Mistress Ariachne's BDSM Workshop: 24/7 Lifestyle Responsibilities

In a regular BDSM scene, no matter what the depth of surrender and submission involved, afterwards both players return to their original level of responsibility and dominance in the real world. In a full-time master/slave relationship, however, things are radically different. While the 24/7 lifestyle makes for some awfully hot fantasies, the real thing requires massive amounts of planning and difficult choices to ensure that the lifestyle works. The level of dependence created means that there are heavy responsibilities to be shouldered by both partners.

Homebody Slaves vs. After-work Slaves

Some people define a full-time master/slave lifestyle as one in which the slave quits his or her job and spends every moment in the service of the master or mistress. But others have a "full-time" lifestyle in which the slave still has a day job and takes care of his or her own finances, health, etc. I don't think either is more "legitimate" or better than the other. If the slave has his or her own job, it does make things easier on the top in terms of responsibilities. Sometimes it works well to start this way and gradually transition financial and other responsibilities over to the master or mistress.

Financial Responsibility

If the slave is a full-time stay-at-home slave, on the other hand, the top must take on a great deal of financial responsibility for his or her partner. In some ways, the arrangement is similar to that of a traditional married couple where the wife is the homemaker. The top's salary must be adequate to support two people. This is where planning is crucial. Will the top's income alone be enough to provide shelter, food, clothing, health care, and the other miscellaneous needs of a household? And will the top be able to provide this support without getting caught up in resentment? One way to approach this arrangement is to recognize all the hard work and hours the bottom will be putting in to support the top in the home realm. Cooking, cleaning, basically taking care of all household tasks--these things all free up the top's time and can be worth a great deal in non-monetary terms.

The top needs to take both partner's financial needs into careful consideration. Even if the rent or mortgage stays the same and the food bill doesn't increase, the top must remember to account for all the little things that the bottom will need for comfortable living. Toiletries, clothes, maybe even a car for errands--these things can add up. Draw up a budget before you decide to plunge into the 24/7 lifestyle.

You must also consider how the slave would be supported if something were to happen to the master or mistress. Some 24/7 masters and mistresses take out life insurance on themselves, with the slave as the beneficiary. I think this is a great idea. Also consider what would happen were the relationship to end. If the slave has quit his or her job, it might take a while to get back into the workforce. A 24/7 contract should be drawn up that gives the slave the right to be supported for a few months while he or she gets another job, should the relationship end.

Health Care

Keeping a 24/7 slave healthy is not only good for play, but an ethical imperative, in my opinion. If you have dependents of any type, it is your responsibility to ensure they receive adequate health care. In many cases, employers offer domestic partner options on health insurance. Take advantage of these offers if you can. I have even heard of masters marrying their female slaves so the slave had access to health care, benefits, and property rights should the master die.

If you don't have the option of covering your slave under your employer's health care program, you must find another way to provide for health care. Health costs must be a part of your household budget. A slave needs more than an emergency health care fund--a true caring master or mistress will ensure that his or her slaves get regular checkups and have access to ongoing medication, counseling, and other medical services if needed.

Eating well is an important part of health as well. The good news is a slave can be an integral part of ensuring that a household eats nutritious, home-cooked meals. I personally treasure cooking skills highly in a slave, and find it well worth my time to train a slave (or arrange for cooking classes) in the culinary arts. Master and slave should take the time to plan their food preferences and make sure there is room in the budget for healthy food.

Emotional Needs

While the physical needs of food, shelter, and health care are very important, it is crucial not to neglect the equally important emotional needs of a dependent slave. A 24/7 top takes on a huge responsibility to care for the psychological well-being of a full-time slave. The top must remain emotionally available and supportive whenever possible. On the other hand, the slave must try to be understanding if the top feels overwhelmed at times or even "untoppy."

My recommendation is to do everything possible to keep an open line of communication going, without fear of stepping out of role. Regular weekly check-ins are a great way to make sure issues have a chance to be aired. If you schedule a regular time every week, perhaps an hour, for you and your slave to sit down together and talk about how the relationship is going, you can create an open, accepting place for both of you to bring up your feelings without interrupting the flow of the "lifestyle scene." It is important for the slave to know he or she can bring up problems without seeming insubordinate, and it is very important for the top to know he or she can bring up feelings without seeming weak.

These responsibilities may seem daunting, especially to the top, but entering into a full-time lifestyle is a major commitment. With enough planning and foresight, a 24/7 master/slave relationship can be healthy and satisfying for all involved.