with someone who wanted to trade off with you?

Mom - I don't know. Mr. Xxx doesn't want to trade, I'm sure of it. But I might like to see what the other side is about.

Me - Mom, you haven't seen what the current side is about. I know this is all new to you, so just ease in to it ok? Relax, and never forget that you're still you, no matter what side you're on.

Mom - I never wanted this to happen.

Me - Me neither. But it did.

Mom - But you're young and have energy.

Me - Yep, I am. And you're beautiful and have years of wisdom.

Mom - Well? Should I try this out?

Mom - You should do everything you can possibly imagine. Just don't rush it, and don't fake it. Be you. No matter what.

Me - I learned how to milk the prostate on Saturday.

Me - (clankclopclickclopclank)

Mom - Are you there?

Me - Mom, I do NOT want to hear about your poopfinger stories alright?

Vanessa - Pardon, sir?

Me - Ahghh! (clankclopclunkclopclopclank) Close my door please, I'll be finished in a moment.

Vanessa - Emmmhh ok. (Door shuts much more loudly than it opened.)

Me- Mom, I gotta go.

Mom - Next time you say that I hope she smacks you! You pottymou-

Me - (Click)

Vanessa had the cutest smile all day long. for some reason, I just didn't find it real fuckin' funny. Revenge... it's an ugly thing. And I'm well suited to the task.

--
- Some things are too fundamental to debate.
- It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer.
- Ya got three choices. The high road, the low road, or my fuckin' footpath.

--
~soft whinny~
amy
TLO's dog and pony show.
Live the life you love, use the god you trust, and dont take it all too seriously...L&R

I know a lot about a few things, a little about a lot of things, and absolutely nothing about most things.

Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive,
along with which comes the inner voice which says, "This is the real me, and when you have found that attitude, follow it". ~William James

Thanks sweety.

Edited by - Eucerulea on 2004-06-25 00:37:16

eeegaddddddddd mothers...........we love em and despise em.......all in the same breath.............lol............

your stories are so funny..........i needed a laugh..thank you