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kheaven 62M
22 posts
6/17/2024 11:13 pm

Last Read:
6/18/2024 12:06 am

one breath



Monday April .... June 17, 2024, 1023 pm.
was trying to get to taking just one breath in a minute. I might have achieved a little less than two. It's good. Breathe deep. Breathe in as much as possible, get air into as much muscle as possible, aerate the tension, release the tension.
Thinking also about beautiful women I just can't have. Maybe. There are beautiful women I think I'd love to fuck, and or make love to, be close to, intellectually and emotionally intimate with, who I believe I probably will never have any such intimacy.
Is there a law of the universe? Do I only really get one love? Do I maybe get two? Some people seem to have several. Maybe they don't get deep, and or real, quality, cosmic infinite god sent inspired love.. or maybe they do, dozens of times, or countless amounts, of love and lovers. How would I know? I come from a loveless .... a relatively loveless, family household. Love light. Like light beer, Light rock. Lite. Why? Why God, Why? More trace of evidence to suggest that the God we have had described to us, or is it just me?, is not the real god.
What is the real god? Will the real god allow me numerous lovers? countless lovers?: dozens? hundreds? thousands? millions? infinite endless love? infinite endless lovers? My god, the one God I've had described to me, he, that god, would.
but while I consider it valid to contend that he is not best to identify as he; a man, always wearing the same; abundant throw of bed sheeting-like as clothing, always seated in that square marble chair. Well it's because he must be content up there, in the clouds in the sky. But when and how and why might I identify God as a woman, neither, or both or non binary, god the trans, in chiffon and spandex, or not even looking like a human, and not forever seated in a chair, in the air, but everywhere, as is also suggested, God is everything. Is God, not male, ah... male and female, neuron and electron, light and darkness, all and nothingness. What is nothingness? And if God is every every every thing, no need to capitalize the title, and do what we all feel and or fathom what we most should and or want to do.
digressing:
But why, then, do sometimes, and tonight specifically do I get this feeling, that I might really only get one lover, and one love? Albeit it would be one lifelong, or, and/or, eternal love/lover.
Maybe because I'm not very good at love, and I can't have a second until I've done one , the first one, the way it should be done. If I "love" but love badly, other, "girls", women, lovers, can see, intuitively, feel, that I'm not a good lover. They won't want the "love" I want. But I don't want bad love. But do I need to know what good love is?:
I think I need to think. It would be like going for a drive, like maybe in the countryside. I mean, I've got to set my sights right. I've got to decide which direction to go to get to the countryside. If I don't pay attention to where I'm driving, I might end up nowhere near the countryside, but gone to the other side, the wrong side, into alleyways of stark concrete and metal buildings, where the sun is seldom shining. I've got to set my mind, my sights on the destination I think is most pleasing. Life can be a pleasure. Living is often pleasing without my making any effort to direct myself to the pleasure. But life can also be dreary. I should consider where my mind is heading.
At every second, from now on. Love is my goal. Or should I set my sights on contentment as a base, with happiness, joy, fun, and love as goals also, that may not always be immediately easily possible, every minute, every second. But comfort, and contentment, should be expected. Yes? Well. I will seek. Comfort, contentment, happiness, fun, love. And handsome girls, sexy curves, in leather, with brilliant minds and always effortlessly channeling joy. After all, they're always there, everywhere.


kheaven 62M
62 posts
6/17/2024 11:15 pm

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