|
caveman 8/30/2024
why did the cave man drag his woman by the hair ? <br><br>
because if he had dragged her by the feet her pussy would
fill with sand
1 Comments,
9 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score
|
|
wife visits gynecologist 7/24/2024
During the doctors examination the Doc exclaims that Karen's
vagina is the largest he's ever seen, and he's
seen a lot over the years. She starts getting angry and finally
tells the doc, "how could you say such a thing to me,
even if it is the biggest one you've ever seen!? I've
never been so insulted in all my life!" She gets off
the table, throws her clothes on ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score
|
|
sex therapist for seniors 7/17/2024
a senior couple go to the sex therapist and asked him to observe
them having sex. the two geezers impress him. they make an appointment for next week and leave. this goes on for six weeks and after their session the therapist
asked "just what kind of problems are you supposed
to be having? everything seems quite normal and even impressive
with your age. the man tells him well we can't do ...
1 Comments,
15 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
toliet paper ............... 3/18/2024
this rabbit is sitting under a tree taking his morning dump
and along walks a big bear and leans against the tree and
the little rabbit is so scared that he is clinched up too tight to squeeze one out
the bear notices him and says morning rabbit to which the
rabbit replies m m morning mr bear while trying his best to finish and run
away <br><br>
the bear grunts a couple times and ...
0 Comments,
33 Views,
21 Votes
,1.02 Score
|
|
The Heaven year itch 2/18/2024
When you die and go up rather than down, you are asked a question
and must answer it correctly to pass through the gates.
There is a blonde ahead of me ready to be asked her question
and she is all fidgety and nervous ... I heard St Peter mutter
to himself, 'Lord Father, she seems like a nice girl
so I will ask her an easy question'... So he asks her
, 'What is the name of Gods only ...
0 Comments,
42 Views,
17 Votes
,0.58 Score
|
|
SLUt....(SaltLake, Ut) 2/18/2024
Back about 10 years ago I was living quite well on the Jersey
shore. Had a great job, beautiful Benz, spent weekends
back up in my hometown next to NYC, spent lots of time at the
beach or on the water, had good times in AC or up in Philly....
It was great ! When I talk about it to people now they often
will ask, 'So what on earth brought you to Salt Lake
City ?' And I tell them ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
11 Votes
,0.55 Score
|
|
why dont you diet ? 11/30/2023
fat guy in locker room shower and guy walks in and asks. "how
long since you seen your dick " fat guy says ... long time guy says "why dont you diet ? fat guy says " why what color is it now ? <br><br>
<br><br>
please comment
1 Comments,
54 Views,
41 Votes
,0.10 Score
|
|
I like my women like I like my coffee 10/19/2023
I send it back for not being hot enough!
2 Comments,
60 Views,
47 Votes
|
|
Meh 10/10/2023
When did the messenger stop letting new members message
people using points?
0 Comments,
51 Views,
42 Votes
|
|
The Engagement Ring 10/9/2023
The kinky couples had a long & restless weekend, husband
uses his free hand & pushes his wife's belly in
ward, he said ... "Don't move my love ... I think
I found our engagement ring"... he pulls his wrist
out of her ass... curious, he then said... "This isn't
mine".
0 Comments,
34 Views,
19 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
|
joke 8/9/2023
question what's better than a dozen roses on a piano
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
answer tulips (two lips) on an organ
1 Comments,
52 Views,
46 Votes
|
|
guaranteed weight loss 5/4/2023
man walking down the street and sees a sign that says guaranteed
weight loss. <br><br>
he goes inside and sees a real beauty at the desk and asks
about the sign and she explains. pay 100.00 and we guarantee 10lbs weight loss in one day.
excited he pays her the money and she instructs him to strip
off his clothes and go into the room with the green door.
inside he finds the most ...
3 Comments,
127 Views,
46 Votes
,0.94 Score
|
|
The Biker 3/30/2023
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming
voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be
faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. <br><br>
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to
Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." <br><br>
The Lord said, ...
1 Comments,
83 Views,
36 Votes
,0.99 Score
|
|
How do you piss off Whinney The Pooh? 3/8/2023
Stick two fingers in his honey
  ...
1 Comments,
98 Views,
79 Votes
|
|
I flirted with disaster last night 12/11/2022
Now disaster won’t stop texting me.
0 Comments,
93 Views,
84 Votes
,0.04 Score
|
|
Succeed 10/11/2022
If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until
you do suck seed.
0 Comments,
168 Views,
150 Votes
|
|
Sperm 10/3/2022
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong
sock this morning.
1 Comments,
155 Views,
138 Votes
|
|
Give it to me! 10/3/2022
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm
so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she
wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
1 Comments,
152 Views,
127 Votes
|
|
Sex Tape 9/25/2022
My neighbours just made a sex tape. of course, they don't
know yet.
0 Comments,
129 Views,
110 Votes
|
|
Fishing 8/2/2022
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
0 Comments,
177 Views,
153 Votes
|
|
Mobster joke 8/2/2022
What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened
criminal.
1 Comments,
152 Views,
139 Votes
|
|
just coz 7/26/2022
ignore this plz..
1 Comments,
52 Views,
41 Votes
,0.33 Score
|
|
Any? 7/14/2022
Any funny sex jokes anyone would like to share? I think we
can all use a laugh!
0 Comments,
173 Views,
159 Votes
|
|
coins 7/4/2022
just for coins
0 Comments,
0 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
hmm 5/14/2022
for points bcoz im poor
4 Comments,
142 Views,
115 Votes
,0.08 Score
|
|
Confronting hate 3/30/2022
hi-speed lead posioning is needed. What is the difference
between flying pigs and politicians? The letter F. Three
tampons sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?
Nothing. They’re stuck-up cunts. All the richest people in Congress are Democrats, ever
wonder why?
1 Comments,
80 Views,
54 Votes
,0.08 Score
|
|
points 3/15/2022
just for points
1 Comments,
111 Views,
102 Votes
|
|
A laughting motorcycle 8/16/2021
What do you call a laughting motorcycle? <br><br>
A Yamahahaha
1 Comments,
213 Views,
183 Votes
|
|
Any funny Sex Stories 8/12/2021
Anyone love to share something funny that has occurred
in bed?
1 Comments,
159 Views,
140 Votes
|
|
Airplanes 8/11/2021
I have a joke about airplanes, but it seems to go over peoples
heads.
1 Comments,
169 Views,
151 Votes
|
|
SEX Jokes 7/26/2021
Anyone have some funny jokes or stories that have occurred
while in the sack?
0 Comments,
119 Views,
101 Votes
|
|
JOKERS 5/5/2021
Any funny sex jokes out there?
0 Comments,
117 Views,
104 Votes
|
|
bad joke 4/28/2021
man walks into a bar.... ouch!
0 Comments,
169 Views,
136 Votes
|
|
Funny 4/8/2021
An funny sex jokes out there?
0 Comments,
98 Views,
88 Votes
|
|
Vaccine joke 2/26/2021
If we get our Covid vaccine shot in our butt, can we call that
shot a "Butta-Fauci?"
1 Comments,
174 Views,
159 Votes
|
|
Mask-cott 2/25/2021
If we boycott the mask mandates, can we that a "Mask-cott"?
0 Comments,
155 Views,
140 Votes
|
|
Canine quarantine 2/21/2021
The World Health Organization, W.H.O., is concerned that
the new virus will spread to dogs. Therefore they have ordered
all dogs worldwide to be quarantined for 14 to keep dogs
safe from the new covid virus. 15 days from now you can release your out of quarantine,
and then you can sing "W.H.O. let the dogs out?"
4 Comments,
124 Views,
103 Votes
|
|
Bad dad joke 2/3/2021
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man
on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
2 Comments,
142 Views,
123 Votes
|
|
Ladies and Gentlemen 1/6/2021
I give you all. <br><br>
Joke ends
1 Comments,
59 Views,
48 Votes
|
|
Dirty jokes 10/9/2020
Anyone have good dirty jokes to share? lol
2 Comments,
86 Views,
71 Votes
|
|
kinsey 5/14/2020
Anyone else old enough remember the movie ""?
They claimed Revel's Bolero was THE choice in banging
music. Awhile later Kinsey did A study and OMG Bolero was
America's choice. Incredibly enough for Gay Men their
choice was also a classical piece the "William Bend
Overture".
3 Comments,
255 Views,
223 Votes
,0.05 Score
|
|
ignore please :P 4/7/2020
taco butt
8 Comments,
369 Views,
301 Votes
,0.28 Score
|
|
please ignore 3/20/2020
just for  coz im horny
0 Comments,
8 Views,
8 Votes
,1.62 Score
|
|
blonde school teacher 3/15/2020
a young blonde school teacher was trying to make her students
understand blood circulation. after going over what the books said a couple of times she
realized it was going to take more effort on her part to make
them understand. since she was wearing pants she stood
on her head against the wall for couple minutes. then she
asked a couple of students to come up and make observations.
one of them ...
1 Comments,
216 Views,
110 Votes
,0.26 Score
|
|
Making jokes of others 02 2/26/2020
I can imagine why some people make jokes of others.... Bottom line is that most of them have low self-esteem. What do u think ?
1 Comments,
184 Views,
166 Votes
,0.55 Score
|
|
Making jokes of others 01 2/12/2020
Telling jokes so every one laughs is one thing, making fun
of someone is another. Making something thats funny a joke is something else than
making him a joke ! ty
3 Comments,
194 Views,
177 Votes
,0.63 Score
|
|
Canadian joke 1/29/2020
How do you upset a Canadian? In conversation, say "oh, you meant ice
hockey."
9 Comments,
300 Views,
238 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
|
Why? 1/16/2020
Why do women wake up and rub their eyes? <br><br>
Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
6 Comments,
280 Views,
231 Votes
,0.73 Score
|
|
Sexist 1/13/2020
Why do women have smaller feet than men? <br><br>
To enable them to get closer to the kitchen sink!
0 Comments,
10 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score
|
|
How many good people 1/11/2020
Does it take to find
4 Comments,
245 Views,
197 Votes
,0.28 Score
|
|
Hunting Season 1/8/2020
A father goes hunting for some deer and he nails a beautiful
1o point buck butt does a bad job cleaning the meat when he
makes it for dinner. His wife comes by later and says "Dear
I was masturbating and I found a pellet." He thinks
nothing of it and tell her not to worry about it. Later his
comes by says she got horny and found a pellet when
she tried to fuck herself. He thinks ...
3 Comments,
275 Views,
155 Votes
,1.37 Score
|
|
A dad joke 1/5/2020
Did you hear about the Victoria's secret in Canada?
They are thinking of changing their name to 'Panty
Hosers'.
5 Comments,
176 Views,
144 Votes
,1.06 Score
|
|
How Many? 1/1/2020
How many guitarists does it take change a light bulb?
<br><br>
. change it and 10 sit around and say, "I
could have changed that way better!"
1 Comments,
97 Views,
86 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
The doctor is in 12/26/2019
Knock knock
5 Comments,
65 Views,
37 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
What's the difference? 12/26/2019
What's the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer? <br><br>
The taste.
0 Comments,
34 Views,
24 Votes
,1.77 Score
|
|
Barred2 12/23/2019
Bear walks into a bar. <br><br>
Bear:- "one pint of ..........................
beer please" <br><br>
Barman:- "why the long pause?" <br><br>
(Bear:- "waiting for more points")
2 Comments,
33 Views,
25 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Barred 12/23/2019
walks into a bar. <br><br>
Barman:- "why the long face?" <br><br>
(:- "Haven't got enough points to chat
to someone...")
3 Comments,
22 Views,
14 Votes
,1.54 Score
|
|
Hoping to make a good point..... 12/23/2019
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. .... or 2 or 3.
2 Comments,
20 Views,
12 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
What goes up, and never comes down?.......................... 12/12/2019
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. ..... the amount of points needed to chat to someone on IM!!
3 Comments,
12 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
|
|
Getting all catty 12/10/2019
Entered my cat into the cat olympics milk drinking competition.
She set a new lap record...
0 Comments,
6 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Just getting by. 12/10/2019
What's the point? where's the points?
0 Comments,
4 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final s 11/6/2019
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which
the funniness culminates in the final sentence, called
the punchline… In fact, the main condition is that the
tension should reach its highest level at the very end.
No continuation relieving the tension should be added.
As for its being "oral, " it is true that jokes
may appear printed, but when further transferred, there ...
6 Comments,
54 Views,
19 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
watching 11/5/2019
watching drunk bitches get drunk and start to fight and
watching them fight is funny
0 Comments,
7 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Difference? 10/30/2019
Q: What is the difference between an oral thermometer and
a rectal thermometer? <br><br>
A: The taste.
0 Comments,
4 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Chuck Norris 10/26/2019
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already
had three missed calls by Chuck Norris!
2 Comments,
12 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
|
|
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? 10/26/2019
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
... all! hahahah!
1 Comments,
13 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
make your point 10/14/2019
Hoping to make lots of points here.
1 Comments,
6 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
You old you 10/12/2019
What type of has magical powers..................................................................................................
............................... ............................. ......................... .................. ............ .......... ...... A labracadabrador
0 Comments,
6 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comments,
3 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
2 Comments,
12 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score
|
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comments,
6 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
|
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comments,
5 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comments,
3 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Oranges and lemons 10/9/2019
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot..........................
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
................... a carrot.
0 Comments,
8 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
looking at you 10/5/2019
looking for a woman here can be very hard because all they
want is what they prefer there wants most of the ladies
here don;t even realize that they are way off on there wants
there nothing here that is perfect you want all that tell
we see your picture and we see that your fucking joking ladies
wake up this is not fantasy world your not everything you
though you where believe most men here at ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
dirty 10/3/2019
meeting new mature woman is a joke because some are sooo
serious and some are soo picky come on you are too picky your
mature you dont have the same when you where soooo
quit being sooo picky
0 Comments,
15 Views,
9 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
Knock Knock 6/19/2019
whos there ?
3 Comments,
26 Views,
11 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
I always laugth on this 1/9/2019
This reminds me, when i was tied up by the first time, and
suddenly I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't
8 Comments,
121 Views,
23 Votes
,6.51 Score
|
|
ER Visit 12/31/2018
A man goes into the ER complaining of anal pain. The doctor
orders x-rays to see what's going on. When reviewing
the x-rays they notice 3 plastic heads inside the
man's ass. The nurse looks at the doctor and says...
<br><br>
"Doctor, will he be alright?" <br><br>
The doctor replies.... <br><br>
"Don't worry nurse he's ...
1 Comments,
28 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Tattoo 7/30/2018
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him
as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually,
go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes
off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
'What's that?' the lady questions. 'Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will
see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.' ...
3 Comments,
81 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
Get well soon! 7/27/2018
A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed
appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well;
however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs
in his crotch. <br><br>
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors
hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital
gown up enough so he could look at ...
4 Comments,
92 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
|
|
Files Her Tax Return 7/27/2018
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells
him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br>
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll
need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address,
social security number, and then asks, "What is your
occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm
a ." The accountant balks and says, "No,
no, no. ...
7 Comments,
105 Views,
16 Votes
,4.74 Score
|
|
Born When? 7/24/2018
I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and told
her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman
was born, simply by holding their breasts in my hands. <br><br>
She thought I was having her on but was nonetheless very
curious. <br><br>
Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said
“Oh go-on then, give it a go!” <br><br>
I ...
3 Comments,
58 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
|
|
The Silent Treatment 7/23/2018
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am"
and left it where he knew she would find ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Confession 7/20/2018
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,
Italy, went to the local church for confession. <br><br>
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,
The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to
hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' ...
2 Comments,
49 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Getting The Most Out Of Counselling 7/15/2018
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had
been at each other's throat for some time and felt that
this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the
counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be ...
2 Comments,
38 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
The King And The Counts 7/15/2018
A King ordered the heads of several of his counts chopped
off because they refused to reveal where they had buried
their treasures. As the axes began to fall, one count decided
to change his mind, but it was too late. Moral: Don't
hatchet your counts before they chicken. !"
0 Comments,
24 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Small get together 7/12/2018
: There will be a small gathering in the school tomorrow. Please come.
Dad: What do you mean? Who will be there?
: Only you, me, and the school principal.
3 Comments,
116 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
|
|
THE HORTH WITHPERER 7/12/2018
Bob calls his buddy Sam, the rancher, and says he's
sending a friend over to look at a . Sam asks "How
will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech
impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking
for a male or female . "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I ...
1 Comments,
39 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
The Golfer and the Leprechaun. 7/12/2018
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive
into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun
flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's
ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle
from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving
him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you ...
1 Comments,
37 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
My First Time 7/9/2018
It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. <br><br>
The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. <br><br>
Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. <br><br>
Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. <br><br>
I ...
3 Comments,
35 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
Blonde Painting 7/9/2018
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants
to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods.
She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for
your house or you???" <br><br>
The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch.
You will find all the stuff in the garage." <br><br>
The girl says, ...
2 Comments,
37 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
A Drunk 6/28/2018
A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help
you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man
replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw
it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
|
Organist 6/28/2018
A small church had a very attractive big- busted organist
and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled
while she played the organ. <br><br>
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation. The
very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something
had to be done about this or they would have to get another
organist. <br><br>
<br><br>
So, one ...
1 Comments,
47 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
|
|
Finally a sensitive man 6/12/2018
A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they
connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely
packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are
three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds
of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering
the ...
1 Comments,
48 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
|
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"I’ve outlived my dick." A Poem - by Willie Nelson 6/6/2018
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. <br><br>
Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing. <br><br>
It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
9 Votes
,5.99 Score
|
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Senior Surgery 6/4/2018
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his . 'Yes, dad, what is it?' 'Don't be nervous, ; Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and ...
0 Comments,
36 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
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AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE 6/4/2018
An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice.
The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty
days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds. <br><br>
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after
thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed
lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and
thanked him for ...
1 Comments,
41 Views,
14 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Honesty 6/4/2018
A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come
from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?"
The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing
in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly
and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where
jewelry comes from."
1 Comments,
28 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
|
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My Travel Plans for 2018-2019 6/4/2018
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots
with someone. <br><br>
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes
you there. <br><br>
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport;
you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there,
thanks to my , ...
1 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Holiday Present 5/28/2018
Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with
her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says
to him: <br><br>
"Is there anything you'd like me to bring you
back from Paris?" <br><br>
Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How
about you bring me back a cute little French girl?"
<br><br>
Bob's wife ...
1 Comments,
39 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
|
Billy Bob and Luther 5/24/2018
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy
Bob tells Luther" Ya knowI reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation.
Only this year I'm gonna do it A little different. The last few years I took your advice
about where to go." "Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to
Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant." "Then two years ago you told me to go ...
0 Comments,
29 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
|
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WELL, I'LL BE GONE 5/17/2018
A guy walks into a bar with his and says, "I'll
have a otch and water and my would like a whiskey sour."
<br><br>
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals
in here." <br><br>
The replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being diriminated
against. Just give me a drink." <br><br>
The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
|
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Photo on the night stand 5/16/2018
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br>
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br>
'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him.
<br><br>
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br>
'No, not at all, ...
1 Comments,
28 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Underwear dust 5/3/2018
evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said
to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes
in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your
butt!' <br><br>
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br>
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his drawer. ...
2 Comments,
49 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
|
|
Fireman Sex 5/1/2018
A FIREMAN came home from work day and told his wife, 'You
know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL
1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all
slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire
truck ready to go. <br><br>
'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. <br><br>
When I say BELL 2 I want you to ...
0 Comments,
31 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
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THE BOTTLE OF WINE 5/1/2018
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were
married, or wish you weren't married, this is something
to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on
the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet ,
she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
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THE CORK 4/30/2018
Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower
after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices
the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second,
"that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't
you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It
is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...
0 Comments,
34 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
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YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 4/30/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the , and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must be ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
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Cowboy 4/24/2018
Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br>
CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br>
Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!
1 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
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THE BOTTLE OF WINE 4/17/2018
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were
married, or wish you weren't married, this is something
to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on
the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one,
she stopped the car and asked the Navajo ...
0 Comments,
19 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 4/17/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must ...
2 Comments,
19 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
|
WHEELIE BIN 4/17/2018
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie
bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out
so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round
the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro",
says the ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
|
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Blowjobs 4/13/2018
A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase
<br><br>
"Where are you going?" He asked <br><br>
"Las Vegas" she said' " You can get
$400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for
something i give you for free" <br><br>
"Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want
to see you survive on only ...
1 Comments,
20 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Disappointed 4/9/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
1 Comments,
33 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
|
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A drover in the Northern Territories 4/8/2018
A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
<br><br>
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open
this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
<br><br>
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. <br><br>
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Good Ears 3/28/2018
A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own,
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While
there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at
the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious
that she had nothing else on. The poor broke into ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
:P pointless 3/15/2018
Baka la a derka derka
1 Comments,
6 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
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Vanilla Pudding Robbery 3/13/2018
This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article
which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery
on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts
at disabling the security system got underway immediately.
The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes
filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see
hundreds of smaller safes ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
|
|
Secret to marriage 3/12/2018
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every
time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting
off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was
stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one
night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned
on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding
a dildo. ...
0 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
TWO STRINGS 3/6/2018
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks
in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells
"I don't serve strings in this bar..."
<br><br>
The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls
up and orders... The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't
you hear what I told your buddy?" <br><br>
String says "Yeah." ...
0 Comments,
28 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
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A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR 3/5/2018
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the
entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left
was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French
woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may
I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular
'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using
that seat.' The ...
1 Comments,
35 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
|
|
The Vicar's Salary. 3/2/2018
The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within
the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br>
Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide
him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda
mini-van to transport their !' ...
1 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
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Chicken Sandwich 2/25/2018
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....
<br><br>
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They
discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all
through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't
a chicken ...
0 Comments,
34 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
|
|
Toys 2/24/2018
What do boobs and toys have in common? <br><br>
They were both originally made for , but daddies end
up playing with them.
0 Comments,
7 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Mice 2/18/2018
Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br>
Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br>
All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br>
but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br>
<br><br> ...
1 Comments,
25 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Frank 2/17/2018
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going
by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect
timing. You're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed
a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every
single time.' Passenger: ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
Truth 2/16/2018
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences
between the sexes, and which one is better. <br><br>
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s
something I have that you’ll never have!” <br><br>
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly
true, and runs home crying. <br><br>
A while later, she comes running back with ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Math class 2/14/2018
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "None." <br><br>
The teacher asks, "Why?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Primark Catalogue 2/9/2018
Two Thanetians were looking at a Primark Catalog and admiring the Models. <br><br>
One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this Catalog?'
<br><br>
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!' The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Crosses 2/8/2018
What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts
club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart
ass which knows it all. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine?
A tunnel ...
1 Comments,
17 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Apples 2/6/2018
A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women
<br><br>
The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples
1 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
|
|
A smart blonde! 2/1/2018
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute
blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know, " he says, "I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly
and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...
2 Comments,
40 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Three Little Pigs 2/1/2018
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter
came and took their drink order. <br><br>
'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little
piggy. <br><br>
<br><br>
! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little
piggy. <br><br>
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the
third little piggy. ...
3 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
Date Site Descriptions 1/31/2018
You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions
What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br>
Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, .
Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying,
Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers
dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter.,
New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Doctors Never Laugh 1/31/2018
Bob went to a doctor and asked him if he ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm
a professional. In over twenty I've never laughed
at a patient.' 'Okay then, ' Bob said, and proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha'
the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA ...
0 Comments,
17 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Office Showoff 1/29/2018
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had
just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with
antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear
the hot shot, the businessman picked up the ph and started
to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures
around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can
I ...
0 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
|
|
gissa a job 1/29/2018
This will go far... This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy
submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida;
and they hired him because he was so hst and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a
position to be picky, I ...
0 Comments,
14 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
Maxims 1/22/2018
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have
to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. Get a new car ...
0 Comments,
19 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
|
|
North Carolina mountain man was drafted by the Army 1/22/2018
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb That afternoon the Army barber sheared
off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On
the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been ...
0 Comments,
29 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
Spelling..... 1/21/2018
Thought you’d like this: Rearrange the letters to spell
out an important part of the human body that is more useful
when erect! <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
P N E S I <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br> ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
A mental hospital 1/19/2018
After hearing that of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him
out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the reuer's
file and ed him into his office. <br><br>
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only
sorry that the man you saved later killed himself ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Two Scots 1/18/2018
ots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub diussing
Jock's forthcoming wedding. 'Ach, it's all going grand, ' says Jock.
'I've got everything organised already: the
flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings,
the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly. 'Havens, I've even
bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock. 'A ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX 1/17/2018
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy
night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people
waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br>
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX 1/17/2018
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy
night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people
waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br>
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one ...
0 Comments,
7 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
But My Wife Won't Like It 1/16/2018
A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart. <br><br>
Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived
in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him. <br><br>
"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Willis, " he replied. <br><br>
"Willis forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll you ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
Dolphins 1/16/2018
A few ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon
who had taken it into his head to collect really strange
and exotic pets. day, deciding to add to his collection,
he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to
the salesman, "Show me the most unusual pet you have
in stock!" The salesman took him to an outside tank,
in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
Racing Snail 1/13/2018
My racing snail is not winning races anymore so I decided
to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more
aerodynamic. It didnt work if anything its made him more sluggish
0 Comments,
8 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
The Bacon Tree 1/13/2018
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly
and close to death. They are close to just lying down and
waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
<br><br>
'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure
of eet.' <br><br>
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.' <br><br>
So, with renewed strength, they ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
|
|
Old man's health check up 1/12/2018
An old man went to the doctor suffering from Piles. The doctor
gave him pesaries and told him to put in his rectum every
night and come back after week. <br><br>
When he got home he said to his wife "Have we got a rectum?".
She replied "What's a rectum?". <br><br>
The old man said "I've no idea but I have to put
of these in it every ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
Leaving Early 1/9/2018
women all worked in the same office, with the same
female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave
work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they
would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed,
or came back to work, so how would she know they went home
early. <br><br>
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening, ed ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
A patient rings his doctor... 1/9/2018
A patient rings his doctor... <br><br>
Patient: "Doctor, I applied that Hemorrhoid cream
you gave me and got a terrible reaction!" <br><br>
Doctor: "Okay, where exactly did you apply it?"
<br><br>
Patient: "On the bus."
0 Comments,
16 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
NI Women 12/27/2017
Three men sitting together bragging about how they had
given their new wives duties to perform. Terry had married
a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new
wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house.
He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came
home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and
put away. James had married a woman from ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Frozen Turkey 12/18/2017
Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs,
'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.'
'Now, now, ' her mother comforted, 'I am
sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a
frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about
the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate, ' ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Lion cage cleaner 12/17/2017
My first job was at our local Zoo, sweeping the shit out of
the lion, s cage........ most of it was mine. They fired
me the next week for leaving the cage door open, I said "oh
come on, who, s gonna steal a Lion?"
0 Comments,
9 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
I want to see something really cheap 12/15/2017
After being away on business for a week before Christmas,
Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
<br><br>
<br><br>
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br>
"That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned
with a smaller bottle for $30. ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Ethel 12/14/2017
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually
joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened
and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
The Wedding Night. 12/13/2017
eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and
everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous
about the hymoon night so the female egg decides to dress
up in a skimpy little negligee to them get excited.
The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this
and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the
door. The wife is very shocked by his behavior but ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Catholic Dog 12/13/2017
Muldoon lived al in the Irish countryside with only
a pet for company. day the died, and Muldoon we
nt to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog
is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we
cannot have s for an animal in the church. But there
are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Onions And Christmas Trees 12/7/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father,
'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br>
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, , there
are kinds of Boobs: <br><br>
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and
firm. <br><br>
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. ...
0 Comments,
28 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
LIFE THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY' 12/6/2017
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess'
on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me. <br><br>
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. <br><br>
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even
get into my own pants. <br><br>
How come we choose from just two people to run for president
and over fifty ...
0 Comments,
17 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Looks of Disappointment 12/5/2017
A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered
open and he said, "You're truly beautiful."
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed
by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...
1 Comments,
24 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
ONLY IN SCOTLAND 12/4/2017
A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy
to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded
cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square
which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number
of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six
pence, ' says the chemist. ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Trained 11/29/2017
An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills
came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid
eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant
whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have
a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Mick & Paddy 11/26/2017
Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will
you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your
wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street
was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.'
Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on
them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'
1 Comments,
21 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
Paddy 11/24/2017
Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor!
He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has
a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"
1 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Deodoranjt 11/20/2017
I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
1 Comments,
13 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Near Death Experience 11/20/2017
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death
experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months
and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and
a tummy tuck. She ...
0 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
The Blonde and the Casino 11/20/2017
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand
rand (R20, 000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm Completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
...
0 Comments,
23 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
HOLY SOAP 11/14/2017
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. <br><br>
They undress and step into the showers before they realize
there is no soap. <br><br>
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it,
not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway
down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.. Having no place to ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
|
|
Elderly Couple 11/13/2017
An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out
with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends
they decided it was finally time to get married. Before
the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the
old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...
1 Comments,
26 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
This old wino 11/10/2017
This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately
told him to get out. The said that he would only leave
if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking
this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail
stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br>
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got
asked to leave by the barman. This ...
1 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
Frozen Wimdows 11/6/2017
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br>
Wife texts back: <br><br>
<br><br>
"computer completely fucked now."
1 Comments,
23 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
|
|
Trouble sleeping 10/27/2017
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
<br><br>
"Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think
I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br>
"I see, " he said. "I can help you, but
I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br>
"That's not ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Jewish Divorce 10/26/2017
A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting
a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother.
'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely
little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size
of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home,
a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays
a year.... ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
50 Years! 10/18/2017
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember
the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against
the back fence and I made love to you." Yes. she says. "I remember it well." OK, " he says, "How about taking a stroll around
there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
...
0 Comments,
24 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
Vely Good 10/15/2017
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br>
She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are
doing?" <br><br>
One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you
see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br>
The waitress ...
1 Comments,
31 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
|
|
How My Husband Broke His Arms.... 10/14/2017
Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't
run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed,
but somehow the message never sank in. Finally I thought
of a clever way to make the point. <br><br>
When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated
in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair
of sewing scissors. <br><br>
He ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
The British Way 10/12/2017
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through
the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to
find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well
is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
The Atheist and the Bear 10/11/2017
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself. <br><br>
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling
in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot
grizzly bear charge towards him. <br><br>
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
Fairy Tale 10/10/2017
One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly,
did not whine, nag or bitch......... But it was a long time ago..... …and it was just the ONE day. The End
0 Comments,
10 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Guy's Logic 10/10/2017
Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes. <br><br>
Lady: How much a day? Man: Three 6 packs. <br><br>
Lady: How much per 6 pack? Man: About $10.00. <br><br>
Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years. <br><br>
Lady: So one 6 pack costs $10.00, and you have 3 packs a day
which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year,
it would be $10, 800 ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Fake two dollar bill 10/9/2017
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the
extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is
all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about
people getting upset with me. <br><br>
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Harrods 10/8/2017
Harrods <br><br>
*A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking
for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back
home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first
day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After
the store was locked up, the ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Random Jokes 10/8/2017
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the
middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and
farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br>
<br><br>
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part. <br><br>
I've accidentally ...
1 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Sent Packing 10/7/2017
My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her
things and left.
0 Comments,
17 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
LAWS OF INEVITABILITY 10/5/2017
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will
begin to itch or you'll have to pee. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible
corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY The probability of being watched is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF THE TELEPHONE If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. LAW ...
0 Comments,
11 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
The Wedding Night 10/3/2017
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional
Ital ian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying
at her mother's house, she was a very nervous. Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria,
John’s a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care
of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta." So, uppa she went. When she got upstairs, John took off ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
TAKING A WOMAN TO BED 9/29/2017
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18,
28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? <br><br>
. At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. <br><br>
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her
to bed. <br><br>
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. <br><br> ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
A Few Thoughts For You 9/29/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
1 Comments,
14 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
The Lonely Widow 9/29/2017
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent
over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that
she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly,
she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision
to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken
in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Another Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman Joke 9/29/2017
There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman
all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says "I was cleaning my 's
room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes.
I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning
my 's room the other day when I came across
a half full bottle ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Bruce And Sheila 9/29/2017
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day
when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself
off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what
the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day
Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat ...
0 Comments,
17 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN 9/29/2017
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to
use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly
put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's
farm, and we all saw his pet sheep . It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you
to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
20 Rules for Successful Writing 9/26/2017
For those of you who write blogs and articles for the site,
here a a few simple rules for you. <br><br>
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive 5. Avoid cliches like the plague 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration 7. Be more or ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Strange Diseases 9/25/2017
A young couple left their wedding reception, arriving
at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon. They
cracked the champagne and began undressing. When the groom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your
toes Look all mangled and funny." "I had tolio as a , " the husband replied.
"You mean polio?" she asked. "No, the disease only affected my ...
0 Comments,
11 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Gas Prices in Paris - Tres Bien! 9/21/2017
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the
Louvre. <br><br>
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the
paintings, and made it safely to his van. Only two blocks
away, however, he was captured when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then
make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur,
that is the reason I ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Divorce Letter 9/20/2017
Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last
two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today
and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and
didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...
1 Comments,
29 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Little Johnny's Breakfast 9/20/2017
A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and
she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also
spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'. 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Jack Schitt 9/19/2017
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss
for a response when someone says; "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one , Jack. <br><br>
In turn, Jack Schitt married ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Weight Loss 9/18/2017
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight
loss program. <br><br>
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands
before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed
in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around
her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of
the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can
catch ...
0 Comments,
6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House 9/14/2017
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his
wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From
now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and
my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve
me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner,
you are going to go upstairs with me, and ...
0 Comments,
12 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Accident At The Toll Booth 9/13/2017
The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and
ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.
Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched
as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread
a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces
together. In less than a half hour, ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Main Vice President 9/10/2017
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President
of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to
his wife for weeks on end. <br><br>
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him,
"Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president
of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br>
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Painting the Church 9/8/2017
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who
was very interested in making a penny where he could, so
he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
<br><br>
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the Local Church decided to do a big restoration job on the
outside of one of their biggest buildings. <br><br>
Smokey ...
0 Comments,
14 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Tales From The Shire 9/7/2017
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly.
They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into
the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door
closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises
through the door, "I can't do it, I can't
do it, I CAN'T DO IT!" In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How
did it ...
0 Comments,
11 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
EATING IN THE FIFTIES 9/7/2017
* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that
they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
* The ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
New Windows 9/6/2017
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday,
I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was
complaining that the windows had been installed a whole
year ago and I had not paid for them yet. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that
I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly ...
0 Comments,
12 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
The Elderly Golfer 9/6/2017
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the
new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area
of the club house. <br><br>
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign
hanging over the bar that reads: <br><br>
COLD BEER:£3.50 HAMBURGER: £4.50 CHEESEBURGER: £5.00 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £5.50 HAND JOB: £200.00 <br><br>
Checking ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
The Salesman 9/3/2017
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a
vacuum cleaner. <br><br>
"Good morning, " said the young man. "If
I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to
demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
<br><br>
"Go away!" said the old lady. ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT? 9/1/2017
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor.
He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?"
The physician replied that he doubted that his patient
would survive the night. The man then said "Call for
my lawyer." <br><br>
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician
to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on
the ...
0 Comments,
11 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
THIS IS WHY PARENTS DRINK!! 8/30/2017
A father passing by his 's bedroom was astonished
to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked
up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the
pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' <br><br>
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with
trembling hands and read the letter. <br><br>
Dear Dad: It is with great regret and ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
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Tomatoes 8/27/2017
See if this works for yours (tomatoes that is) . . . <br><br>
<br><br>
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't
seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she
came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden
full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to
get your tomatoes so ...
0 Comments,
8 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Survey 8/26/2017
In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the
feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest
just enjoyed the peace and quiet.
1 Comments,
6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Funny Thoughts for the Day 8/24/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
0 Comments,
8 Views,
1 Votes
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The Irish v. The French! 8/23/2017
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone
rings. <br><br>
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice
said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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A guy's guide to spotting Ms Wrong by the end of the first date 8/22/2017
When you're in the thick of a first date, judgement
may not be on your side. Often you'll find yourself
asking or agreeing to see her again, then waking up the next
morning to a clear-as-day realisation that you don't
want a second date at all. <br><br>
Rather than try to squeeze out of it once it's too late,
you should sharpen those powers of first-date perception. ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
1 Votes
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EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 8/18/2017
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...
1 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Pumpkin 8/17/2017
This was apparently in the Washington Post .... The title of the article was Best Come Back Line Ever.'
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year
old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch
11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour,
public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett
County Courthouse on Monday. The ...
0 Comments,
7 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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SKIRT ZIPPER 8/15/2017
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come
up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She
tried to take the step, only to ...
0 Comments,
7 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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DATING RITUALS of women 8/10/2017
CANADIAN WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.
IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Irish Radio Phone In Quiz 8/9/2017
Some belters from Larry Gogans radio show phone in quiz
called the "just a minute quiz"
(Larry) Q. Something a blind man might use? (Contestant) A. A sword
(L.) Q. A song with the word moon in the title? C.) A. Blue suede moon
L.) Q. Name the capital of France? C.) A. "F"
L.) Q. Name a bird with a long neck? C.) A. Naomi Campbell ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Letter From The Boss 8/8/2017
Memorandum
TO: All employees FROM: The boss DATE:August 8th, 2017 RE: Foul Language
It has been brought to management's attention that
some individuals throughout the company have been using
foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from
some employees who are easily offended, this type of language
will be ...
0 Comments,
11 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Earrings 8/6/2017
Earrings
Have you ever wondered why some men wear earrings?
A man was at work one day when he noticed his co-worker was
wearing an earring. Knowing his co-worker to be a normally
conservative fellow, he was curious about his sudden change
in "fashion sense." The man walks up to his co-worker
and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a ...
0 Comments,
19 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Poor Elton 8/2/2017
Elton John goes into the doctor's office and has some
tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Elton,
I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have HIV."
Elton is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
Doc says "Eat one sausage, one head of cabbage, 20
unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers,
40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal and
top it ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Pregnancy Question 8/2/2017
Catherine, pregnant with her first , paid a visit
to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she
shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know, " the doctor said, placing
a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that
all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it, " Catherine confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
0 Comments,
12 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Groans 8/1/2017
Doctor Evil cloned himself again. This time created a full
size version of himself. He was charged with "Bigger
Me."
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Dollywood is currently undergoing renovations....please
PARTON our dust!
Don't put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.
Dr. Oleander Fern, the noted biologist, was stumped. He
had spent months ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
0 Votes
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How To Poop At Work 8/1/2017
We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly
felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince
ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For
those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival
Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions
and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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My Wife Left Me 7/31/2017
My wife left me... And I don't understand.
After the last was born, she told me we had to cut back
on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.
I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came
home from grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for
makeup.
I said, "Wait a ...
0 Comments,
14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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My US Air Force 7/31/2017
Even Zoomies get it right once in a while.
A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base,
Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight
check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still
full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base
ops and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care
of it. The young man finally gets to the flight ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Teacher Arrested 7/27/2017
Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow
International airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass,
a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Theresa May said she believes
the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
she did not identify the man, ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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The Wongs 7/26/2017
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a
new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely
a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations, ' says the nurse to the new
parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong
name the baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well,
two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Stuck In A Bog 7/26/2017
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick
O'Reilly wandered by.
"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"
Don't worry, " assured Mick. "Next to
the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin,
and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled
and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts,
Mick said to ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
0 Votes
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DOLLY PARTON AND QUEEN ELIZABETH 7/25/2017
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and
they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be
admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel
asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she
should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're
the ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
1 Votes
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The Lone Ranger's Last Request 7/25/2017
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian
War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed
in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak
to ...
0 Comments,
11 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE 7/25/2017
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth ...
0 Comments,
7 Views,
1 Votes
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The Wrong Suit 7/25/2017
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just
passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last
look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw
him she started crying. One of the undertakers strode up to provide comfort in this
sombre moment. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because
her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his
dying ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Miracle Cure 7/20/2017
NEW - Miracle Cure!!!
• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
• Do you suffer from shyness?
• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor
or pharmacist about White Wine.
White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident ...
1 Comments,
13 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Great Advice 7/20/2017
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have
found inner peace.
The article read:
'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off the
things you have started'.
So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started
and hadn't finished .... and before leaving the house
this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle
of white wine, a ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
1 Votes
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A tale of four cats 7/20/2017
Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square,
do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and
pen
and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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pest Control 7/3/2017
An Irishwoman was having a passionate affair with an inspector
from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying
on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home
unexpectedly. "Quick, " said the woman to the lover, "into
the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark
naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search
of the bedroom discovered the ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
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Odd One Out 7/3/2017
Odd One Out
Which is the odd 1 out? 1. Toaster. 2. Washing machine. 3. Dish washer. 4. Woman.
Answer = A toaster.... Its the only 1 that doesnt drip when its fucked
0 Comments,
11 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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2 Irish Nuns 7/3/2017
Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car
when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!"
shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I
don't think they know who we are - show them your cross."
So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts,
"Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Mother Of Six 6/29/2017
A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth
to 6 , begins to call her "mother of six"
rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first,
chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her
husband's description. "Mother of six, "
he would say, "Get me a beer!" "Hey mother
of six, what's for dinner tonight?" This type
of situation persisted to a boiling ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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A Biker Story 6/29/2017
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw
a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What
are you doing?"
I'm going to commit suicide, " she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't
want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before
you jump, why don't you give ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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The Three Worst Chinese Tortures 6/29/2017
The Three Worst Chinese Tortures
Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was walking
in the middle of a Chinese forest when he stumbled upon a
huge mansion. It was close to nightfall and he had no where
to stay, no food, and nothing to make camp; so he walked up
to the mansion and rang the doorbell. A very ancient man
with a long beard brushing the floor answered the ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Dear Alcohol 6/9/2017
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge
fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when
needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game,
and you're even around in the holiday's hidden
inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in
the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately
I've been wondering about your intentions. While
I want to believe that ...
2 Comments,
20 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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The power of Alcohol 6/9/2017
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes
in and informs the dad that his was born without torso,
arms or legs. The is just a head! But the dad loves his
and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the is now old enough for his first drink.
Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the he is proud
of him and orders up the biggest, ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
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Moral Test 5/25/2017
This test only has one question, but it's a very important
one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where
you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation
in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that
your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please
scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
THE SITUATION ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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A Jewish Divorce 5/25/2017
A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting
a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother.
'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely
little arsehole, the size of a 5C piece. Now its the size
of a 50C piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home,
a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays
a year.... and you want to give all that up ...
0 Comments,
30 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House 5/25/2017
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his
wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From
now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and
my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve
me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner,
you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
1 Votes
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Survey 5/22/2017
In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the
feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest
just enjoyed the peace and quiet.
0 Comments,
13 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
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DATING RITUALS OF WOMEN 5/22/2017
CANADIAN WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN First Date: ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
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A Night At The Farmhouse 5/20/2017
The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for
room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was
no vacant room. "I could let you sleep with my , " the
farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to
the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and
felt the farmer's at his side. The next ...
0 Comments,
38 Views,
1 Votes
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The Silent Treatment 5/20/2017
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am"
and left it where he knew she would find it. ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
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Barbie Girl 5/20/2017
A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realises
that it's his 's birthday and he has not
bought her a gift. So he stops at a toy store to buy his
a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl
how much the Barbies are.
The girl responds: "Which one? We have:
Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95 Volleyball Barbie: $19.95 Shopping Barbie: $19.95 Surfer ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
1 Votes
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3 Eggs And A Little Cash 5/19/2017
A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed
him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found.
He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7, 000 in cash he found in
the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for. "Oh those", she replied, "every time
we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box". Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years
of marriage, then ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
0 Votes
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Chess 5/19/2017
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of
his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?",
they asked as they moved along. "Because, " said the manager, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
0 Comments,
8 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
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Brothel 5/18/2017
Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday,
and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw
men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out
happy and smiling. One day they became curious and decided to see what was going
on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys,
and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and
tell her that they are ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 5/18/2017
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.
Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
Q: Why is a blonde like a door ...
0 Comments,
12 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
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Blondes and Oil Changes 5/18/2017
(1996, Texas) 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San
Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages
of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the
car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
change the oil.
0 Comments,
8 Views,
0 Votes
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2 Eggs 5/18/2017
Two eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and
everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous
about the honeymoon night so the female egg decides to dress
up in a skimpy little negligee to help them get excited.
The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this
and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the
door. The wife is very shocked by his ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
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Date Site Descriptions 5/18/2017
You might find this amusing. Dating Site Descriptions
What they Really MEAN: !!!!
Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun = Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter.,
New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong = Argumentative , ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
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The Man's Perspective. 5/18/2017
The site from a mans perspective, is strange and bordering
on sad, we get the various categories, which by not saying
to much, you don't seem to fit into, mostly the categories
include: 1) Look at me, 20 photos some with wind machine blowing that
Farah Forsett hair around but there not affected. 2) Don't smoke but the fag in hand gives it away but that
doesn't mater because the 2 cans of Stella ...
0 Comments,
6 Views,
0 Votes
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Husband And Wife 5/16/2017
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a ...
0 Comments,
14 Views,
0 Votes
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The Atheist And The Bear 5/16/2017
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling
in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot
grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
& saw that the bear was ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
0 Votes
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Man finds best fitness program till last 3/27/2017
Man finds out he needs to lose some weight quickly and sees
ad on back of newspaper saying ultimate fitness program.
He calls and asks for service.
Next day a fit blonde arrives and says "If you can catch
me, you can have me".
He chases her, loses pounds and has her.
Next day he calls and asks for upgrade. Shortly, a petite redhead arrives and says "If you
can catch me, ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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Toys and boobs 3/23/2017
Two boys talking and one says to the other, "Why are
boobs like toys?"
The other boy smiles and says "Because they are fun
to play with but end up in your mouth".
Both smile. Thanks women for everything.
0 Comments,
7 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
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What did the duck say to the ? 2/13/2017
Put it on my BILL!
5 Comments,
38 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
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What did the psychiatrist say to the naked crazy man wrapped in Saran Wrap? 2/13/2017
I can CLEARLY see your('re) NUTS!
1 Comments,
18 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
|
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One Wprd Or Two 1/13/2017
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going
out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time
to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman ...
1 Comments,
30 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
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Making breakfast 1/13/2017
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful, "
he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE
are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful .
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me ...
0 Comments,
29 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Riddles with an X in front of the rated! 1/13/2017
Apologies if some are a little crass but some of them are
gold! . . . . X-RATED RIDDLES Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
your new car. ============================================= Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ============================================= Q. What's the definition of macho? ...
1 Comments,
31 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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When Jane met Tarzan 1/13/2017
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle...
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted
to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked
him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex, " he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all ...
0 Comments,
27 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Composure Or Aplomb 1/13/2017
The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to
which we can only aspire.
This message is for my friends who appreciate the finer
points of the English language used correctly.
His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached
and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson , " said His Lordship.
"I am ...
0 Comments,
17 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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What Happened Next? 1/13/2017
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know, " he says, "I really trust
my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But
there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business.
Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Simaltaneous orgasm 12/28/2016
A guy went to his dr and asked why it was he and his wife never
have an orgasm together and if there is anything he can do
to make it happen. The dr. told himthe next time you have
sex to put his pistol under his pillow. When he was about
to have his orgasm he was to pull it out and shoot it into the
floor. He said it would scare her so much that she would have
an orgasm. The said thanks doc, ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
0 Votes
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Baby's First Doctor Visit 11/3/2016
Baby's First Doctor Visit
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first
exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby
was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed, " she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist, " ...
0 Comments,
79 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Satisfaction 10/25/2016
The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The
sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.
The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit
me." The sadist says "I won't", and
they are both satisfied.
0 Comments,
21 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Banking 10/24/2016
Q. Why is banking like sex? A. After you withdraw you lose interest.
0 Comments,
9 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Muslim Logic 8/13/2015
A Muslim couple in Peckham Rye, preparing for their wedding,
meet the Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they
have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in
Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women.
But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission
to dance together." "Absolutely not, " says the Mullah. "It's ...
0 Comments,
119 Views,
7 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Origin of the wood "Boob" 8/4/2015
Q: What is the origin of the word "Boob"? A: The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo"
is the front view, the "b" is the side view.
1 Comments,
26 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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10 Inch Bic 8/4/2015
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes
I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says
the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly
cause he is a little hard at ...
0 Comments,
104 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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In the desert 7/1/2015
2 guys are walking along a desert when they come ascross
a girl buried up to her neck. One of them asks, "What's in it for us if we pull
you out?" She answers, "Sand."
0 Comments,
96 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Suspicion 4/26/2015
A guy is talking with his new neighbor, who just moved in
a few weeks ago. "Say, Joe, you look down. What's
the problem?"
Joe, the new neighbor, says, "Well, I think my wife
is cheating on me."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, when I first started working for my company,
I was in Louisville. Then about two years ago I got a transfer
to St. Louis. Last year I was ...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Gynaecologists... 4/13/2015
Did you hear about the retired gynaecologist ...? ... He liked to keep his hand in.
Did you hear about the gynaecologist who could wallpaper
his hallway through his letter box?
0 Comments,
11 Views,
0 Votes
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Confessions 4/10/2015
A young couple, just married, are driving off to their honeymoon
getaway. As they drive, the husband says to his bride, "Honey,
I have a little confession to make."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well, you know a couple of weeks ago, when we were
at my parents' place for dinner, and it got late, and
they said you could spend the night in the guest room? I remembered
you saying that ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The differance 4/6/2015
What is the differance between a woman and a frying pan????
There isnt any. They both have to be hot before you put the
meat in
0 Comments,
12 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Blondes on Honeymoon 10/11/2014
A Mother had three virgin blonde daughters. They were all
getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would
get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first blonde girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after
the wedding. The card said nothing but ...
3 Comments,
209 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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Which Do You Prefer? 8/3/2014
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny
Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.
3 Comments,
31 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Which Do You Prefer? 8/3/2014
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny
Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.
2 Comments,
30 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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The bear 7/25/2014
A bear walks into a bar and says "bartender, give me
a beer!" The bartender looks at him and shakes his head, "I'm
sorry sir, its against the policy of this bar to serve beer
to bears." The bear frowned and slammed his paw down and said "I
don't care, I want a beer and give it to me now!"
The bartender simple shook his head, "I'm sorry
sir, its posted and this bar will serve no beers to bears" ...
1 Comments,
191 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
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Tickle Me Elmo 7/11/2014
Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she
reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to ...
1 Comments,
135 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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How to Catch a Polar Bear 6/8/2014
First you cut a hole in the ice. Then you encircle it with
peas. When the polar bear takes a pea you kick him in the ice
hole. Ha Ha Ha
2 Comments,
24 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Cricket Rules - made easy! 1/5/2013
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man
that's in the side that's in goes out, and when
he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's
out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes
in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those
coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are ...
1 Comments,
44 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Two Brothers 1/5/2013
My Two Brothers
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll
you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds
to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until
they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold.
You don't have to ...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Sexual harassment... 12/8/2012
Might be an old one, but I still think it's funny...
Girl comes to the boss saying her co-worker sexually harasses
her every morning. "Why, what does he do?" the
boss asks.
"Every morning he walks past me he tells me how good
my hair smells."
Boss: "I'm not sure that this constitutes sexual
harassment."
Girl: "He's a midget!"
0 Comments,
81 Views,
0 Votes
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everyone has limits... 2/6/2012
'Of course I won't laugh, ' said the nurse.
'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've
never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then, ' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy'
the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't
have been bigger than an AAA battery.
Unable to control herselff, the nurse started giggling,
then fell to ...
1 Comments,
132 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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watch out for the old Ladies... 1/30/2012
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging
two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags
was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the
sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am,
there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady.
"I'd better go back and see if I ...
0 Comments,
150 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
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the old days 1/30/2012
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do
you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty
years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned
against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, " she says, "I remember it well."
"OK, " he says, "How about taking a stroll
around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, ...
0 Comments,
93 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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